New Blog Updated: Today I sent off my swabs for that genetic test for weight loss compatibility...and some links to others who've done the test!

read it at the new blog:

Today I sent off my swabs for that genetic test for weight loss compatibility...and some links to others who've done the test!

New Blog Updated: I paid $149 to find out if I do better on low carb, low fat, or "balanced" type diet for weight loss!

Read the new entry at the new blog:

I paid $149 to find out if I do better on low carb, low fat, or "balanced" type diet for weight loss!

New Blog Updated: Why Am I Losing Weight In My Feet??!?

Read the new entry at the new blog:

Why Am I Losing Weight In My FEET!???

 

Please update links/follows.

May Tuesday treat you well....

A Rocky Start to Summer Slimmin' Week 3 --Plus Belly Pic, Food Pics, Pilates Pics

Man, the weekend really threw me off. Not just the overload of cheese at the anime con, but the overload of salty-dippy crap (on tortilla chips) at my brother's house. I have yet to be at my calorie level since Saturday. Yesterday's eating was better, but still not at target.

Today, so far, so good. I'm really hungry right NOW, so I'll be having lunch after posting.

I will add that I am nonetheless not feeling that weird mired, hopelessness I've felt in the past. I'm more feeling analytical and pretty calm. I haven't had an all-out binge and I haven't felt like giving up. In fact, I have this feeling of , "My groove is coming. My groove is just around the corner." I kinda like that.

Anyway, I did start my new medication regimen, so I have fingers crossed that won't be an issue/obstacle. I continue to feel pretty chipper, like some epiphany is on its way. Hope so. :D

So, here's a pic for continuing motivation mojo--my appley body's belly that I wanna reduce to keep diabetes away from my door:

And here's the sparkly "goal dress" that now fits, but I haven't worn out yet (too fricken hot for this fabric):

I bought a goal shirt that will fit when I'm down another 7 pounds or so. I decided to get goal stuff I can wear sooner. Heh. I had that dress in the back of the closet for years.

And some meals I've had, including today's breakfast:

Above is a Spanish Omelette (potatoes, onions, eggs, olive oil), a soy sausage, tomatoes, a whole wheat roll with lowfat pimento cheese spread (I didn't eat the angel food cake and tossed it). Water, lovely Brazilian coffee.

Had the above on Monday for lunch. It's mixed greens (including my fave arugula) with gorgonzola crumbles and onions and a balsamic vinaigrette. Fresh pineapple chunks. Coconut Water. Water.

This is a Diet-To-Go breakfast option--the Egg and Broccoli pie (essentially a lowfat quiche with a whole grain crust). I sauteed mushrooms and had a baby arugula and baby spinach salad (tomatoes and a bit of EVOO). Coffee. Lime water. An orange and a nectarine.

Here are some exercises I did Monday at my Pilates session (ignore the uberdorky hair that I hastily clipped up and off my face), and I left out a bunch, but I wasn't gonna upload the one with a crotch shot. HAH! I got that new active top at Lane Bryant last week. On sale, very comfy:

Man, why is it so much of my weight has to go and just sit in my dang middle. I'm so unbalanced. Ah, well.

Okay, so now back to my regularly scheduled water consumption and lunch-making. It's lowfat eggplant parmesan with steamed veggies today. While the scale is, yes,  glaring at me with an uptick (oh, salt, why do I long so after thee?) after Sunday's indulgences, I am not stressing. Our Lady of Weight Loss has told me, "All is forgiven. Move on."

Happy Wednesday to all you fatfighting folks!

NSV! My first pair of Pilates workout pants....are falling off!

I grabbed a pair of pants from the "mass of black workout wear pants in the clean clothes corner" when I got up today and as I went about doing some light chores, I had to keep yanking them up. They keep sliding right down.

Now, these are 4x Danskin Plus cotton/lycra bootleg pants. They were my best friend during my first year of Pilates, along with my 4x Danskin capri pants, before I moved on to the 3x versions. This spring, I started using the 2x version. :)  While the 3x still fits--and the 3x capri version are on display here---the 4x are now officially too big. These were perfect in 2008 and part of 2009.

By next birthday, I intend to fit into the 1x....or better. :)

The Muscle Difference: I can wear at 265 lbs what I used to wear at 250 lbs

I am not kidding.

