Main Blog UPdated: Fight The Fat Remotivation Project Day 1 VLOG

Fight The Fat Remotivation Project Day 1 VLOG

 

Main Blog Updated: E2E Challenge: Midweek Update #9 --VLOG edition

E2E Challenge: Midweek Update #9 --VLOG edition

I gots a "pink" mood for my walk...and if you're in E2E, remember your movement goals....(another VLOG...much shorter this time)

I gots a "pink" mood for my walk...and if you're in E2E, remember your movement goals....(another VLOG...much shorter this time)

New Blog Updated: Phat Pilates~~How Your Trainer Can Modify for the Big-Bellied so the Fat and Obese and Do Pilates!

Read it here (and see the pics):

Phat Pilates ~How Your Trainer Can Modify For The Big-Bellied so the Fat and Obese CAN do Pilates!

Please update your links/follows to the new blog. THANKS.

Happy Monday!

When I didn't Feel Like Exercising...This song got me UP ON MY FEET!!!

I played it over and over and just danced and did some isometrics to it!  Made me feel good.

They're gonna be in a local peace festival. I wanna go!!!!

My pic at Suite 101: "Fat People Can Do Pilates Equipment Workout"

A pic of me from this blog post originally published on  this blog in June showed up in an article over at Suite 101. The article is titled "Fat People Can Do Pilates Equipment Workout."  And yes, I'm proof fat people CAN.


I've published a page with my Pilates workout pictures from both the June OUAD blog posts that featured them over at my new blog in a tab page: Phat Pilates.

If I was a trainer or Pilates stuidio owner, I'd start "Phat Pilates" classes and do an outreach to interest the overweight and obese and morbidly obese. 


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Face Up To It Fridays: Met Loss Goal, Didn't Meet Activity or Intrinsic Motivation Goals, Hubby noticed shrinkage, and Thoughts after watching THINTERVENTION...

New blog has been updated: Two Years to Happy Weight After

If you haven't changed my addy/follows, please do so. THANKs.

UPDATE: 
Face Up To It Fridays: Met Loss Goal, Didn't Meet Activity or Intrinsic Motivation Goals, Hubby noticed shrinkage, and Thoughts after watching THINTERVENTION...
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Fat Gals CAN Do Pilates! Even MORBIDLY OBESE ones! Here's Photographic Proof...

