New Blog Updated: Day 1 Son of Double Dare You: My minimum/optimum water intakes, what I should weigh on Dec 8 with each eating "goal weight maintenance", and investing in pantiliners....

Please update your links/follows to reflect the new blog:

Day 1 Son of Double Dare You: My minimum/optimum water intakes, what I should weigh on Dec 8 with each eating "goal weight maintenance", and investing in pantiliners....

New Blog Updated: Today I sent off my swabs for that genetic test for weight loss compatibility...and some links to others who've done the test!

read it at the new blog:

Today I sent off my swabs for that genetic test for weight loss compatibility...and some links to others who've done the test!

New Blog Updated: Day 8 Double Dog Dare You Challenge: Thoughts on previous week and Today's Calories/Meals/Water

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Day 8 Double Dog Dare You Challenge: Thoughts on previous week and Today's Calories/Meals/Water

New Blog Updated: Quote for the Dieter's Day: Think HEP, not DIET

Read the new entry at the new blog:

Quote for the Dieter's Day: Think HEP, not DIET

 

Have a slimming Saturday!

New Blog Updated: I wanted to Dive Into a Bar of Chocolate: I watched THIS Instead...

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Please update your links/follows to new blog: Two Years To Happy Weight After

Thanks. Have a healthy Monday!

Fat to Fit Thursday: Assorted Stuff and...Oh, I'm just gonna link you to my Fat Girl Does Pilates post with pics!

On the personal side: The scale has been slowly inching downward. :) Barring some insanity on my part  (sodium-related or caloric) during this holiday weekend, my weigh-in should be happy on Sunday (ie 2 to 3 lbs off).

On the health info front: I'm reading the new Dietary Guidelines For Americans for 2010 (see previous post for links). Earlier I did my Pilates (though it was a particularly hard session due to my rotator cuff acting up and my finding it a hard time to imprint. Happens rarely, but occasionally, usually cause whatever weirdness is going on in my middle-aged body, I just can't seem to properly engage my abs. We worked with what we had. hahaha).

On the fitness front:  If you haven't seen a morbidly obese gal in Pilates action, go here. It's a long post with lots of pics and some explanations (from me, not an expert, but trained by one). Let it help you get over your fear of the Pilates apparti and system. If I can do it, almost surely you can. It took a lot of guts for me to post pics of me in snug workout wear huffing, puffing, sweating, and showing off my huge belly, so be nice if you comment, eh?

Blog Hop!

Summer Slimmin' Challenge: My Meals in Pics and a New Low Weigh-In Milestone! Party like it's 2002!

I was VERY VERY happy with my visit to the scale today, my fourth day into the Summer Slimmin' Challenge. Very. I'll tell you why ....later.

I did fine with water and calories yesterday, but I didn't exercise (felt a bit unwell). Got my bloodwork done for my endocrinologist, so will be half-anxious/half-eager to see what THAT looks like. (I have hypothyroidism form Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Metabolic Syndrome.) Shopped for some meals at a local gourmet market. (Expect my vegetarian diet meals to be delivered tomorrow afternoon.) I posted on most of the challenge blogs. ( I will only post on blogs that update and will start to see which support me and only support those that support me. Hey, it's gotta be reciprocal.)

So, what did I eat that I haven't posted pics of? This:

LUNCH After Pilates on Monday: I was feeling mighty hungry, so I headed to a local Mexican eatery (with really good, authentic tasting food that has a nice fresh taste and is one of my faves). Instead of my usual bingeyness, I chose shredded chicken breast tostadas. You get two. I ate one of the tostadas and all of the beans, white meat chicken shreds, lettuce, cheese, and drizzled sour cream (they make it and it's very liquidy). I had 1/2 cup salsa (there's 1/4 cup in the pic, but I had more. I cup romaine lettuce, plain. A Starbucks sugar-free vanilla latte, grande size. Cantaloupe water. Arizona Blueberry no-carb green tea . Man, was that good. And about half of what I usually have at that restaurant. Total: 741 calories.

Dinner on Monday was a frozen meal: HEALTHY CHOICE chicken parmigiana with broccoli and apple crisp (basically an apple cinnamon compote with some oatsy granola-ey stuff sprinkled on top). It was surprisingly tasty. I added some parmesan to the chicken and broccoli. I had a cup of cherries (organic, numsy) and a cup of Blueberry No Carb green tea over ice. Had cantaloupe kiwi water. Total: 613 calories.  Monday's Caloric total: 1809.

Because I had bloodwork at 1:15 pm, I couldn't eat breakfast. So, I had brunch at around 3pm. Curried Chicken Salad (fruity and so good) on a bed of 4 cups of mixed lettuces. One cup lentil soup with 1/2 tsp EVOO. Blueberry No Carb green tea. Pineapple water. Calories: 616

I was really tired in the PM after not sleeping a lot for two days. So, before dinner (after a nice nap) I had a cup of hot tea splashed with organic half n half. (Even though we are having a hot spell with some record breaking heat, I craved a hot cuppa). It felt so luxurious and comforting. I had a cup of lentil soup with 1/2 tsp EVOO and some raspberry pineapple water. Calories: 187

About an hour later, when I felt less groggy-icky,  I had my meal. was gonna make some eggs, since I missed breakfast, but my hubby hadn't eaten his Starbucks sandwich. I took the " guts" and nuked them to get them hot and the cheese melty. (It's black forest ham with a bit of frittata with cheddar on top.) Nice. And gave me protein, as the rest of my meal was vegetarian. And fabulous. On the green rectangular plate: spinach and portabello mushroom orzo and ratatouille. SO GOOD.  Raspberry pineapple water and more tea to drink.