As I sit here, I'm wearing a shirt that's like 9 years old. I remember wearing it to OUTBACK with hubby (I hate that restaurant, but he likes it). I remember cause I felt pretty in my blue, floral print, fluttery, chiffony top that I finally fit into (with just a bit of snugness at the belly) after going to Weight Watchers and losing a bunch of pounds. There is no longer snugness at the belly. It just plain FITS.

Funny how I can remember weights attached to certain clothing pieces. The fat-gal memory files relating to poundage is undimmed by age, whereas I can barely remember the ending of a novel I read last month.

This particular blouse was at the back of the closet. Hadn't fit me in a long time. Since before my mom was dying in 2003. It was back there in the dim recesses of my walk-in along with my "sparkly goal dress", size 20 that I bought in the late 90's, but it didn't fit back then. (I got up to size 30/32 in 2004, btw. And clearly, size 20 has crept up tons, cause there's no way I'm a size 20, period. This dress is a stretchy mutant. But I took a pic to try to show how it's SHORT and SPARKLY and has a classic cut--so it would be fashionable for years and years and years...heh. I'll upload it later and add it to this post. I gotta get back to closest-clearing before I exercise pre-meal.)

I had been going through the closet looking to see what might fit me now. I hadn't done it since more then 10 pounds ago, so I figured why shop in the stores if stuff I hadn't worn ever or in a while might fit me.

Well, shoot, there really is some weird thing going on, cause my "sparkly goal dress", size 20, which didn't fit me at 254 (when I bought it), fits me at 265. My fluttery top that I wore at 250 (yes, I remember the weigh-in and my joy at getting the top to celebrate), fits me at 265.

The Pilates difference. The muscle versus fat difference.

I weigh more, but after two years of regular hard workouts, a lot more of this weight is muscle than it was last time. That means that while I'm morbidly obese, I'm definitely less fat than last time I was 255 (and sedentary). Prolly less fat than when I last was 250 (cause the belly is not snug on the shirt).

So, a fifteen pound fit difference...shoot. I'm pretty amazed.

Makes one wanna keep working out. :)

Anyway, my "sparkly goal dress", size 20, fits now, and hubby says I look "great" in it. (He is blinded by love, but it makes me happy to hear that all the same.) My 27th wedding anniversary is Friday. Two days away.

I think I may need to figure out how to wear that sparkly dress out for dinner, yes? :)

Full body photo: What 267 lbs looks like on me.

I'm trying to have a better progress log in my own records. So, while most of my life I avoided taking pics if I could (even when I was slim and young)--cause I was convinced I was the ugliest thing my family ever birthed  and was and am self-conscious about my tetracycline-damaged teeth (and won't spend oodles of thousands for Lumineers unless someone wants to donate them, hah)--I'm braving more pics nowadays, at least of my bust upwards.


Sunday, we went shopping for organic produce (expensive, ouch, but tasty) and I had hubby take a couple of full body shots. Sigh.

All bodies are different in HOW they carry weight, but there is a point after which you cannot disguise that you're obese. At my weight of 267, there's no hiding it. It's there, it's out, it's unavoidable. And I carry it in apple fashion (round and in the gut bigtime). I noticed that the bit of weight I lost lately I lost in a different way than I used to before menopause hit me last year. It's going from my hips, not my waist. My waist was where I'd lose it first (and boobs). Now, it's hips. That sucks. Makes me apple-ier. Urk.

Anyway, here goes:

It's not just my food that's gone more natural and chemical-free. I've been moving to more natural hair care--hence my curls. I haven't blown-dried/straightened my hair since Nov of 2009. I try to use products that skew heavily on naturals (although with my allergy issues, some of those naturals are allergenic for me). Now, if only I could get FATTER HAIR and THINNER BODY from my quest for more natural ways. :)

Well, as always, it's up to me. Always has been. No matter the obstacles--menopause, middle age, hypothyroidism, autoimmune conditions, allergies, budget, plain old procrastinating lazy ass ways--it's up to me.


And your fat fight is up to you.

Happy fatfighting on this warm Wednesday....

A Couple Pics--Hard To Post, too, My Goodness--Of Me In Workout Wear

I'm uploading these to have something for comparison later, as I'm gonna hold on to that optimism that I will transform!