UPDATE: A pic of me from this blog post originally published on ONCE UPON A DIET blog showed up with an article over at Suite 101. The article is titled "Fat People Can Do Pilates Equipment Workout."  And yes, I'm proof fat people CAN.

~~~As promised, the pics of me during one of my Pilates training sessions. The pics were taken 6-10-10 and I was 265 at the time (for reference, for the fat gals out there who wonder if THEY can do it at X pounds. I have done it at 278 lbs, too.). I am an apple shape, meaning I carry my fat mostly in the middle, principally in that forward danger zone: the abdomen. My belly is huge. It actually IS an impediment to movement. So, we work around it.

If you aren't familiar with Pilates or are and have been intimidated by the equipment or think your size is a barrier, then I'm here to say: try it.

Yes. Fat folks can do it.   Here are pics of a plus-sized gal doing it. She's the only one I've been able to find online shown doing various poses.

The exercise community seems to be lagging behind the reality of what's going on in the US. They have only recently begun discussing how to deal with overweight/obese clients. And I've seen some advise the client to lose weight first. (Excuse me?!) But little by little, I see that conversation widening. (Not fast enough, not wide enough, but some). When I began doing Pilates in 2008, those pics I linked to were NOT online. I couldn't find pics of big gals like me doing Pilates, never mind BIG MIDDLE-AGED gals. :D

But we're the ones who need to exercise THE most, and many of us have back pain issues, joint pain, and could benefit from the increased core strength (to carry that heavy load) and flexibility.

I have bad knee joints and one slightly wrecked ankle, and I purposefully chose Pilates because it's easy on the joints and low-impact. I did fear I wouldn't be able to use the strange apparati (not strange now, but strange to me prior to doing it). I will confess that getting on and off the Reformer is TOUGH for us heavyweights. But you'll only look like an overturned, drunk turtle for a few weeks to a month, then you'll look like a sober overturned turtle, then you'll start getting up and off with more ease as you get stronger.

The Cadillac, though, is great for us. For big gals and guys, getting down to the floor and back up can be tough (especially if, like me, you have to be super-cautious about what you do with your knees). But the Cadillac is higher off the ground and it's a breeze getting on and off. I strongly recommend that if you're a big person, you tell your instructor to let you use the Cadillac to start, along with Reformer work, and avoid the mat as long as you can.

So, here it is. A morbidly obese, middle-aged gal does Pilates:

Okay, first pic is me on the Reformer (the apparatus that most folks will associate with Pilates, invented by Mr. Pilates himself.) It's got a sliding part you sit or stand on, springs, attachments, a foot bar, etc, so diverse and numerous exercises can be performed on it--for warming up and for strengthening, for arms and legs and core and back, etc. Here, I'm working upper body. I am sitting on a short bench in order to modify it to accomodate my belly (lets my legs extend without straining my lower back. I am doing the Airplane, which is part of the "essential" Pilates Reformer repertoire called BACK ROWING PREPS.). Like many Pilates moves, this LOOKS easy in the pic, but you are constantly focusing your attention on proper form and breathing, so I tend to be deeply in my brain coordinating the postural and breath stuff. I do less well on the breath being asthmatic, but when it's good, it does help a lot. Depending on the way the machine is configured (for tension), this can be REALLY CRAZY HARD.

Hah. Speaking of breath, you can see my cheeks puffed up here as I blow out air on exertion (ie, I'm pulling up on the rope). Again, this is the Reformer, I'm on that little bench for modification , and I'm in a half roll-down position doing biceps curls. (I do have hard lil biceps, too, now!) It's WAY harder than it looks when you've got a gazillion fat cells in the way of tucking butt under and holding stomach muscles curled so as to support weight with the core. This exercise is also part of the Essential Reformer Repertoire, back rowing preps category.

It took me a good, long while to be able to do this, and it's STILL really hard for me. I went into Pilates with the upper body strength of a newborn, I swear. My trainer has been merciless (thank you) with the upper body work to get me to a better, stronger place. (Man, can I carry a lot of groceries now.) But it's still not my forte, and anything where weight is supported by my upper body and is on my puny, carpal-tunnely wrists, it's tough.

In this one, it's your CORE that is pulling you in (ie, sliding in the carriage), not your arms. Your arms stay still and firm and long, and, here's the kicker, your pelvis has to come forward (the shifting of weight is killer),  and then your abdomen has to do the work. So hard. That first pic is the out position (the carriage is slid out some). Here's the in position: my core pulled in the carriage.

I will add that it's very hard for me to do some straigtening moves (of arms, of legs) in particular positions, as my fat IS an obstacle. But that doesn't mean you can't modify or do what your body allows, safely.

Aha! At upper left--the Push Through with Modified Teaser on the Cadillac. This exercise starts with you laying down and then you lift your head and roll up your torso as you lift the bar.

To accomodate my level (I am NOT advanced yet) and my belly, we've done the legs in a diamond position. Here, my knees are bent with feet together.

We decided to see if I could get my legs straighter: a push through with teaser. And here's that move at left.

It's really tough for me to straighten my arms here due to the obstruction of fat in the upper arms/upper back/neck. But I do try. :)

We move over to the ladder barrel usually for the last minutes of the session. (The pics above are not in the order I did the exercises, as we began on the Cadillac, then moved to Reformer.)  Side bends (hate em, get cramps in my hips if I'm not perfect on form) are tough. You are lifting your upper body weight with your core, especially focusing on your obliques. Down and up. Down and up. I've done it with feet in this position and higher on the rungs. With arm out and with both arms bent with hands on forehead.

Again, I'm blowing out that air. Hah. Glad I did my pedicure before my trainer surprised me with the picture-taking.

After this, we tend to do stretches, getting me cooled down safely.

And we usually end a session with a roll down, which means standing, feet parallel, hip distance apart, then rolling down from the neck and down vertebrae by vertebrae until you just hand loose, then you tuck your pelvis and scoop your abs and roll up vertebrae by vertebrae to a slow count of 4, exhaling.

I didn't have pics for every exercise and stretch we did in 55 mins time, but these are to show what might be included in a workout on various apparati.

I hope if you're a fat gal or guy--obese or morbidly obese--you won't be afraid to try Pilates. I always feel so much better afterwards and, yes, it helps your activities of daily living and SEX. :D  As you can see, snuggish fitting clothing is good . This--in the pics-- is one of my baggier tops for Pilates, and I have camisoles, tank tops, and racerback tops, all sleeveless and all more snug,  that I wear as well. I also have Danskin shorts and bootcut pants that I've worn to a session, but capris are my fave, as they do offer my knees a layer of cloth to absorb sweat for the "on my knees" moves.

