A Small Bit of Progress

Yesterday, I was 282.8.

Today, I'm 279.8. So, I was happy to change the sidebar weight back out of the 280's I'd been in all the week.

Man, I must have been holding some water, huh.

Skip Enviga, Does Squat

Read this if you're a dieter using Enviga.

Another Reason To Get Trim and Fit: Obesity Link To Cancer Stronger

Man, this is scary stuff. If risk of stroke and heart disease and diabetes were all not enough, add the increased risk of cancer to the worries of the obese--like moi.

Yeah, read it and weep:

A new report released yesterday by the World Cancer Research Fund and the American Institute for Cancer Research states that most cancers are preventable.

Poor diet, lack of exercise, obesity and smoking account for the vast majority of cancers; the role of genetic factors is by far overrated.

Indeed, the dramatic impact of obesity on cancer is now increasingly appreciated – one in three cancers may be caused by obesity (or as a result of lifestyle factors that promote obesity). It is therefore perhaps not surprising, that large prospective studies have shown an almost 60% reduction in deaths from cancer with bariatric surgery.

Full post on the study is at Dr. Sharma's blog.

I go in for an endometrial biopsy in three weeks. I think this finding will be weighing on my mind until I get those results.

And for a while after.

It may be what I needed to make a good choice for supper tonight, too.


Have a healthful weekend, folks!

Madagascar 2: Big And Chunky featuring Moto Moto and will.i.am

Someone loves us the way we are, plumpy and chunky.

This song rocks. I can't stop playing it. Hat tip to CC of Journeying to Lose 200 Pounds.

I'm gonna dance with my chunky self.

What's On My Plate and Focusing on A Positive

I had a big breakfast. At, like, mid-afternoon, mind you. I was thinking what I really wanted, and thought, "I really want bacon." Now, I haven't had bacon in a while, but there was some in the fridge that I bought Sunday, cause I was craving bacon then. Only that craving passed, so there it sat.

To go with the three rashers of bacon, pork, not turkey--I used to make turkey, but that Oprah show where it was decided pork was better as it had less sodium and about the same calories--I made a small egg-white frittata with onions, tomatoes, and yellow peppers with a sprinkle of 2% cheddar. It came out nice and light and very veggie. I liked it. I wish I'd added zucchini, which I have some, but I got lazy.

The papaya is nice, btw, and I will finish it after this post with my second cup of coffee made in my spanking new Technivorm, which makes gorgeous coffee. I can actually taste the nuances that you read about in reviews of gourmet coffee, but my old Mr. Coffee and Melitta makers never achieved. Gosh, good. I decided to have the whole wheat Englsh muffin to increase my fiber for satiety. I want this meal to hold me through to dinner with hubby, unless he comes home late, in which case, I'm whipping open one of those light soups (a Campbell's select harvest light).

Three glasses of water, too. I have NOT at all been drinking enough. Maybe one cup a day. I know, bad.

It's not the most healthful breakfast, and all told I had 12 points--about 600 calories. This will require a light "lunch" so that I don't go over 900, 1000 max, between both meals. This will let me have a good number of remaining points/calories for supper and still keep me under 1800.

It's good to be conscious again of what's going in the feeder hole. I've just been totally lax in noticing, noting, jotting, calculating, etc. Which is why the weigh-in was scary. (Well, the sodiumfest which was Wednesday--feta cheese loaded Greed salad with lunch yesterday and the Chinese food at dinner--didn't help, either.)

So, I was sitting and munching down on brekkie, and my hand was on my thigh, and I thought, hmmm. Firm. This time last year, I could not have said that. But after months of Pilates, my thighs have density, not just wobbly fattiness. There's muscle there. And the little muscle I celebrated last year on my bicep is now quite comfortably larger and harder. I gotta say, it's really nice to feel solidity here and there when I touch parts of me. I used to kid that all my muscle tissue had disappeared from years of couch potatohood and bingeing, but I was only half-joking. I had become this soft huge blob. Now, I'm a huge blob with more definition and much more muscle.

Things like sitting up in bed or turning to switch off the alarm FEEL different, cause it's easier to roll up. I got me some abdominals under all that adiposity! Even my forearms are denser. My calves.

I figure I should remind myself that I've worked hard in ONE area, at least, and it has benefits.

I need to visualize daily what benefits can come from doing the hard work in other areas.

I've lost ground. Lots of ground. Ten pounds worth of ground. But the war ain't over.

Be of good cheer today, and never give up.

A Depressing Update...And Clearly, I Haven't Accepted The Hunger Factor

I updated my weigh-in at left, sidebar, and it's not good news.