Anyway, I took a side and front view in the sunny garden (lovely day in Miami). Gosh, it's hard to take pics in shorts and sleeveless top. So dorky. But here we go. Me at 268.6.

Front:





Side:



As you can see, I'm an appley gal, lots of midsection fat--especially that protruding belly competing with my boobies (which are flattened by that sports bra, ick. I have some waist noticeable in the front view (Pilates helps with that). But my belly is a huge, huge thing. Less huge than at 299, granted, but still. And my upper arms could well be holiday hams...

I am happy to see my butt lifted with Pilates. It's a good two inches up there, not laying on my upper thighs. It's so much firmer (ditto thighs. And under all that belly fat, I can feel hard muscle. Ditto biceps. :) My butt, btw, used to be this flat square thing hanging down. Now, I have some curve and uplift. Yay, Pilates.

I plan by my fiftieth birthday, February 20, to have progress pics that show real, real progress. Yes, I do.

Yes, I will.

Note: For the larger gals who are just embarking on working out and having a trying time finding workout wear, I used to get mine at Junonia (when I was more like 300 lbs), but I found the tops at Old Navy (t-shirts and other workout type usable ones, like the sleeveless tanks and camisoles I use for Pilates) are way, way cheaper. I get my workout pants (bootcut, shorts, capris) at Danskin Plus (very good quality, I can wear the pants with nice tops). In this pic, I'm wearing a tank I got a Old Navy that stays put when I'm in weird positions in Pilates. The shorts are from Champion Plus. The wide-size aerobics shoes (not walking ones, those I get from Brooks, great for overpronators) are from Ryka. Very flexible for stuff like Kukuwa/salsa cardio. My microfiber undies (good for when you move a lot) are from Avenue. (But I use Junonia's quikwik briefs mostly for long sesions when I sweat a lot, cause they're very comfy and sweat-friendly. I use Goddess and Glamorise sports bras, cause they carry larger sizes.

The First Step To Stop Overeating --and Four More

Oh, Lawdy! The Overeating Ogre has come by this week after being gone for a while, drat him. He was by for dinner on Thursday (when I had four slices of whole wheat pizza and a big bowl of white bean soup and just about exploded) and Friday lunch (I had TWO entrees from Boston Market, TWO, with four sides, FOUR, and a chocolate cupcake and chocolate almonds). It was bad. It was like a PMS flash fire (only without the PMS, at least, I don't think so.)

But I banished the nasty creature last night and got back to normal. I walked. I did some at-home Pilates leg lifts. I did breathing to calm myself. I feel like I've slid back into Healthy Mindset today after the lunacy of the last two days.

Two bad days. Two bad meals, very bad.

All is forgiven. I'm moving on.

Fortunately for my spirits, I tried on a dress and two tops in my size today and both were HUGE on me. Hubby mentions my waist is nipping in. My butt is rounder (and according to hubby, firmer). Most startling, my abdominal pannus is smaller and a bit HIGHER. This is what makes me happiest of all. I hate that thing hanging there like a laundry bag. It's lifting, looking less bulky.

Two of my neighbors have commented on my "slimmer" physique as I've been out walking in the early evenings this week.

My bra band is looser. :)

I guess my clothing size has changed. :) I'm losing some fat, I know, and gaining muscle, so the scale is the same after a blip up the day after the pizza insanity.

So, instead of getting all happy and calm from this progress due to the Pilates--thank you, Liza--I binge. What up with that?

I notice other fatfighting bloggers and commenters on those blogs are struggling, and struggling a lot. We're having a binge epidemic.

Let's stop it. Now. Okay? No weekend excuses. No "it's Saturday, I need a treat" mantras. It ends now.

For you. For me. Let's get through this bad time and move forward.

I decided to look for something useful to share, something with tips and strategies and a bit of "workbook" exercises.

I found this one at About.com-- FIVE STEPS TO AVOID OVEREATING

I'll let you read it and do the work--Do it! Don't just read it! Do the work!--and I chose it because the first step is so crucial for those of us with chronic, emotional binge-eating:

Step A. Wake Up!