There it is. As promised: Fat Princess Does Pilates.

Now there's pics of TWO of us supersized, Pilates-loving ladies on the internet.

If you are in the Miami area and want to try a private session to see what you think of Pilates, do call Liza at The Pilates Room in North Miami Beach.  I strongly recommend a couple or more private sessions BEFORE undertaking classes, as you need to learn about proper Pilates posture (imprinting is hard for some to "get") and what will be the needed modifications for your larger body type. The link takes you to their site with contact info, class schedule, and bios of the instructors.

Later, and a happy, healthful Tuesday to all!

WARNING: These photos are the property of this blog's owner and cannot be used without permission and should not under any circumstance be hotlinked. But feel free to use a regular link to use this as a reference as needed to help other folks who have weight problems and wanna do this great form of exercise and rehab.

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Are You Saying "I'll Go When I Lose Some Weight" Before Going to the Gym, Pilates or Yoga Studio, or the Pool? THEN Stop Being Afraid & Stop Making Excuses

Woman glances into a gym as she walks by. Woman peeks through the Pilates studio's window as she heads for Subway. Woman studies Yoga studio's ad and thinks, "My belly and thighs are too big. I can't do that. When I lose weight, I'll try it."

Yeah, that was me.

To some extent that is me. I still won't go to LA Fitness, cause it's so huge and packed it feels overwhelming. But I do go regularly, and have gone for two years, to a Pilates studio, a wee airy and sunny place where my big fat body is welcomed.

Today, I was reminded of that years-ago me that was so afraid to walk into the studio. My trainer mentioned a heavy gal (she said the woman was somewhat larger than me, but hippy as opposed to appley) who came to the studio recently, but said she'd come back when she'd lost weight. What had happened was that she'd gotten gastric bypass, had lost a lot, but then had regained it all back.

I told the trainer that maybe she could invite the woman to watch me or join me during one of my sessions, so she could see that, yes, a VERY fat woman could do Pilates. I have no problem being observed if it makes it easier for a fellow big gal do something good for her health. She should NOT wait "until I lose some weight."

I used to think that very same phrase. And it kept me from doing a damn speck of exercise for 5 years cause, you know, I never really lost all that much weight while I waited for that hypothetical slimmer day.

So, is that you?

Have you been wishing you could try yoga, Pilates, spinning, an aquatic aerobics class, but you are afraid you'll be the biggest gal in the group? Are you intimidated by the equipment? Are you worried your baggy workout wear will make you stand out amidst the tight-spandex-n-cotton wearing slim folks?

Quit that. Exercise has multiple benefits (and especially so for the overweight and obese and, yes, MORBIDLY obese like moi).

My tale, the quickie version: I had wanted to try Pilates for a couple decades. But I'd see those poses and machines and thing, "Fat me will never be able to do that." A studio opened up a few years ago nearby. I'd drive by and see the sign and think, "Gee...I wish...gee..." But I never stopped in.

Then, about a year after I started this blog and had lost a handful of pounds and realized I needed to get my mushy, muscle-less, couch potato bod into some movement, I research Pilates. It seemed joint-friendly and not taxing to my weak lungs (ie, I get exercise induced asthma and aerobics is tough on my breathing AND my knees/ankles, as I have a torn ACL ligament and just plain old OLD and BAD knees from carrying the weight of 2, 2.5 people for way too long.)

It took me another couple months to get up the nerve to call and ask if they could handle a morbidly obese client. Then it took even more nerve to put on workout wear (a semi-baggy long tee with leggings) go in the door. I was TERRIFIED. I was thinking they'd say, "Oh, we were wrong. Our equipment can't handle 275 pounds."  I was afraid I'd totally fail.

Well, figures my first several sessions there were, two, count em two, beautiful, impossibly long and slim, leggy models who had sessions at the same time as me. (I felt like the muddy giant toad next to the pearl-and-sunlight festooned princesses. I am not kidding. These women were so lovely they had to be DNA-enhanced mutants.) But you know what, nobody laughed. Nobody made me feel bad except ME.

Two years later, I still go to the same sunny, airy room and get my muscley mojo going. I am still too fat (but about 10 lbs lighter from the highest weight as which I did Pilates ). I still need to adapt some of the moves to my apple-shape (my belly is an actual obstacle to some classic positions, so we work around it). I'm not afraid of the equipment. I actually LOOK FORWARD to the Cadillac and the Reformer (my two fave pieces of equipment). I kinda like the Wunda Chair (and got the Malibu Chair to do stuff at home). I use the barrel, the fitness balls, the magic circle, the bands, the straps, the toning balls.

I'm not intimidated to say, "Oh, this position is bad for my lousy knee. Can we do this another way?" Yes, you CAN do it another way. If your teacher is well-trained and certified, she or he can FIND a way to accomodate your body type.

I even wear shorts and sleeveless snug tanks and camisoles now so the trainer can better see my muscle-engagement. Does that look good? Heck no. I'm 267 lbs in a teeny weenie top and tight bicycle length Danskin shorts and capris. This is not something I want to photograph any time soon. But when I go there, it's about EXERCISE, not looks. I wanna be comfy and I wanna facilitate the trainer's observations and coaching.

To be honest, I used to look like an overturned turtle trying to get on and off the Reformer. While I am not a ballerina of grace now, I can more easily do that. Muscle helps. :D

I'm hoping with this callenge to drop some belly weight and be able to improve even more. I want to do Pilates without special accomodations for a morbidly obese apple-shaped body. I want to do it with the freedom that comes without massively excess adiposity.

This is part of my ultimate health goals: To lose enough weight to feel really free in any position in Pilates (adjusting for weight and joint sensitivity issues).

Note: The two images are of the actual Pilates studio where I work out. :) Yep, my big fat body uses all that stuff.

So, if you have put off some form of exercise--a class, training, a gym, Pilates, etc--please remember that you need it MORE than the young and skinny chicks. You NEED to grow muscle and burn fat. You need to get flexible and feel stronger for you own life.

Don't let fat-shame or fat-phobia stop you. Try it. Even if you're the only big gal in a  place--and I am the only morbidly obese person at this studio, and I rarely see even overweight folks there-- you just might inspire another overweight gal to give it a shot. You'd be the trailblazer or example for someone who needs it.