The lethargy continues. I did see my new endocrinologist on Tuesday, and I need to get to the lab for the blood test. I'm still feeling muffled, damped down, apathetic, though I'm self-talking like mad, trying to get my spirit revved up. And on top of all that, I gotta get my uterus biopsied after getting ultrasound results. Lovely. It's been the year of the medical appointments. Four so far with three docs.

But seeing the increase on the scale is always that little shock to the system, and it doesn't help the mood. I want to feel angry enough to get the mojo back, but all I feel is defeated. I won't wallow too long, but it's the emotion of the moment.

As if I didn't already know, I read an article today, which says what a lot of us already know by trial and error--it's the calories. The rest plays an assisting role--exercise, group support, journals, green tea, supplements--but it's all about the calories. Whether it's via self-control and strategy and planning, or via gastric bypass or via gastric banding or via stomach stapling or via diet pills: The reason people lose the weight is cause they EAT FEWER CALORIES.

The benefit of surgical/medical intervention is that it offers an escape from hunger. Doing it the old-fashioned, low-tech way means you really do have to learn to live with some or a lot of hunger, which, frankly, sucks monkey butt.

Here's an excerpt from "It's Not What You Eat, It's How Much," but you might wanna read the whole thing over at ABC News:

In terms of dieting, community support can be critical but choosing a plan is up to an individual, and the hardest part of losing weight may be accepting the hunger factor.

Past studies have shown that calorie restriction is the biggest determining factor for successful weight loss, even greater than exercise.

"There are those with unrelenting optimism, who think [dieting] is going to get easier," said Marlene Schwartz, deputy director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University. "But if you are eating fewer calories than you are burning, you are going to be hungry."

But the study's findings encourage experimentation, Sacks said, and the flexibility to find the best balance of calorie restriction and satisfaction for individuals.

"The hardest thing, having been born and raised in America, [was that] I thought I was entitled to eat as much as I wanted whenever I wanted and I would stay the same weight," Termini said. "But you can't do that. And it's not healthy."

So, off to see how well I manage the hunger and food choices today. I'm telling myself to be good, to nurture the optimism, to find my inner warrior.

My inner warrior now needs to get my outer wimp over to the kitchen, where a whole papaya sits on the counter, waiting to be prepped for breakfast--yeah, breakfast. I woke up today at 12:30 and I've moped around feeling like I didn't sleep at all. Lack of energy sucks monkey butt, too.

I want to have eggs and toast and papaya and coffee. I have a mango I can have with lunch, which will probably be a light soup (I took the cans out of the pantry last night and put them on the counter, so I wouldn't ignore them.) A tiny bit of conscious effort to remedy the sad upward course of my weight since late last year.

I could do so much better, I know, if I didn't feel this pressing lethargy. I feel like I'm walking through concrete, like my face is this flat, expressionless mask. I wish I could give up feeling sucky for Lent.

Now, off to get this day going. With some hope, some prayer, and a papaya. :)

Have a great Thursday.

And The Bracelet Goes To...

Lee of Fit By Fifty!

I always used to use the wee papers in a sack method. But thanks to other blogs, like Pasta Queen, I learned about Random.org. And boy, is that easier than making paper number or name bits. Heh.

Lee, I'll be emailing you to get your info.

Thanks to all who entered.

Now, I'm off to enjoy my 49th birthday on a beautiful Miami winter day. A cold front moved in last night, and it's clear and cool and lovely. Yay!

Last Chance To Enter Giveaway For Calorie/Points Counting Bracelet

I'm only accepting entries for the giveaway through midnight tonight. I'll announce the winner tomorrow.

So, if you want to enter, follow the rules/directions AT THIS POST FROM FEB 11. I'll only take names from comments on that post.

Note the particulars of the prize, which is the same in look , but not identical in the shade of blue as the photo at right. :)

Thanks.

Mopey Weigh-In, My Birthday Moccamaster, a Maharani's Feast, Meal Calorie Calculations, and the LHJ Model

Today was a tough weigh-in. I had avoided the scales for, what, just over a week, but it was time to face up to the damage done. (Cue classic Neil Young, one of my fave hippie-era songs, only the Princess version would be "The Eating and the Damage Done.")

279.6

That's the highest I've been since October of 2007! A huge step backward, really.

It is just too damn easy to regain, people. Look upon my weigh-in and be very afraid if you are thinking of slacking off even a little. Don't!

