I HAVE MOVED! My main blog as of Sept of 2010 is TWO YEARS TO HAPPY WEIGHT AFTER. Visit me there. My post links in the updates below will link up to the new blog. THANKS for reading!

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Gearing Up for a New, Healthier Year--while fighting depressive onset

I had a nice weigh-in Monday: 264.2 A new low.

But I'm also mentally fighting off the clear onset of a depressive episode. I have sensed something off for about a month (notice I'm not posting much, either). I felt draggy, but my thyroid check showed it was totally fine. I was sleeping more and more and avoiding activities. I didn't even do my holiday cards this year. My bills piled up and, though I had plenty in the checking account to pay them, I kept putting of paying them cause I felt...totally lacking in motivation to do ANYTHING. I barely made it through the holidays without totally bumming out. But I didn't feel great holiday cheer, despite a really nice family gathering with roast pig and the Cuban-American works.

Since Christmas, all I wanna do is sleep. I'm in total avoidance mode. I can feel the blanket coming over my spirit. Sucks.

Sometimes, whatever weird mechanism is involved in this physiology of mine that's made me have recurring episodes of depression since I was, er, about nine years old, well, sometimes it just short circuits and I return to feeling okay, which is why I try to rule out other stuff before I think, "Ah, the blue funk is coming on."

I'm hoping for a big crash and return to normal. Two years without depression has been very, very nice. I want to start the year joyful, not like a limp rag.

I finally told hubby yesterday to get cracking on praying for my mood. I didn't want to worry him, but even he's noticed I'm not quite bubbly and I'm not waking up until well past sundown. And the place is getting to critical clutter mass, cause I can't be bothered to put stuff away.

On the diet side, it was going decently, if not zippily (holding and a little loss, holding and a little loss). But depression makes me less active and makes me want endless supplies of serotonin-inducing carbs. I have been this way for almost two weeks, fighting off (or not fighting off) the endless desire for farina, macaroni, grits, toast, cookies, mashed potatoes, chips, fries (and I so rarely eat those, but I've had them 3 times this month)...anything to churn carbs into my system.

I don't want to lose ground, not in weight and not in happiness. I've had a happy year and I want a happier New Year.

I'm thinking positive. I'm gonna focus on the good and work had to get my body to refuse this round of blues. I will, I will, I will.

I WILL...have a healthy and "lighter" New Year.
I WILL...see great things to come. I WILL.

And I will wish a healthy and Happy New Year for everyone. May it be so...