Summer Slimmin's Update: Did 55 minutes of intense Pilates. Drinking water just fine. Eating is good and within calories. I tracked all my foods by "writin' it" at Sparkpeople. Had 5 fruits and veggies as of mid-afternoon. I posted comments on all the challenge blogs that had Monday posts as of 6:20pm EST. Weigh-in was half a pound down. Yay.

Responding to a Pilates Query

Meg asked in a comment on a previous post:

I've always wanted to try Pilates, but I'm super self conscious about trying new classes at the gym. How is it?

First off, from scanning your blog, it looks to me like you are at normal weight and pretty fit (ie, you run and exercise, etc). So, you have nothing to feel self-conscious about...AT ALL!!! Go try a class. Make sure it's taught by a certified Pilates teacher (not just someone who's done it and decided to up and teach it). Form, focus, and breathing matter in Pilates, so you want someone who knows how to do it right and teach it properly, who will correct your form during the length of the class.

Now, back to the self-conscious thing: Girl, I started Pilates weighing 272 pounds and having been a couch potato for years and years. I didn't even know if I COULD do it, much less worry about how dumbass I'd look trying to do it. :)

I've since REGAINED some weight I lost. Last week, I was doing Pilates at 282. I did it yesterday at 278.8. And on the reformer next to me was a model with impossibly long and slender limbs and apparently a 0.5% body fat.

I know about self-conscious.

Add to that that I'm the only obese person doing Pilates at the place where I train. I'm certainly the only MORBIDLY obese person there.

Still, I've been doing it for nearly nine months and I feel more flexible, stronger, my arms and legs have better shape, I can do my activities with more ease (ie, groceries, crouching, reaching), and for a very fat 49 year old woman who was nearly an invalid in the 20th century, I am happy to report this. And even having regained some weight, I look slimmer than when I started. I feel denser, firmer. And my acanthosis got better, so that may be just the exercising after NOT exercising for so long. I was used to being ill with severe respiratory infections two to five times a year. Since I started working out, I got sick ONCE.

Honestly, if I can do it, just about anyone can. And I do qualify with "just about", because I do understand that being significantly larger than I am, 350 or 400 or 500 pounds, has a huge impact on what you can do. I chose this form of exercise particularly because of damage I have to my joints from being fat. It isn't easy on the ankles and knees and hips. Pilates is very joint-friendly.

Getting on and off the Reformer, the most famous piece of Pilates equipment, while easier than when I started--when I flopped and flipped about like a mutant giant turtle--is still not the most graceful activity. But when I"m on it, I do my thang! I've done stuff I wouldn't believe I could have done. Heck, I'm able to do one of the exercises that includes the position to the left on the Cadillac, even while morbidly obese.

I think all of us with fat issues, body image issues find it hard wearing tight workout clothing (snug clothing being essential for Pilates). I know for me, it was really hard. And it was hard walking into the studio with wall-to-wall mirrors and models and skinny dancers feeling like Shamu with arthritis. But a good teacher and an environment that is accepting and wants to foster health makes up for a lot of self-consciousness.

The fact that I"ve stuck to it, 3x a week, hour sessions, for nearly 9 months says something. I've never stuck to exercise this long. NEVER. And I've swallowed my discomfort with being seen in tight clothes moving about to the point where yesterday, in order to march in place with higher knees, I HELD MY BELLY UP WITH MY HANDS out of the way of my knees. I looked demented. But it helped me move with better form. So, ah, yeah. I can't believe I did that. Hah!

Someone in your much better shape and much slimmer form will do marvelously. You'll see a lovely line emerge in your arms and legs. Your tummy and waist will reform. You'll feel longer and sleeker. You will be happy with the results.

I told my hubby this weekend, "Man, if I weren't covered in all this fat, you could see my rocking ab muscles!"

And you should NOT feel self-conscious. You doubtless look very, very good already. :)

And again, for the fat gals out there who've been afraid, just do it. Save the money, get a couple to three personal sessions first to ground you in the breathing, posture, scooping techniques and to use each of the machines and equipment pieces at least once with your trainer. Then, ask what class they think you should take. It's an investment that is worth it.

A New Week Battling an Old Problem

Well, something is off in my body.

I'm glad I have an appointment with the endocrinologist in 3 weeks, just in case it's that. But who knows. When one has multiple chronic issues, it can be an assortment of causes for fatigue.

And I've been really fatigued. I've been sleeping between 12 and 14 hours. I haven't washed my hair in 8 days cause blow-drying it feels beyond me. Always a sign that, whether a temporary hitch in the chemicals or time for a reassessment of meds, something's up. Or down. I normally don't have dark circles under my eyes (ie, no more than normal coloration), but I look ashen and my circles are purpley-grey. I have no pep.

I feel like it's work to keep myself upright.

I had promised my trainer I'd do at least 10 minutes of aerobic activity per week. I totally never got into it last week. I decided to push myself through the 10 minutes before today's session. I put on my heart monitor (to make sure I was in range) and I just marched/walked in place until I could keep my heart in the 130's bpm.

It's pathetic that it took so much self-talk and mental prep to do TEN FRICKEN MINUTES of THR aerobic activity.

But, fine, it's done.

In a couple hours, I have my Pilates. And it's been hard getting through that since I got sick. I just have to push mentally and physically. I so want to get the vim and joy back, ya know?

Because I felt so lethargic, no, I didn't do my shopping or my cooking. I did make better choices for dinner and lunch a couple times, less ideal others. In the end, though, even with two binge days last week (Wednesday and Thursday, and yes, it was BAD), I ended up being able to change the weight stat and finally be lower again than January 1. (I had been running HIGHER than my year-start weight.)

I so envy people who have lovely energy and good health and wake up feeling that revving engine. I'm sputtering. Hate that.

Whether it's the Metabolic Syndrome, the hormonal issues of middle-age, the Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, or something else, it truly sucks feeling tired all the time and having no interest in enjoying the beautiful Miami winter weather. Sucks.

But, one hour at a time. I made it through the 10 minutes of marching, I'll make it through Pilates, and, with enough mental rah-rahing, I may make it to the grocery store before I doze off.

Hope liveth in my pooped body.

~

Trying to Add More Activity Into My Life: A State Park Stroll and Swimming is Next

Since I'm still struggling so badly with the caloric containment, I figure I ought to at least work on increasing the movement aspect. I have strength training and flexibility going well with my 3x a week Pilates personal training. I definitely feel stronger and my muscles are firmer.

