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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Numerical Reality Check and the Quest for SoulFire!


I weigh the fricken same I did back in November of 2007.

Good news: Not heavier.


I should be 60 pounds lighter! Should be, should be, should be....the words that preface a jolt of regret.

I purposely went back to old posts on my blog to get perspective. I'm not depressed, as I was back then, I no longer have wacky liver enzymes, as I did back then, and I'm no longer a couch potato, as I was back then. Still, in the portion control department, I'm still stuck.

I feel duly slapped and dumbass, but not discouraged. Just pissed at myself. Really ticked.

Back to business time. And numbers are part of it...the bottom line. Numbers. Weight. Body fat percentage. BMI. Waist in inches. Hips in inches.

I got out my faboo MyoTape measure and my OMRON Fat Loss Monitor. I measured hips, waist, fat %, and BMI. I've already eaten, so no weigh-in on Mr. Tanita. Still, I need a baseline for this new time of resolve, and this will do:

47.7% fat
BMI: 44.5
Hips: 55.5
Waist: 44.5

(I see 44.5 is the number of the month!)

Geesh. Ugly ass numbers.

Ah, well. I ain't giving up. My trainer said today she sees improvement in my strength, sees I'm more limber, that I can do stuff I couldn't do 3 weeks ago.

Thank you, Jesus.

But...I need numerical progress in places other than exercise.

I ain't giving up. Screw all the obstacles. I will find the way to be on fire. I'm gonna find the way to turn into a living flame.

I'm burning down all those suckers that keep me back.

I'm gonna be like a Phoenix, baby. Burn, burn, burn as brightly as I can, take it down to the fundamentals, the very atoms of my dysfunction, the very core of my spiritual power and mental resolve, then build myself up spanking new, stronger and better.

Nothing less than cleansing fire is gonna do.

Call me Princess Phoenix.




Anonymous said...

You know sometimes the scale is not all that matters. Seems to me you have have several things that you should look at as being positive. NSV's make a difference too.

Anonymous said...

WOW...sounds like someone is motivated!! =)

Just remeber, how far you have come. You listed all the things that are better for you now. You are not depressed, you are healthier! Those are HUGE!! You are doing awesome, don't cut yourself short! I know the weight and the inches are just going to start melting off of you, especially with that "firey" attitude you have going on!! =)

Once Upon A Dieter said...

Thanks, Ladies.

And CHrissie, NSV's are always great, but they aren't the core. They are what we console ourselves with while we futz around with the central point: Getting the fat off.

I'll take every NSV and enjoy it, but that's still not the main event. The main event is losing the fat by making the right food choices in the right amounts and saying no a lot to myself.

We press on. :)

The P

Lora said...

I should be 50 pounds lighter also. I'm a great "beginner" of things. It's finishing them that messes me up.

I've got a new tactic now. we'll see if it works....

Jim Purdy said...

Gosh, I hate to repeat the usual conventional wisdom (especially since I think the conventional wisdom is almost always wrong), but here goes:

If what you're doing isn't working, you probably need to eat less and/or exercise more. Lots of people follow the numbers in some kind of one-size-fits-all diet plan, but the fact is that everybody is different, and there is no diet that works the same for everybody. You've got to keep adjusting what you're doing until it works for you.