People who use food to feel better often report overeating when they are in a time-out or food trance. This trance provides an escape from inner criticism, difficult emotions, or stressful life situations. The first step is to find some way to wake up from the trance. No matter how intense your food craving, or how much you have already eaten, you have to snap back to reality before anything else can happen. There is no one proven guaranteed way to bring your self back to conscious awareness. You will have to experiment with several different ways to grab your own attention. Below are some suggestions that may work to bring you back into the here and now:

• Walk to the nearest mirror, look yourself deep in the eyes, and say hello to yourself.

• Talk aloud to yourself. Call yourself by name and say, "wake up."

• Shake your head to clear out the cobwebs.

• Take a deep breathe and say to yourself, "I am okay now. I am fine now. I am in control now."

• Plant visual cues in your kitchen. For example, place a special blooming potted plant on your kitchen table. Looking at it might remind you of your potential to bloom and prosper.

• Tape your baby picture on your refrigerator. Look at how pure and happy you are. Decide that you want to feel happy and eating is not the way to get there.

List a few methods you can think of to bring yourself back to living in the present moment:

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

Those are actually some very simple things to stop the binge-trance. It's not easy to get a clear head, but it's necessary. Copy and paste that step, print it out with the lines for you to write in. Do it! Come on!

Let's all try it, those of us having a hard week. Okay?

One of the methods I've thought of is doing a tape-recording or videotape of myself talkig to myself. I need to find a recorder somwhere (I know I have one) and tape myself doing the encouraging talk and the decisive talk and the hopeful, believing talk. I need to keep the recorder and tape handy--in the kitchen (where the table is) or living room, the only two rooms in the house where I eat.

Instead of a baby picture, I think I prefer a picture of myself in my early 20's, when I was a normal weight and very happy (cause I'd met my soulmate--hubby)and wore camis and shorts all the time cause my legs/thighs/belly/upper arms weren't huge.

Let me know if this strategy (and the others in the article) helped you get through to Monday (and beyond.)

Here's to a healthy weekend and a lighter weigh-in next week. If you want more, check out the eHow article on avoiding overeating. Drink water, focus on lots of fiber, slow down at meal times, etc. You've heard this before. So have I. Let's DO IT today adn tomorrow. It's a weekend of change, right?

Yes! We can!

Onward and Downward!

More articles:

Strategies to Avoid Overeating from Nutrition & Fitness Advisors--also focuses on awareness, keeping blood sugar steady, not starving, and finding what works for you.

Canadian Living's 8 Tips to Avoid Overeating

Escaping the Overeating Rut with a chart to help you become aware of your pattern/rut.

Tyranny of Skinny Ideal

I had a really "feel good" day yesterday, despite only sleeping 5 hours. (I only got five last night, too, cause I was up till 4 am doing some work.) I had energy like I hadn't had in a long while, and I felt...vivid! I decided my mood needed something vibrant, so I washed and straightened my hair into a glossy waterfall, painted my toenails an orange-red, and put on my summeriest lipstick--Manhunt, which looks orangey-red on me, though I already got my man--with some Lychee Luxe lipglass on top for extra shine. I felt glowy.

My Pilates teacher said she noticed I was walking differently, looked brighter, and seemed slimmer.

Heh.

So, on with the tortuous, but satisfying workout. During a point where my trainer was adjusting some springs on the Reformer, I looked over to the corner with the ladder barrel, where an impossibly slender and tall creature of blessed looks (must be another model, I swear) was leaning on the barrel, pushing disgustingly at the non-existent fat on her thighs. I kid you not. This gal only had the amount of fat humans need to live and no more. But her face in that mirror was disapproving.

What was she disgusted with?

You know how when you sit there is that downward pressure that makes your body spread a bit. It's normal. Has to happen. Gravity, weight, pressure--it's impossible not to have SOME thigh spread when you lean your weight back on your lower body, pressing against leather. Flesh gives.

Well, she judged herself so harshly for being human.

Mind you, she was a very pretty, very very thin, very tall human with legs a couple miles long. Most women would give a few toes and fingers and maybe an ear to have her figure.

She judged herself nonetheless.

How crazy is that?

I look in the mirror at the gym and feel horror, but I'm misshapen from an assortment of ills and bad habits. That gal was not. She should have been reveling in her near-perfection.

I think one day she'll be 68 and look at a photo of herself at this age (20's) and think, "Geesh. I was a hottie. I was SKINNY. Why the hell did I think something was wrong with me?"

I know I look at pics of myself in high school, when I felt so very ugly and chubby, and I think, "Um, not THAT bad. I wish I was that weight now."