After nearly 2 decades of being a total couch potato--from bed to chair to sofa to bed, with maybe a few hundred steps taken a day, unless I had errands to run--this is a wonderful difference. I don't want to lose the habit of moving. I know, from all the stats, that I need to move more. Obese folks who are serious about losing fat and keeping weight off tend to have to exercise MORE than normal. That means an hour or more five or more days a week. I'm up to three.

I need more.

The big, fat gaping hole in my exercise plan is not my mouth, it's cardio. I am not working on the sort of movement that gets the heart up to target zone and keeps it there long enough to really get the heart strong. As a person at risk of heart attack and stroke, I need to do that. NEED, not necessarily want.

The main obstacle has been and is my bum left knee, and now my recently-becoming bum right one, and possibly early arthritic left hip (it aches a lot and requires mucho stretching mornings). Being fat is murder on one's lower body joints. Just wears those babies out. Doing anything that requires walking, stepping, etc, in any sort of brisk pace scares me. I do not want to be injured and off my feet.

Fear aside, I did get in about 2 hours of strolling on Saturday. My sis, hubby and I went to Oleta River State Park, which is close to my house. Less than a five-minute drive. I've lived in this neighborhood 11 years and never have visited. That's cause I never was trying to be active, and this is a park frequented by "mountain" bikers, hikers, nature enthusiasts, kayakers and the such. But we went, walked around to see if it would be a good place for my birthday party next month. In all, I was on my feet and moving for a little over two hours, but not at a cardio pace. Still, I was quite happy to get some fresh air, sun, dip my hands into a creek, walk along the small beach, smell the barbecue from assorted family parties, and catch sight of vultures, hawks, seagulls, pelicans (including one curious one with "blonde" feathers on his head), other birds I don't know by name, and, best of all, no snakes or gators. :D When one is obese, any activity is a plus. Saturday was an activity plus for me.

It's also my first outing in shorts (other than for a quick to/fro to my Pilates) in a long, long time. Behold a morbidly obese, middle-aged woman with a gargantuan messenger bag:



My junior high nickname was "Red." My love of red has not abated, as you can see.

As I normally avoid cameras, it must have seemed odd to my hubby that I was like, "Take a pic for the blog!" I said, "Do I look stupid?" He said, "No, you look very happy." I said, "I AM HAPPY!"

I was, too. Which must mean that the funk that was brewing was more related to the stress of having been ill for weeks, rather than a real depression. It has been lifting, off and way. Hurrah! (I am still sleeping 12 hours, so it's not completely gone, or I'm not completely over the physical draining of the illness. Either way, it's a good sign that I can feel happy.)

Back to "being active":

I did a brave, brave thing. Yes, I ordered two bathing suits. Whoa. And goggles. And a swim cap, which will guarantee I'll be the dorkiest swimmer in the city.

There's a pool one block away I've never used. I figure I might try to just paddle around for 20 to 30 mins a couple times a week (when the chill passes) and get my heart rate up without taxing my knees and hip. I haven't been in a pool in more than 20 years. I'm a little anxious about it, especially being in a suit in public. Ick.

I remember when I wouldn't go out without sleeves. Last year, I got over that and have worn a lot of sleeveless camisoles and empire tops out. I did it at first just cause I was exercising and it was my workout wear for Pilates. Later, it was my way of staying cool during hot flashes. Now, while I am still not fully comfortable with my fat flappy arms being exposed, I got over the terror of doing it. One step...

Some of my goals for overcoming fears for the year are water-related: 1. learn to swim properly, rather than just barely/poorly 2. to get over my fear of doing activities on the water, like canoeing or kayaking and 3. to lose enough weight to fit into a kayak so I can get over that fear and 4 to lose enough weight that I can fearlessly wear a skirtless bathing suit.

I've lived in the Sunshine State for 35 years come June, and I really should get to the point where I can take advantage of all this sun and water.

Dontcha think?

What brave thing will you do this year that your fat has kept you from doing?

Let's work toward it!
~~

Facing Down Another Funk

Sorry, y'all. I am trying hard here to face up to and battle another slide into the blue. Ironically, it was one year ago this month that I came out of a roughly 5 year long depression. I couldn't believe how good it felt to feel normal. It made it possible for me to start Pilates with some vim and hope.

This month, I'm feeling that flatness come again. Damn.

My head feels like it's full of fog, my joy has taken a dive, and I find it hard to do simple grooming. (I didn't wash my hair for 8 days just cause the prospect of blow-drying it was daunting.) Perhaps the weeks of allergies and asthma are the cause, and it's not really so much a clinical depression looming, but just my body stressed by illness. Could be. I hope. That means I'll return to normal soon.

I have no desire to do anything, not even blog, to be honest. I just want to go sleep--which is not good.

So, I went by the pool that's a block away to find out about water aerobics, hoping that adding more exercise (though I don't wanna) will help with the mood thing. Of course, it was closed. Holiday. Stupid me. :-/

Maybe I'll drop by tomorrow. I don't want to just sink into another dark epoch. Had enough of that.

But really, just typing this is making me feel tired.

Sucks.

Honestly, Too Pooped To Blog Coherently

I only slept about 4 hours total last night--broken into 2 hours and 1.75 hours, with a restless break in-between when I read and stretched.

And I had to go to the doc. I am waiting for EIGHT prescriptions to be filled--and that's not all the prescriptions she gave me, just the ones I need now. One of my meds got switched for another.

I don't even know if I'm making sense. Heh.

:::slaps face to wake up:::

The cold front moved in (rain yesterday, glorious day today), so driving was nice in the lovely sunshine and cool air. My hair looks great with the low humidity--shiny and no frizz. Better yet, the change eased my breathing a bit. I'll take it. I did have to wear a mask from the house to the car, as The Door Guy is here fixing our broken front door. The paint smell, I don't need. I'm staying away from the yard and front areas.

My Pilates instructor has been so encouraging, despite me missing 3 weeks already. She said once I'm breathing okay and back at it, I'll regain strength fast. I choose to believe this. :) It keeps me hopeful.

Oh, and I ate too much Chinese at lunch. This is what comes of eating a too tiny breakfast (200 cals/4 points) out of fear of busting the scale at the doc's office. (I knew I'd weigh in heavier due to not sleeping enough--always happens.) I usually don't eat before I go to see my doc, but I was hungry. That'll teach me to go too long on too little fuel. Temptation is harder to fight.

But I'm gonna have my protein shake and fruit for a light supper and go to BED!!!!!!!!!! SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!! SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Sleep is such a gorgeous, gorgeous thing.

So, until tomorrow, I wish you all a lovely "what's left of Thursday"... :)