Ah, well. At least I felt calmer today. Not worse. And I didn't have crazy cravings. For breakfast I used 9 points, about 450 calories as follows:

~2 lowfat blueberry pancakes from Diet-To-Go (found them stuffed in my freezer from late last year) with one soy sausage.
~I made some sugarless compote from some blueberries hubby bought me Monday, because the berries were super-gritty and not fun to eat. The compote was passable. Start with a not-great berry, get not-great compote. But, hey, it was fruit and a pretty juiciness on the pancakes.
~I also had 1 organic, free-roaming, vegetarian egg, fried in Pam, with 1 slice Horizon organic American cheese. Just the egg and cheese was 4 points, but I wanted the extra protein/calcium.
~The highlight of my breakfast was using--for the first time--my birthday gift from hubby: a hand-made Technivorm Moccamaster coffeemaker with the gourmet coffee I ordered with it. Yum. Best cup of coffee I ever had.

What a wonderful coffeemaker. But not cheap. But hey, I'm turning 49. I need the consolation of superior cuppa joes.


So, breakfast went okay.

For lunch (which I just had, so it's more like dunch or linner), I decided to go vegetarian with spicy Indian food, so I could maybe feel comfortable with lots of flavor without having to eat a bingey 2000 or 2500 calories. I had half a cup of dal and half a cup of matar panir with a cup of rice and a very small piece of nan (about 3 inches by 2 inches) with a tablespoon of onion chutney, and one veggie samosa with a tablespoon of tamarind chutney. I had water and another cup of coffee, too.

I have no idea what the calories are (have to look it up), but my guess is that it's gonna be something like the following in points(respectively) 3 + 5 + 5 + 1 + 1 + 3 + 1. That's 19 points. About 950 cals.

Total Points: 28 so far, about 1400 cals.

And I still need to get more fruit and maybe a small salad before bed, so I get my produce in.

Now, on that Model Thing: I was browsing the March 2009 issue of Ladies Home Journal, and I noticed the model in one of the fashion/style spreads was a regular at my Pilates studio. If you want to take a look, go HERE and it's the model in the green dress, smiling. If you click the back arrow at the top left, you go to a previous page with her looking to the right out a window. Though I've only chatted with her a few times in passing, she's very amiable. (If you own the magazine, she's on page 51, 52, 54, and 56).


Updated: Thanks, Lyn. I have no idea why I wrote Neil Diamond. That's weird. :)

Pondering a Derailment, Praying for Progress

I have not been on plan. I have no diet mojo. I have head mojo--as in "I know"--and I have desire mojo--as in "I want"--but the will is not cooperating. The will is rebellious. And I'm a spoiled brat.

I say this because I'm just not putting effort into this weight loss thing, and I have not been consistent or focused or goal-oriented. I've been floating and feeling defeated.

So, it's time to ponder this derailment of my goals/objectives, eating plan. Only my exercise has been consistent and that's suffering from my lethargy of will and body. This week, due to the holiday and my birthday on Friday, I only have one scheduled session instead of two. But I'm back to three next week, so that's a temporary blip.

I remain on the verge of depression. I can feel that weird apathy crawling upon me that makes me want to sleep a lot, eat a lot, and not do much else--not errands, not chores, not even happy stuff. Hubby was off this weekend, and he offered to take me here, there, everywhere, and I never even got dressed once until Monday. I even said no to a Valentine's Day outing--though he was willing to do or go wherever I wanted, no matter the cost. And my sister is still waiting to hear what I want to do for my birthday, and I keep saying, "I don't know," cause nothing sounds inviting--not a picnic, not a barbecue, not a party, not a beachfest, nothing. I feel like a pile of gray putty, like the immoveable object.

This is not an "I give up" post, btw. This is an "I know I'm in doodoo, in the pit, and I'm talking this out publicly and trying to figure out why I am my own saboteur, why this stupid cloud of the blues wants to rain on my parade, why I can't pick myself up and move forward."

But of course, I could. That's the thing. I feel defeated, but I'm only defeated if I remain where I am, just coasting and letting illness, lethargy, and depression BE MY LIFE.

It can't be my life. Why am I not fighting? I want to be a warrior against all these odds!

Anyway, hubby is going out of town tomorrow. I get to have the whole day to assemble what forces I have remaining and take a stand against all internal and external foes.

I want to be like those women in Ladies Home Journal and other magazines that you see as the AFTER story, who went after their dreams with focus (whether it was a career goal, a weight goal, a family goal, etc) and are photographed smiling and triumphant. I'd like to get to THIS GOAL, among others, but yes, THIS GOAL. The reason I started this blog.