I was 135 at my lowest, mostly around 139. Magazines told me I should be 120, 123 tops. I remember that number: 123. It was the Holy Grail back then for me in th 70's. I did yoga. I biked. I never got below 135. I hated, loathed, hated my body for it.

Unless I get some wasting disease or an eating disorder, I'll never be under 135. And now, I'll be happy to be under 200, and delirious to be under 175.

Perspective. Changes everything.

I'm trying to enjoy what I can do now, even if the mirror sometimes scares me. I woke up today and didn't toss on some baggy cotton tee. I treated myself with care. I put on a sexy black plunging v-neck tank top and decided to start being kinder to the me in the mirror, while I work harder at becoming healthier.

Cause, you know, I ain't getting yesterday back, or this last minute I spent typing here. Or my high school weight (realistically.)

And sometimes, when I was in the moment, I had such a warped attitude and judged myself harshly because some stupid ass magazines and charts said the right number was 123 or less. I berated myself. I was cruel to ME.

Internally, in my mind, in my spirit, I became my own enemy.

That fresh, slim, flexible, fit young woman at the studio was, for that moment, in that mirror, her enemy.

And it made me sad.

She's missing this moment, this moment when God blessed her with beauty and health and a body that fits the social ideal so perfectly. She is at a peak--and she's letting it get away in those moments of self-disgust and self-judging.

I'm too old (maybe a bit mature) to have felt spasms of envy (as I might have 10 years ago). A sense of regret at never having known what it felt like to be like THAT, yes, but nothing dark.

I felt mad, too, that we impose such harsh expectations on women. Damn.

So, I should treat this me that I am now with some mercy, cause when I'm 68, I might look back in a pic and think, "I wasn't as horrible as I thought," and I might wish to be this age again.

A Mean Measuring Tape & A Fruity Tale

The vile, vile tool of the measuring tape. Ouchie. Cruel and merciless and unyielding.

But all Princess Dieters need one to see how much progress--yes, yes, progress!-is being made, especially given how important the docs tell us that waist-to-hip ratios are in determing certain risk factors.

BTW, do you know what fruit you are? Are you an apple, that shape that carries such risks of diabetes and heart disease? Or are you a pear, that shape many women dread, cause it means big hips in relation to smaller upper body? Hey, a pear is a good fruit to be, healthwise. Smallish waist to roundy hips is womanly--and it's good for your heart.

So, I brought out the dread implement, that long and skinny, dare I say snakey, tape and took the two crucial measurements: waist and hip.

48 and 59

Ghastly!

Now, out comes the calculator. I use a bright red one with a flip top that I keep in my desk drawer. You can use this one online.

Divide the waist measurement by the hip measurement and....I got .81 as the quotient.

The online calculator says I'm an AVOCADO. (No, sorry, I just don't look good in that color. BUT, I love to eat avocados, so, well, I'll just think "salad" and not "tunic top.")

Here's the stuff they told avocado me:

Your waist-to-hip ratio is 0.81

You're an "avocado"

Even though your hips are easily larger than your waist, your risk is higher than a pear's (but lower than an apple's). Unlike fat on your hips, which tends to just sit there, the fat you carry around your middle or on your upper torso is easily converted into energy whenever your body runs short. That process raises cholesterol levels and blood pressure, which can lead to heart disease or stroke. It also causes insulin resistance, a common prelude to diabetes. After menopause, women are much likelier to gain weight around their middles and on their upper torsos.

Researchers studying nearly 45,000 women aged 40 to 65 in the ongoing Nurses Health Study have found a remarkable link between waist-to-hip ratios and serious health problems. If you're under age 60 and your ratio is between 0.76 and 0.88, you have two and a half to three times as much chance of getting coronary disease as women whose ratios are 0.72 and less. If you're 60 or older, the risk falls to about one and a half times that of women 0.72 and under.

Waist size alone can signal the danger of heart disease and diabetes. Your waist is larger than 38 inches, which means your chances of getting coronary heart disease are triple those of women whose waists measure 28 inches or less. If you're under age 60, the risk goes even higher -- four times that faced by smaller-waisted women. Also, the possibility that you'll develop diabetes is roughly five times what is for women with small waists (26 inches or less).

So, what fruit are YOU?

~ ~ ~