~~~

PS: I keep getting this box asking for user and password as requested by Twitter.com. Anyone else getting that on Blogger. It's annoying. I removed my twitter widget.

Still Not Able To Exercise..Grrr!

If you had told me a year ago that at some point I'd really miss exercising and I'd be totally antsy to get back to working out, I'd have laughed spittle upon your face in my uproar of incredulous glee.

Well, blow me down. I'm really, truly antsy to get back to my Pilates sessions.

But my respiratory system is not cooperating. :(

I'm taking forever to get over this episode of inflammation, despite lots of fluids, juices, and eating clean.

I think I can feel my muscles losing firmness! Nooooo!!!

I still covet prayers and good vibes.

~~

Why It's Worth Taking the Risk to Exercise

I know I'm not alone in the "I'll feel so embarrassed to put on workout wear and look foolish in the gym" phobia.

I had to get over mine (and trust me, it still lurks) to step inside a Pilates studio full of the fit and the young and the beautiful sleek ones.

But good things can come of taking the chance and saying to the fear, "Yes, someone might make fun of me, but that's their problem, not mine. My problem is obesity and lack of fitness. That's what I need to address. Not someone else's immaturity."

I came across this in a post today at Thinking Thin Too blog:

My motivation is increasing. This is not a normal thing for me. I am not used to it, but I like it. I think I know what is causing this oddity. Want to know what it is? No, it's not A (well maybe a small part of it). It's the classes that I am going to. I never would have imagined that mustering up the courage to go to these classes would lead me to crave them. Yes, I said crave them. Yesterday, I was dog tired and I went home and didn't want to go. Just like the other week, at 5:30 I got up, changed my clothes, went to the gym and did the class. I have not missed a class since I started going. For those of you that haven't tried the classes, have you not tried them out of fear?

Let me tell you. I haven't done many things throughout my life because of fear. I don't want people watching the fat chic. You hear people whispering, and you assume it's about you...

Anyway, so that fear of being the center of attention has always kept me from trying those classes until that one day about 6 weeks ago. I haven't missed a class since. If you can muster up the courage, go to one. Trust me, you will find that exercise goes quickly. You will no longer dread going.

I would not have believed it possible if you had told me last year that I would feel disappointment at the idea of missing a Pilates session. But that's where I'm at. I've missed ONE session (that I had to cancel due to stomach woes after eating a hard, unripe pear). And I felt awful calling to cancel.

It's really hard. I'm not gonna say that exercising is a breeze or a snap. I have to find that place inside me that keeps going and doesn't quit during a tough session. (They're all tough, but some are tougher and make me wonder how I'll survive.) But I feel so good when I'm done. Like I did a virtous thing, like I'm not a weenie, like I'm on track on something...:)

If I could afford it, I'd go more often. But I am grateful to be able to take what I can.

And that's amazing. That just doing it and seeing how, "Wow, I am stronger this week than last, and I'll be stronger next week than this"--that is motivational.

If I could find that sort of groove with my portions, I'd be a big losing fool.