I didn't take a pic, but I had a half-cup of Tasti D-Lites chocolate frozen dairy treat as dessert. It's sugar-free, lowish-carb and low-calorie. And felt like such a splurge. Yum.

Dinner calories:  950   Tuesday Total Calories: 1753.

I still didn't sleep as much as I needed, but got more than  yesterday, so hurray. I got on the scale to see if the salty "guts" I had with dinner made me bloat. The scale was down: 264.2

That is my lowest weigh-in since starting this blog in May of 2007, which you can confirm by scrolling way down my sidebar to see the stats I've kept for three years. That's  lower than what I weighed in January of 2003, when I got weighed and measured for fat, etc, at a local gym. I'm happy. :)

My First Four Summer Slimmin' Challenge Meals: And I went for Convenience BIG TIME!

Yeah, I am not in the running to be America's Next Top Chef. In fact, I blissfully swanned through my formative years without learning to cook. In fact, I shamefully confess that I skated right up to age 22 without learning culinary skills, and I only bothered when I met hubby and started experimenting with some light meals for him after our engagement.  I still recall trying to make a custard with my best pal (who also wasn't much of a cook) and calling my elder sister to ask her what the heck a "water bath" was, and I still am not sure what a braising is.)

This is especially ironic since I love watching cooking shows--Giada, Mario, Gordon, The Contessa, Iron Chef, etc--where I have learned SOME stuff...

Yeah, sure, over the years I'd make some boxed stuff--remember those weird pizzas from Chef Boy-R-Dee you prepped at home back in the 70's?--and would do breakfast for my nieces and nephews (eggs and pancakes are easy, right). And I could prep sandwiches and heat up cans of soup.

But all those wonderful down-home Cuban recipes my mom made, I feel a lot of regret at not asking her to teach me. I really do. And I feel a little bummed that my ill health in childhood meant my mom would scoot me out of the kitchen with "don't get your hands wet"--another reason she never let me do laundry, a skill I learned from hubby after we got back from the honeymoon--as she believed it would make my asthma worse. (Old wives' tales.)

Pretty much, I still avoid cooking anything fancy or elaborate. I remember too vividly getting up from our dinner table when we were newlyweds and throwing out the food that came out inedible. I make great veggie lasagna. I'll make simple sauteed chicken or pork. I tend ot eat veggies with minimal heating (steaming, sauteeing, nuking). I have a tiny, inefficient kitchen with nearly zip counter space, which is only a hindrance since I'm just not a nifty, efficient cook. I manage the simplest of meals, that's all.

I've talked to hubby about maybe taking some cooking lessons--I'd have to take vegetarian, cause all the ones I checked on locally that are regular cooking classes, feature a lot of seafood--which I am terribly allergic to and hubby detests--and a lot of meat cuts I refuse to touch . (I have this raw meat icky-phobia.)  So, I've done minimal research into finding a vegetarian cooking class for beginners, but the only ones I saw so far that looked promising were for raw cooking and I don't wanna go that route. My husband just wouldn't eat it. It would be a waste of time and produce.

Anyway, I've kept my meals so far very simple and convenience-based, meaning I am going to take a look at my stock of canned food accumulated over the last couple of hurricane seasons that have gone ignored. (I have to do a look-see every couple years for what canned goods have expired, and it's now early hurricane season and I have to do that.)

So, don't expect any Mario Batalli or Gordon Ramsay or Bobby Flay or Nigella Lawson beauties in my meal plans. Expect "ready in fifteen minutes" type of meals, until I can get those lessons. :D

Here we go:

Breakfast yesterday was437 cals (including supplements)--1 orange, 2 cups coffee with sucralose, 2 slices ww toast, 2 eggs scrambled, 1 slice 2% American cheese, Strawberry-water (I chop fruit into water to give it the fruit essence flavor.)

Lunch:  2 cups organic arugula with 1/8 cup of shaved parmesan, a can's worth of Amy's Chunky Tomato Bisque soup with 1/4 cup skim milk and 1 serving of FiberGourmet Rotini added; 1 cup Rainier cherries, strawberry essence water. Not shown: 1/2 scoop Any Whey unflavored mixed with 1 scoop BSN Dessert Lean cinnamon roll flavor protein (as this meal was not high enough in protein). Total count for this (including protein and supplements)--741 calories.

Supper: Healthy Choice Classic Meatloaf frozen dinner (my SparkPeople stats had me low on iron and folate, so I decided to have something with beef and have romaine), 1/2 cup spinach, 2 cups romaine with garden veggies (peppers, cukes, tomato) with 2 tbsp Annie's organic Sesame Goddess dressing, 1/2 cup raspberries, 1 cup watermelon (dang, it was so sweet), and cantaloupe-essence water. This supper was 622 cals.

