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Monday, October 20, 2008

One Weight Loss Mental Block

Sometimes, you just have to face up to what's in the way.

One of the things that's a big obstacle for me and actually is trying to keep me this big is my horrid fear of the loose, drooping skin that comes with major weight loss.

I already have some just from losing about 25 lbs. The thought of the horror I will become if I lose 100+ terrifies me. TERRIFIES ME! I mean this in the most honest way. It gives me the rigor.

I am trying to talk myself into realizing, as Kate tells herself confronting this same issue, that it will be something temporary, something that can be handled later, helped later, surgically.

My neuroses kick in big time. What if I can't have surgery later--can't afford it, or have medical issues that weigh against the surgery, etc.

This is something I need to deal with emotionally and mentally. I have accepted that this is one of my self-sabotaging issues. I am afraid to lose and look like those pictures. It's bad enough being this fat, a state which has its own aesthetic awfulness; but the loose skin--now that scares the bejeezus outta me.

I accept that I have this fear and this block and this saboteur in my brain.

Now, I have to get over it.

Sigh

5 comments:

SeaShore said...

I was just reading Kate's post. I have the same fears. The last time I lost a lot of weight I got down to 189. Now, other times I lost weight, at 180 lbs the, um , handles, shall we say? on the sides of my abdomen would disappear. That time at 189 I realised it wasn't going to happen. I had finally done enough damage. That realization contributed to my subsequent regain. I didn't want to face it.

Now, of course, I wish I had kept going. That was 5 years ago. I've done more damage. Not just to my skin but also my heart and who knows what else.

Now I figure at the very least my heart will rejoice and I'll look better in clothes!

But I'm still nervous about it.

Lyn said...

I think this was part of my issue too. At 214 I started seeing things hanging that I never saw hang before. I did not like it!!! But ya know what? I like it even less now that those hanging parts are full of fat again. So off it comes, and whatever happens we will deal with it. It's like an adventure. Who knows? Maybe it WILL shrink up considerably.

Fab Kate said...

I have to say, as much as I fear this, I also know a woman at my pool who is 70 and lost 170 lbs (her doctor made her gain 20 back) and she looks FABULOUS. She has a little pouchiness around her belly but nothing that you'd notice, and she never wears a girdle or other confining articles of clothing. So it doesn't HAVE to happen. Back when I was younger (oh, some twenty five years ago) I lost 100 lbs and you could bounce quarters off my abs. I have no illusions about what CAN happen.

But the thing is I know from talking to people who do have loose skin, that they see it a lot worse than I do... that most of the people who complain and are concerned don't have it that bad... certainly not what I imagine or what I see on Big Medicine. And that could be me... I could be firm enough when it's all done NOT to need surgery.

I just don't know. The only thing I do know is if I let fear hold me back, I'll never get anywhere, so I just keep on going.

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moonduster said...

I worry about it too. I've only lost 41 pounds so far, and I can already see signs of it happening with my arms. bleh!