I want to be that kind of fool. :)

So, if you think that exercise sucks and you're too big to go to a gym or a studio or the park fitness trail or whatever, think about this blogger and Thinking Thin, and remember that it's possibly you can amaze yourself. Just find the exercise that works for you--be it hiking, weight lifting, Pilates, a spinning class, yoga, walking, belly dancing, boxing, Tae Kwon Do, swimming...whatever. Somewhere out there is an activity that will grab you and astound you by making you WANT TO DO IT and HATE TO MISS IT. No matter your budget, there's something for you.

Just tell your fears to take a hike. Tell your worries about fatphobics to chill. Hike up your big girl panties (preferably breathable ones) and go work out.

I hope you find YOUR activity this week. :)

The Damage Done, The Challenge(s) Ahead, and an Award

Okay, so I step on the scale after an absence from weighing-in and from regular posting: 272.0 lbs.

So, lower than my last official weigh-in of 272.4, less than what I started the challenge (which was almost 274.) But not as low as I should be, sure. (Slaps self.)

I thought it was gonna be worse, honestly. After weeks of being lax with the eating plan. It's 2 lbs over the lowest weigh-in (post-challenge at the end of August 270.2, which I never posted).

So...I have made no weight loss progress THIS year. I'm at the weight I waas 1/28/08.

Ah, well.

I didn't get back in th e 280's, which I would be, or higher, if I hadn't been vigilant. I totally understand how hard it is to maintain now. I'm nowhere near goal, but maintaining a 27 lb loss has been work, all the same. NOT gaining is hard. Not as hard as losing for me, but still hard.

Wow. No wonder even folks who have had gastric bypass have trouble keeping to their lowest weights, no wonder there is some regain. This is tough stuff.

Anyway...

I want to be in the 260's so bad, I'm even tempted to join Angie's no-wimps challenge. But my inner wuss hesitates.

I do want to join CCs Christmas challenge. I can't believe the year is almost over and Christmas looms! It would be lovely to be in the 250s (okay, 250 period) for Christmas and to start the New Year with less than 100 lbs to lose.

I want to get a new phone (Blackberry or iPhone) and learn to take and upload phone pics. I love when folks take pics of their healthful meals and upload them. I'd like to learn to do that (tech-idiot that I am). Check out Diana's "no name" tortilla lasagna-ish one. The Incredible Shrinking Katschi does this photomeal thing wonderfully!

I also really need to find a workable aerobics regimen. I'm doing the stretching and the toning (and my very sore abdominals--all of them, lower, upper, obliques-- and achey muscles under my armpits and in my upper back are proof that I worked hard yesterday at Pilates), but the good-for-the-heart work has been non-existent. I have no excuse other than two crappy knees for not doing it. I can find something low-impact and put up with the boredom. Yes, I could.

Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.

Just trying to get positive there.

I'm not feeling the motivation mojo, but I'm gonna be talking to myself a lot today as I make my meals and do some household chores.

So, 272 lbs. Goal for September 30: 268. I need to get out of the '70s. :)

I'd like to thank Chubby Chick for a nifty new award. I don't know how deserving I am (given how "in absentia" I've been of late). She named good encouragers, some of whom are encouragers right here, to me; so I won't be redundant. And really, those of you who post here and give me a boost up, you're my encouragers, and I thank you all. I will pick a few names to carry on the bloggy awardiness vibe (ie, to pass it on to their encourages)--

Zanitta
Lyn
Shanna
Chrissie


As we enter a new season next week, may the excess fat "fall" off our bodies and may the holidays be bright, shiny carrots in front of our faces, urging us eagerly on to better ways of eating and moving and thinking and living.

Onward and Downward!

Elephant....er, not yet.

Pilates is moving along. I noticed I can do more legwork on the Reformer, so I'm clearly getting stronger. My trainer mentioned that I brought my legs to up to my chest on my own (no hands assist). I didn't even notice. She did. She said the fact that I did it without thinking is a good sign of increasing abdominal strength.

Good. I'll take it.

I did have a couple of moments when the reflux hit and I was close to puking. Urg.

I still can't do the Elephant right. We tried it for the first time Wednesday. We tried it again today, but I kept getting light-headed and we'd have to quit. It's one of those little mountains I intend to climb. :) I will defeat this beast.

I hate doing roll backs. But I hate doing roll backs with a side twist even more. The fact that my fat is highly concentrated in my abdomen means that in such a position, it's VERY VERY VERY hard for me to take a breath. Sometimes, air just won't go in. So, I have to focus a lot on keeping my chest wide, open, collarbones apart, shoulders down. Still, it's hard to breathe that way. I'm thinking as my abdominal fat goes bye-bye (slowly, but it will), I'll be able to do that better.

I suspect that the immense weight I carry in my belly is also the impediment (besides the wooziness) to doing the elephant. In that bent over position, with an arched torso, all that belly weight is hanging down, critical gravity issue! That's a lot of weight to try to counteract with an arch and abdominal muscles. Plus I have size D boobies, and they'd be smothering me (literally, my nose was in my cleavage) during this pose. Oxygen was at a premium.

Still, I always look forward to seeing some progress, and when I do, my motivation to continue with Pilates increases.