Breakfast today: 3 egg white scrambled with chopped tricolor peppers and onions, tomato with EVOO (1 tsp), 1/2 cup mango, 1/2 cup papaya, 2 slices ww toast with 2 slices 2% American cheese, kiwi-cantaloupe essence water. I used Herbamare to salt my eggs (adds a bit of celery/herb flavor, which is nice).  This breakfast was 455 cals, including the 9 calories for my supplements.

So, how was your first day and second morning in Summer Slimmin'? Are  you cooking beautiful, produce-filled meals? (You must be better in the kitchen than I am!)

Happy day to you!

Dieter Tolerance: Letting People Do It Their Way Without Neener-Boos

Let me say up front that, like most human creatures, I have a critical streak and a judgmental birthmark. We all have it--fess up, you know it!

But one thing I wish we could have more of in this fatfighting microcosm online is tolerance for the way each person feels they need to journey toward a better weight and better health.

Not every body, every mind, every emotional situation is the same. Some people will never understand those of us who do emotional binge eating. I will never understand people who can tolerate liquid protein fasts or, egads, puke up meals. (I have a serious pukephobia. I'd lay in bed trying hard to not puke even as a kid with stomach flu. I hate the sensation of food and bile coming right back up my throat. How do bulimics do that???)

But I can UNDERSTAND that we got fat--and STAY fat-- for more reasons than just "ate too much". Ate too much is fundamental--more calories than our bodies can handle and we gain weight. That's the basic layer, the thick heavy poured-out root of the structure.

But physiologically, some people handle sweets and carbs better and others are absolutely sent off on highs and lows and binges by them. Some livers handle things better than other livers. Some of us have non-functional (or minimally-functional) thyroid glands, and others have normal or hyper ones. Some of us got put on appetite-increasing (but essential) medications, and maybe others got on needed (or elective) medications that revved up metabolism or reduced appetite. Some folks are tall and some short, some male, some female, some mushy and some muscular, so some can eat more than others even with activity rates factored in. Some of us have moral issues for or against eating meat --or how animal products are raised and  butchered--and some of us have environmental concerns about pesticides or responsible farming and others don't. Some have tight budgets and some lavish ones. Some of us suffer from depressions that, rather than curtailing appetites (gee, why couldn't I have THAT version), have depressions that send us self-medicating with food to raise mood. Some of us had parents who took effort to make healthful, low-caloric meals. Some of us had moms and grandmoms who were food pushers. Some of us were abused and castoff, some of us were nurtured and valued. Some of us thrive on exercise, love it like some love a glazed donut; others hate to sweat and would rather have dental surgery than go to the gym. Some of us have terrible joint pain upon movement, so moderate to vigorous exercise can prove excruciating. Some of us have high-stress cranking out the cortisol, others have more leisurely lives. Some of us have to cook for various people in a household with various tastes, some only need to cater to a couple, or just to ourselves.

I was reading Lyn's excellent blog, and she's apparently getting grief about Medifast as a diet choice and its sustainability lifelong.

Well, I'll say this: I am leery of packaged foods diets a la Nutrisystem, MediFast, Jenny Craig, ONLY cause I really do think that natural food is generally better for us and fresh organic even moreso, and because I am concerned about hefty caloric restriction causing metabolic issues (which I suspect is at the heart of some gastric bypass folks regaining weight on much lower caloric levels than normal).

But ya know, we're different and we gotta try different things to learn how we handle stuff. And we gotta realize none of us is the expert about another person's life and body.

I would even try something like Medifast or Jenny Craig in order to LEARN about my body and self and nutrition, etc. I might not keep doing it or like it, but I think every diet can teach us something. Lyn has learned a lot on MediFast, and while the pics of MediFast food grosses me out, she's losing weight and feeling great and she realizes she does better on low carb. Period.

For people to start harping about sustainability isn't going to help. And what we fatfighters want is HELP, not the critical gallery. If Lyn had been doing, say, old Kimkins, with 500 to 800 calories and minimal fat and not enough nutrients, I'd say, "Hey, girl, you're damaging your body with starvation levels of calories and not enough nutrition. You're gonna go bald and have metabolic slowdown!"

But as long as she is well-nourished (and she is) and she's feeling health and emotional improvements, who the hell am I to neener-bo her?

No, I am too busy neener-booing myself. :)

What I need from you , what I really want, if you're willing, is the good word that's gonna be the wind at my back to move me along, even if just a little, towards my goals.

If you don't have that good word: move along. I don't need a downer.

Please, when you visit assorted blogs, even if you have misgivings about the ultimate success of A, B, or C diet or weight loss technique (and let's all laugh through our tears together at how ineffective just about all of them have been for most Americans so far in terms of sustainable losses), as long as the person is not anorexic, bulimic, or doing something patently nuts, let's give them a cheery "I wish you well; I'm rooting for you." And if you have a good, solid, positive tip in your own successful journey, go for it.

If a plan or technique fails for someone, it will be evident soon enough. That's life. But it's really kinda a bummer, not to mention not at all helpful, to be told "Oh, you can't keep that up. You're gonna fail."

How does that help? Hmm?

Let people try stuff. Let people ride their wind. And if they fail, then help them get back up.

The world has enough neener-booboos.

Now, that's not to say we shouldn't HAVE DISCUSSIONS in general about this stuff--what we see might be dangerous, fallacious, ill-advised. I do believe in informed consent re lap bands and gastric bypass. But as long as people know the pros and cons (of diets, of training equipment, of particular supplements or foods, etc), if they wanna go ahead, then let's give them the cheerleader's rah-rah. We should want EACH OF US TO SUCCEED. We should wish for it. Pray for it.

And we should want the dieting odds to be beaten to a bloody pulp in every case.

So, like so many others are doing for the summer, I'm taking on a summer slimming challenge. Do challenges help ultimately? I dunno. Maybe to refocus us on good habits for weight loss and to get support. But I know it's better to keep fighting and trying than to just look at the bad odds (98% of dieters fail) and say, "Oh, well, might as well order a double-meat pizza."

Here's to everyone trying to get healthier and slimmer. I want you to win, and I want to win, too.

The rest of the day's intake

Okay, I woke up a bit ago (I'm sleeping vampire time again) and wanted to update on how I finished up my day after that HUGE and yumsy breakfast I documented in a previous post.

For my first snack, which ended up being lunch, when all is said and done: I had 3/4 of an Oskri coconut pineapple bar with some Chocoperfection sugar-free dark chocolate. (Like having a high-fiber, semi-organic, non-sugary Mounds bar, really), a cup of cherries (amazing, so crunchy and perfect), a wedge of watermelon (and a very good one, too, juicy and supersweet, heaven), and a tablespoon of Vitamineral Green mixed in water (before I read about the starting lower or have the runs effect).

For Supper: A cup of Dr. McDougall's vegan Black Bean soup (the one in the box) with a cup of boiled calabaza squash (mmmm, makes me think of my mom). I put EVOO on the soup, drizzling.  On the side, I had the "junk" item of the day, imo: tortilla chips. I had some Eat Smart salsa and Eat Smart Salsa con Queso with it. I also had some home brewed iced tea (Twining's Orange Pekoe).

Calories for Thursday:  2324
I was low on zinc, folate, calcium, magnesium, and potassium (though I got really close for a change, due to the fruits and coconut water and calabaza no doubt. I didn't take my usual supplements, so I gotta keep on track tomorrow with the zinc and calcium in particular.

With all that, I got on the scale and was down a pound and change from the day before. Hey, okay.

Today, I'm aiming for 2000 cals.  Root for me, k?

I'm rooting for you!

Finally, I can put a new lower weight on my update!

So, I think I mentioned I joined SparkPeople a little over a week ago. I felt very demotivated, and I thought that might be a place to help me get back in the right frame of mind to restart a diet and fitness plan.

I spent the first few days just getting used to the site--it's got a lot of tools and stuff. I was still feeling the flu, so didn't dive in. But now, I'm starting to find my groove.

The first two weeks (I'm not done with those) is a sort of "start slowly" phase there, and you really are asked only to track three things you start changing. But for a few days, I've been tracking all I eat and all my exercise. I had been eating pretty much whatever I wanted for a month while ill, so let's say about 4000 or so calories a day, or more. I had regained a few pounds. But I started SparPeople with the intent of beginning the cutback.

I've logged meticulously in my nutrition journal for a week. It really reminded me how easy it is to lose track of what goes in the mouth.

My first week of logging and consciously eating less, I have been doing about 2400 calories, some days a bit more, some less, but never under 2000 and the highest was close to 2800. I started to make little changes--skipping fruit juice and eating the fruit at breakfast, for example.

For the first time in, what, a year and a half, I'm drinking water purposefully. It's REALLY hard for me to drink water. Just don't like doing it. But since I have to track water, it reminds me to drink. I feel the benefit of it.

Cardio has been a sticky issue for me. I have had asthma my whole life, and bad enough to require many medications daily. I start coughing and spitting up goo when I breathe really hard during cardio. So, I tend to avoid it. This past week, after more than a year of not doing any sort of movement like that, I did cardio twice. Not for long--I'm still flu-impaired and I'm so cardio-out of shape--but twice. Once on my own with music for 10 mins, and once for 15 minutes with a Leslie Sansonen DVD (a one miler at a good pace).

And so, I can change the number at left to 271.6.

I had bobbled around between 275 and 273 last week, so I expected 273ish again today. Seeing a number that hadn't been on my scale since, I think, Novemberish of last year (see stats on sidebar, scroll way down).

My goal is to work myself down to 1800 to 1900 a day. I should lose at a moderate pace at that level. It's still hard for me to eat below 2700, which seems to be the low end of my "I can be pretty satisfied and have some treats" level of eating (not my "eat whatever I desire", though). But I know that to get under 200 lbs, I can't have what I want. To get unde 200 lbs, I have to do without and feel some pain.

Anyway, if your mojo is long gone, maybe SparkPeople can give you a little kick in the pants. It's free and it's useful, but it does take time and has a bit of a learning curve (not much). I'm "PrincessDieter" over there. If you're already there, friend me. :)

This week, my goal is to stay closer to 2000 than I have, in order to eventually work down to 1800 cals a day. And my goal for next week is to be in the 260's. Gosh, I've waited for that one a while.

Let's not give up...ever.

Happy Tuesday, peops!

Onward and DOWNward...

If There Were an ALL SAINTS DAY in Weight Loss...