On the, "I'm learning not to give a shit about other people's perceptions about my girth" front, I got 1/2 hour early to my appt, and there was a barre class going on (yeah, I'm the fat one...as usual), and I went, ah, so what, and just did my workout and to heck how dumb and ungainly I looked. :)

Pilates and the Princess' Knees & Prayer for Fellow Bloggers

I mentioned how hard it was to get through ANYTHING Monday--Pilates included. I was just deflated. Energy was on the ground level. No oomph.

Today, with the storms of Mon and Tues having moved on--sunnier, less humidity, no storming--my asthma was better. Breathing better = energy a bit better. I also slept slightly better. Energy that much better.

I was, however, in pain.

Monday, we did some barre work, including plies. Though we were careful to keep my knee from extending past the point of danger (kept it perpendicular, the knee over the big toe-ish), my right knee (the one that NEVER gives me trouble) hurt. We adjusted a bit, and it hurt less, but I didn't say anything and worked through it.

Bad idea.

Yesterday and today, my right (normally nice) knee has had stabbing pains whenever I sit down, get up, or climb stairs. Any weight-bearing bending motions. My left knee (the troublesome one since '89) is making loud clicks.

So, instead of opting out of the workout, I was very careful to describe what I was feeling to Liza, my trainer. She made appropriate adjustments to my posture to keep the knees relaxed. We stayed off the weight bearing stuff. Mostly used the reformer, stretched on the barrel. The only weight-bearing exercise I did was stretching-related. I'm hoping with some careful movement on my part, my knee will ease up and it will be my nice knee once more.

Fingers, not knees, crossed.

On the very positive side: I got a good workout. I couldn't get through things on Monday, so I worked proactively to set myself up for a better workout today. I prayed to get rest. (And did.) I made up a pre-workout snack based on something I read online to aid performance, including carbs, green tea, barley powder, whey protein, and coconut water for potassium. (It did help.) Today, I felt myself working harder, the muscles trembling with effort, but not collaspsing; my mind focused on controlling. Did I have a hard time with some things? Sure. But I didn't feel like a failure--like Monday. I felt good. I didn't feel like crying--the way I did Monday.

So far, my eating has been good, too. Not great. Great would imply much more perfection of choices and constriction of points. But good. Plenty of protein, high fiber (had beans at lunch), got my calcium foods in, and I have a lovely watermelon and half-papaya ready for dessert tonight. I went, stinky and sweaty after Pilates, to get these specifically. I was craving watermelon, and I did't have any at home. Tomorrow I get my organic foods delivery (mostly produce and dairy, plus chicken breasts) which will see me nicely set up for the rest of this week with greens and berries and calcium-rich foods.

I'm holding on tonight. My worst time of day is evenings. Making it through the evening means I make it through the day. :)

Positive thoughts.

And if you can spare a prayer for my creaky/achy knees and my spirit, I happily--and gratefully-- accept. While you're praying, add some intercession for our dear Scale Junkie, Diana, and Lyn of Escape from Obesity and Kate of Fabulous @ 50 . Life is tossing them curves--from the "void" inside, to marital grief, to health issues, to financial woes.

God bless you all, give you peace through trials, bring you through them stronger and better and braver and smarter and with healing and much more joy at the end of it all than you could possibly imagine!

~~

~~

Aussie-Accented Pilates

Because of my wonky immune system, I had asked my trainer, Liza, to let me know if she had something or suspected she was coming down with something, so we could either get me rescheduled or get me with another (non-germy) trainer.

Well, Monday she called. Stuffy nose. Possible "something." Suggested training with another trainer, Elise, at X, Y, or Z times. My choice.

I had a moment of distress hearing the message on my voice mail, because, well, my body is..er..complicated. I worried a different trainer wouldn't have Liza's accumulated knowledge--after four weeks of 3x a week session--of my quirks and difficulties.

But, for the first time in my life, I did NOT want to miss an exercise session. (This is so weird for me to type, the exercise hater. Hah.) I wanted my Pilates!

So, I took a 4:30 with "Elise."

Turned out I had nothing to fear. Elise was WONDERFUL. A beautiful Australian redhead with an adorable accent and a very "nurturing" sort of voice. A dancer by training, and a certified Pilates instructor, she was terrific. (I''m really impressed by the professionalism and "reformer-side" manner of these ladies.) She's so gorgeous, I'd normally be intimidated somewhat, but she's soooo niiiiice! (Y'all would love this place. People there have heart.)If you saw MOULIN ROUGE, you might have caught a glimpse of her, as she was one of the dancers in the film. (The flattest abdomen I may have ever seen, too. You could serve tea on it and not spill anything.)

She made me feel "understood" talking about her large-sized mama, how difficult it can be for us obese folks to get inside a gym. It takes some courage.

Anyway, she got me through my complete first "the hundred." I struggled. (I don't think she knew Liza had me doing halfsies with a rest break.) My breathing wasn't bad yesterday, so I got through it. By the wheeze of my lungy-lung-lungs.

Also did some new "prone" stuff on Reformer and Cadillac. All you with big boobs and big bellies know that anything face-down is, well, NOT easy. I sweated buckets.

Felt good.

Honestly, if you're ever in the Miami area, go take a private lesson at The Pilates Room. Ask with full confidence to take a class with Elise or Liza. They'll treat you right.

You'll feel good.

~~