Today, November 1, the day after All Hallow's Eve, is well, All Hallows Day--All Saints Day. Christians commemorate those who have been blessed with the beatific vision, ie, they are in heaven in utter and total bliss with God.

I know some who are there, now, among the holy. :)

But in thinking about the significance of today, I had this weird tangent of a thought: What if there were an All Saints of Weight Loss Day? These are not people in heaven, but here on earth who, rather than having attained purity and holiness with the Creator, have achieved harmony and health and a normal weight through strong efforts and self denial--and perhaps a solid dose of heavenly grace, too. I never discount that.

After all, the path of spiritual holiness is one of self-abnegation, learning new habits of godliness, giving up the old sins for new virtues, learning to think and see and feel in ways contrary to what our physical/worldly nature may lead us to think and see and feel, changing oneself into a better state. It involves often having a mentor or many mentors who are walking the same path. It involves daily effort and concentration. It involves self-awareness for the purpose of a new becoming. It involves, often, rituals that are tried and true. It involves affirmations (holy texts, prayers, chants, songs, poetry). It involves commitment and vows. It means having a very clear goal(s) and wanting it wholeheartedly. It involves the mind and soul, not just the body. It may mean losing old friends who are hindrances and acquiring new, supportive friends in a like-minded community. I could go on...

I think you see the correlations.

It's not easy attaining a goal, whether spiritual or mundane. And even something like successful weight loss--as far as I've observed from those who have done it, lost a lot of weight and KEPT IT OFF long-term/forever--requires the sort of steps that gaining holiness does.

It's time-consuming, requires dedication and persistence, requires a change of life that is significant, may result in many failures before there is success, and it is life-long. You don't stop and get results.

Those of us who admire saints, who take saints names for our middle names in rituals of the faith, who understand that they were mere mortals just like us, but somehow by the grace of God and their own will and desire, accomplished notable things--we understand that they are examples and motivators. If we're selfish or materialistic, we can learn from St. Francis or St. Claire how to free ourselves from the bonds of wanting things in order to want something better. If we think a sickly woman can't make a difference, we can look at St. Teresa of Avila and see how that is a lie. If we feel cowardly, we can learn from St. Peter that cowardice can turn into great boldness through faith.

For those of us feeling bound by fat, trapped in gluttony or sloth (ie, we eat too much and we aren't active enough), we can look to "Diet Saints", those who have gone before and been successful and share their experiences and diet "rituals" with us. I think we've noticed that while all journeys differ, since all journeys are not equally full of obstacles and setbacks, those who succeed share at least some similar traits. They had to stop a and do b, learn x and unlearn y and adapt to z. In successful weight loss, unless we're really, really not observant, we can see the obvious similarities among the "saints".

But the differences in journeys are helpful, because we may find kinship in A's journey moreso than B, as they are more similar to us in situation, health, obesity, financial status, etc. I cannot identify with a 20-something with 20 lbs to lose. But I can identify with a 40-something with 100+ pounds to lose who has chronic health issues. We each look for our own "saints" to guide us.

Doesn't look like there is an official patron saint of dieting/dieters, but man, given the obesity epidemic, someone in charge should get on it. I do like the suggestions that are implied by this charm bracelet. (Although I always thought St. Catherine of Siena was more like an eating disorder saint, frankly.)

If there were an All Saints of Weight Loss Day, we'd be celebrating the ones who got slim and fit and kept up the good fight til the end.

Do you have someone who is your Diet Saint? Someone that you look to as a role model for virtuous eating and self-sacrificial exercising? More than one?

If not, look for one. We all need some kind of saints in our lives.

What's On My Plate and Focusing on A Positive

I had a big breakfast. At, like, mid-afternoon, mind you. I was thinking what I really wanted, and thought, "I really want bacon." Now, I haven't had bacon in a while, but there was some in the fridge that I bought Sunday, cause I was craving bacon then. Only that craving passed, so there it sat.

To go with the three rashers of bacon, pork, not turkey--I used to make turkey, but that Oprah show where it was decided pork was better as it had less sodium and about the same calories--I made a small egg-white frittata with onions, tomatoes, and yellow peppers with a sprinkle of 2% cheddar. It came out nice and light and very veggie. I liked it. I wish I'd added zucchini, which I have some, but I got lazy.

The papaya is nice, btw, and I will finish it after this post with my second cup of coffee made in my spanking new Technivorm, which makes gorgeous coffee. I can actually taste the nuances that you read about in reviews of gourmet coffee, but my old Mr. Coffee and Melitta makers never achieved. Gosh, good. I decided to have the whole wheat Englsh muffin to increase my fiber for satiety. I want this meal to hold me through to dinner with hubby, unless he comes home late, in which case, I'm whipping open one of those light soups (a Campbell's select harvest light).

Three glasses of water, too. I have NOT at all been drinking enough. Maybe one cup a day. I know, bad.

It's not the most healthful breakfast, and all told I had 12 points--about 600 calories. This will require a light "lunch" so that I don't go over 900, 1000 max, between both meals. This will let me have a good number of remaining points/calories for supper and still keep me under 1800.

It's good to be conscious again of what's going in the feeder hole. I've just been totally lax in noticing, noting, jotting, calculating, etc. Which is why the weigh-in was scary. (Well, the sodiumfest which was Wednesday--feta cheese loaded Greed salad with lunch yesterday and the Chinese food at dinner--didn't help, either.)

So, I was sitting and munching down on brekkie, and my hand was on my thigh, and I thought, hmmm. Firm. This time last year, I could not have said that. But after months of Pilates, my thighs have density, not just wobbly fattiness. There's muscle there. And the little muscle I celebrated last year on my bicep is now quite comfortably larger and harder. I gotta say, it's really nice to feel solidity here and there when I touch parts of me. I used to kid that all my muscle tissue had disappeared from years of couch potatohood and bingeing, but I was only half-joking. I had become this soft huge blob. Now, I'm a huge blob with more definition and much more muscle.

Things like sitting up in bed or turning to switch off the alarm FEEL different, cause it's easier to roll up. I got me some abdominals under all that adiposity! Even my forearms are denser. My calves.

I figure I should remind myself that I've worked hard in ONE area, at least, and it has benefits.

I need to visualize daily what benefits can come from doing the hard work in other areas.

I've lost ground. Lots of ground. Ten pounds worth of ground. But the war ain't over.

Be of good cheer today, and never give up.

A Depressing Update...And Clearly, I Haven't Accepted The Hunger Factor

I updated my weigh-in at left, sidebar, and it's not good news.

The lethargy continues. I did see my new endocrinologist on Tuesday, and I need to get to the lab for the blood test. I'm still feeling muffled, damped down, apathetic, though I'm self-talking like mad, trying to get my spirit revved up. And on top of all that, I gotta get my uterus biopsied after getting ultrasound results. Lovely. It's been the year of the medical appointments. Four so far with three docs.

But seeing the increase on the scale is always that little shock to the system, and it doesn't help the mood. I want to feel angry enough to get the mojo back, but all I feel is defeated. I won't wallow too long, but it's the emotion of the moment.

As if I didn't already know, I read an article today, which says what a lot of us already know by trial and error--it's the calories. The rest plays an assisting role--exercise, group support, journals, green tea, supplements--but it's all about the calories. Whether it's via self-control and strategy and planning, or via gastric bypass or via gastric banding or via stomach stapling or via diet pills: The reason people lose the weight is cause they EAT FEWER CALORIES.

The benefit of surgical/medical intervention is that it offers an escape from hunger. Doing it the old-fashioned, low-tech way means you really do have to learn to live with some or a lot of hunger, which, frankly, sucks monkey butt.

Here's an excerpt from "It's Not What You Eat, It's How Much," but you might wanna read the whole thing over at ABC News:

In terms of dieting, community support can be critical but choosing a plan is up to an individual, and the hardest part of losing weight may be accepting the hunger factor.

Past studies have shown that calorie restriction is the biggest determining factor for successful weight loss, even greater than exercise.

"There are those with unrelenting optimism, who think [dieting] is going to get easier," said Marlene Schwartz, deputy director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University. "But if you are eating fewer calories than you are burning, you are going to be hungry."

But the study's findings encourage experimentation, Sacks said, and the flexibility to find the best balance of calorie restriction and satisfaction for individuals.

"The hardest thing, having been born and raised in America, [was that] I thought I was entitled to eat as much as I wanted whenever I wanted and I would stay the same weight," Termini said. "But you can't do that. And it's not healthy."

So, off to see how well I manage the hunger and food choices today. I'm telling myself to be good, to nurture the optimism, to find my inner warrior.

My inner warrior now needs to get my outer wimp over to the kitchen, where a whole papaya sits on the counter, waiting to be prepped for breakfast--yeah, breakfast. I woke up today at 12:30 and I've moped around feeling like I didn't sleep at all. Lack of energy sucks monkey butt, too.

I want to have eggs and toast and papaya and coffee. I have a mango I can have with lunch, which will probably be a light soup (I took the cans out of the pantry last night and put them on the counter, so I wouldn't ignore them.) A tiny bit of conscious effort to remedy the sad upward course of my weight since late last year.

I could do so much better, I know, if I didn't feel this pressing lethargy. I feel like I'm walking through concrete, like my face is this flat, expressionless mask. I wish I could give up feeling sucky for Lent.

Now, off to get this day going. With some hope, some prayer, and a papaya. :)

Have a great Thursday.

Pondering a Derailment, Praying for Progress

I have not been on plan. I have no diet mojo. I have head mojo--as in "I know"--and I have desire mojo--as in "I want"--but the will is not cooperating. The will is rebellious. And I'm a spoiled brat.

I say this because I'm just not putting effort into this weight loss thing, and I have not been consistent or focused or goal-oriented. I've been floating and feeling defeated.

So, it's time to ponder this derailment of my goals/objectives, eating plan. Only my exercise has been consistent and that's suffering from my lethargy of will and body. This week, due to the holiday and my birthday on Friday, I only have one scheduled session instead of two. But I'm back to three next week, so that's a temporary blip.

I remain on the verge of depression. I can feel that weird apathy crawling upon me that makes me want to sleep a lot, eat a lot, and not do much else--not errands, not chores, not even happy stuff. Hubby was off this weekend, and he offered to take me here, there, everywhere, and I never even got dressed once until Monday. I even said no to a Valentine's Day outing--though he was willing to do or go wherever I wanted, no matter the cost. And my sister is still waiting to hear what I want to do for my birthday, and I keep saying, "I don't know," cause nothing sounds inviting--not a picnic, not a barbecue, not a party, not a beachfest, nothing. I feel like a pile of gray putty, like the immoveable object.

This is not an "I give up" post, btw. This is an "I know I'm in doodoo, in the pit, and I'm talking this out publicly and trying to figure out why I am my own saboteur, why this stupid cloud of the blues wants to rain on my parade, why I can't pick myself up and move forward."

But of course, I could. That's the thing. I feel defeated, but I'm only defeated if I remain where I am, just coasting and letting illness, lethargy, and depression BE MY LIFE.

It can't be my life. Why am I not fighting? I want to be a warrior against all these odds!

Anyway, hubby is going out of town tomorrow. I get to have the whole day to assemble what forces I have remaining and take a stand against all internal and external foes.

I want to be like those women in Ladies Home Journal and other magazines that you see as the AFTER story, who went after their dreams with focus (whether it was a career goal, a weight goal, a family goal, etc) and are photographed smiling and triumphant. I'd like to get to THIS GOAL, among others, but yes, THIS GOAL. The reason I started this blog.

I know I'm not alone in this sort of rut, frustration, backsliding, failure, call it what you will. But it's a painful thing to feel as if I'm the one sliding away from myself. I'm the one who is my own enemy, and I'm allowing it.

I'm allowing it.

All the reasons/excuses I can mount up don't measure up. I'm allowing it.

People with bigger obstacles than mine have made progress. It's not impossible.

But I'm allowing the obstacles to get to me.

Okay, big whine over. I will go to bed. I will get up to say bye to my traveling sweetie. I will work to make Tuesday better than Monday, and I will look into that place where wants and will meet and talk to that stubborn, defeated, depression-plagued part of me is aching to make progress.

Tomorrow--er, today--is gonna be a prayer day.

I'll also keep in mind Kate, who is at this moment away from home to have her WLS. At this moment, feeling leaden and slow and out of fuel, even gastric bypass doesn't seem as offputting and drastic as it usually does to me; perhaps that's because of this weight of frustration, perhaps that's because it seems easier than the daily struggle with appetite. But I know when I'm rested and myself again, I'll fear that surgery again and nix it as an option, even though I've seen many good results, even though I understand why it's a necessary option, even though I keep it in the back of my own mind as an option. The last one. I hope Kate's results are great. She deserves it.

And I hope those of us doing it without WLS or other surgical interventions, those of us going it solo, so to speak, do a bit better today, just a bit better, week by week.

God help us all who travel on our various journeys.

Oh, and I welcome prayers. Yes, indeed, I do.

Cause I'm not giving up...

What Successful Maintainers Do..and a Shout-Out To Rosy of Canada

I want to thank Rosy of Canada, author of BREAKIN' FREE for commenting on my previous post. I'm glad you got a chance to clarify things and offer your point of view. I think that your desire to inspire is a beautiful thing. Keep doing it!

And since the subject was about maintaining (or rather, how hard it is to maintain fat loss and how few do), here are some things that successful maintainers of weight loss have in common:

Based on data from more than 7,000 people, Wing says there are few similarities in how people lose weight. But those who succeed in maintenance sing the same song.

Instead of trying to eat less for the rest of their lives to bridge the energy gap, these people exercise more. They typically spend an hour or more each day in aerobic exercise and strictly limit time spent watching television.

Physical activity, in ways that researchers don’t really understand, influences some of the biological systems that promote weight regain, encouraging the body to become more sensitive to leptin and insulin, for example.

“Everyone thinks exercise is about burning calories,” Fujioka says. “But you are actually returning the system to more like what it should be. Things start working again.”

The successful maintainers also change what they eat: The registry found that they keep their calories in careful balance with what they expend – religiously referring to calorie charts and writing down everything they consume. They also tend to eat low-fat foods.

--from "Why It's Hard To Maintain Weight Loss"

One thing that Rosy has in her favor is that she has focused a lot on exercising--on working out, getting fit, not just getting thin. And her ongoing success will depend on that focus on exercise, as it has for those The Biggest Loser winners/contestants who kept it off. They kept exercising along with watching calories.

The whole metabolic/obesity physiology is complex, as the constant stream of studies show. Once you become obese, you set yourself up for a lifetime of struggle, and that's just how it is. But exercise does seem to be key, and I can admit freely that when I got sick and was stuck in bed most of the time and was totally sedentary for years and years, I piled it on bigtime.

Now, I'm moderately active (nowhere near daily). And I have not lost, because I'm still not moderating the intake as much as I need to. I know for me to win this battle, I have to move MORE and build more muscle, and I need to eat less and better. The equation stands. Calories used have to be more than calories eaten. Way more.

As much as I'm proud of doing my 1 hour of strenuous strength-training and flexibility work 3x a week with my trainer, I'm not proud that on the other days, I'm still my mostly sedentary self. And although I've moderated my intake enough not to have regained all plus more (the general pattern of dieters), I am still undisciplined. I ignore the things I know I should do in favor of what is easy.

I'll let the doctors and researchers figure out ways to help us work around the hormones and systems in the body that favor fat, that wants to keep us roly-poly. I can only work on my own systems and processes that keep me fat, and that's enough work for a half dozen folks.

But yeah, I think exercise cannot be emphasized enough, because of its manifold benefits and the fact that it's another discipline, another "do it for your own good," a better habit. Just like eating less. We may not want to do it, but you can't really leave it out and succeed at being healthier and leaner.

So, Rosy, thanks for showing off your muscles to inspire. Those are some mighty arms you've got!
~

What Do TBL and Diet Tribe Have In Common Besides Diet and Exercise?

While watching Diet Tribe tonight, it struck me again that Morgan had gastric bypass, though she never got below 255 lbs, and she regained weight. And that reminded me of Ron from The Biggest Loser, who had bariatric surgery...and I guess regained, too? Not sure, as I missed a whole buncha episodes.

I wonder if we're gonna start seeing a lot of WLS regainers on these diet shows now. Hmm.

~~

Changes that Become Habits that Add Up

I very much like Lyn's post today. She clearly shows by her own life's examples how she made changes that added up to weight loss. It's a post I needed to read because I have been so down on myself for losing focus and will.

I stopped to consider that I HAVE made changes and I DO feel better and I am wearing a smaller size and my sugar is in control and I'm exercising regularly and vigorously 3x a week for months and months (after years of total inactivity).

I have made some changes and those have kept me from regaining all the poundage I lost. I need to make more changes to lose MORE, yes. But if I made some changes, I can make others. I can gain groud.

Anyway, I recommend Lyn's practical and inspiring post, which includes this short list of tips:

Instead of seconds at dinner, you just take seconds of vegetables.
Instead of wasting ten minutes circling the parking lot for the closest space, you park far from the store and just WALK there.
Instead of asking your kids/husband/friend to bring the laundry upstairs for you, YOU do it.
Instead of putting whole milk on your cereal, you use skim.
Instead of watching TV all evening, you do some exercise and go to bed early.

~

5 Diets, 5 Dieters: Diet Face Off

If you're curious about some of the most popular diets around, five dieters are trying them out at LiveStron.com's DIET FACE OFF. Here are the diets/eating plans being used:

Weight Waters
South Beach Supercharged
Flat Belly diet
Mediterranean Diet
Jillian Michaels' Making the Cut

The dieters have posted their starting stats and have been blogging about their experience using these plans. If your eating plan is not working for you, here's your chance to see what results other plans provide for fellow fatfighters.
~

WW eTools Points Tracker is Kinda Fun!

My first day using my eTools Points Tracker. There's an activity tracker, but my activities today have pretty much been drinking water, doing nebulizer treatments of albuterol, making healthful meals, and watching tv/reading/peeing from all that water. And blogging. Lots of that.

It's sorta fun. Maybe in a week, it will seem like a drag. But for now...a toy!

I put in all my food, and I've had 19 points so far (which is like 950 cals). I had two moments today when I almost gave in to bad food--a wild 7 minutes of pizza craving, where I finally said NO enough times to mean it; and another wild moment when I almost called to have Chinese food delivered, and I don't mean steamed chicken and veggies, neigther. That "no" stuck, too.

So, I have a grilled balsamic chicken on an endive and watercress salad as the plan for dinner. I have 12 points left according to my tracker; though I will allow myself more, as 31 points can leave me hungry a lot of days, nuts hungry. 31 pts = about 1550 cals. I have no guilt issue with going up to 1800 or 1900. I just don't wanna go over 2000, really. If I can keep it to 1800 (36 pts), I'd be pleased as many fruit punches.

If you don't like doing WW in real life, try the online one. The tools are cool.

Anyway, my meals thus far:

Bkfst: I made my fave Easy Cheesy Eggie Veggies that I mentioned in a post earlier this week, but I put them in sprouted corn tortillas (organic) and added a bit of fire-roasted salsa on top. YUM! And only 7.5 points total, including a half cup of cranberry juice cocktail (those mini containers like in hospitals) that I had leftover from some Diet-To-Go meal from a few months back. Lots of water. Coffee. (I drink it not just for taste, but for the asthma benefits.) I saved part of the eggie veggies for a proteinish snack, but I never got hungry enough for one. Might just heat it up for tomorrow's brekky.

Lunch: A double-Gardenburger on Ezekiel bread sandwich with 2 slices of 2% cheddar. I had half of one of those glorious organic grapefruits I got Sunday at the farmer's market. Man, never had such yummy grapefruit. or at least, it feels that way in my mouth. :D Lots of water. Coffee. An ounce of tart cherry concentrate mixed with water (mmmm, nice and anti-inflammatory).

So far, not feeling ravenous. I am peckish now. It's clearly dinnertime. But I'm waiting on hubby.

Tomorrow, I see my doc (need more meds and an Rx for a mammo, for which I'm a tad overdue). And after my appointment, I plan to zip by the Fresh Market or, if I don't mind driving a bit farther (depending how the breathing goes and I feel) Whole Foods to replenish some of the veggies/fruits I ate up (zucchini, mushrooms, peppers, papaya, berries) and buy some chicken breasts and sliced cheese. Also need some egg whites.

Hope your Wednesday was healthful and happy. Toodles.
~~