I know I'm not alone in this sort of rut, frustration, backsliding, failure, call it what you will. But it's a painful thing to feel as if I'm the one sliding away from myself. I'm the one who is my own enemy, and I'm allowing it.

I'm allowing it.

All the reasons/excuses I can mount up don't measure up. I'm allowing it.

People with bigger obstacles than mine have made progress. It's not impossible.

But I'm allowing the obstacles to get to me.

Okay, big whine over. I will go to bed. I will get up to say bye to my traveling sweetie. I will work to make Tuesday better than Monday, and I will look into that place where wants and will meet and talk to that stubborn, defeated, depression-plagued part of me is aching to make progress.

Tomorrow--er, today--is gonna be a prayer day.

I'll also keep in mind Kate, who is at this moment away from home to have her WLS. At this moment, feeling leaden and slow and out of fuel, even gastric bypass doesn't seem as offputting and drastic as it usually does to me; perhaps that's because of this weight of frustration, perhaps that's because it seems easier than the daily struggle with appetite. But I know when I'm rested and myself again, I'll fear that surgery again and nix it as an option, even though I've seen many good results, even though I understand why it's a necessary option, even though I keep it in the back of my own mind as an option. The last one. I hope Kate's results are great. She deserves it.

And I hope those of us doing it without WLS or other surgical interventions, those of us going it solo, so to speak, do a bit better today, just a bit better, week by week.

God help us all who travel on our various journeys.

Oh, and I welcome prayers. Yes, indeed, I do.

Cause I'm not giving up...

The Princess' Blingy Giveaway: WIN a Bracelet To Help You Stay On Track

Okay, so it's hump day--aka Wednesday--and lots of us are having trouble staying within a reasonable calorie/points range. Binge-eating has been slithering around or tempting or outright assailing and overcoming several of us--me, CC (so glad to see you back on the wagon, babe), Lyn, Diana. Maybe YOU there, too.

Anyway, I got myself yet another tool this week from Signature Charms Handmade Creations. I've been so bummed by my setbacks, that I got several of these points/calorie tracking bracelets in assorted colors, so I could match them to whatever I wore. I got em in black, brown, denim blue, turquoise blue, gray, multi-color, and red/black. That array covers most of my wardrobe--which, like the majority of us fat folks, is based on black. (Navy and dark brown slacks, too, and assorted colored tops. But black rules.) Pic at right is my wrist/arm with some of the ones I got. Not all that in focus, sorry. But I wanted you to see the colors and assorted charms (crosses, two kinds, a daisy, and a "faith" message).

I decided to share my newly acquired largesse.


I have an extra bracelet made of denim-blue beads and silvery accents with a charm that says, "Believe." Hey, we gotta have faith to work on losing weight, right? We gotta believe we can do it, right?

This should go great if you're into blue jeans, sure, but the color is semi-neutral and would look great with other blues, browns, burgundies, khakis, tans, purples, roses, grays, reds, etc. Here's a pic to the right of the style of bracelet. (This is not the right color. I couldn't copy the image that Jessica of Signature Charms uploaded to eBay.com. This picture has a brighter, lighter blue than the denim blue, which is more muted in tone and darker. See the denim blue image HERE.)

This fits up to an 8" size wrist. Probably best for 6.5 to 8 inches. I have a 7.5 inch wrist and it fits me perfectly.

Again, don't go by the color in this pic. Visit the image at ebay for a more realistic depiction of the color of the bracelet I'm giving away. Thanks. :)

This bracelet used as a 1 WW point per bead or 50 calories per bead tool can track from 28 points/or/1400 calories, to 35 points/or/1750 calories, and even how I plan to use it as 36 points/or/1800 calories. I assume you can get creative according to your needs, ie, instead of assigning 50 calories per bead, you can assign less or more. You can always get a calculator and do the division. :)

I find that one point/50 calories per bead works best.

However, you can count or discount the metal spacers as per your own individual need. (Leave them out and get 28 points. Count them and get to 35 or 36 points. If you count the starter bead--the biggest one that's the starting point/ending point--you can get to 37 points, even, which is about 1850 cals.)

Now, here's how this bracelet works--for those of you unfamiliar with the points/calorie tracking via beads:


~Choose ahead of time how you're going to do the count. Let's say with this one, we're gonna use 1750 calories per day, or 35 WW points.
~Place the removable charm at the starting point to give you 35 points. On this bracelet I'm giving away, that would be finding the starter bead (it's the bigger one with a metal spacer on each side.) Attach the charm to the outside of one of the metal spacers after the starter bead. This starts your day.
~Slide on the bracelet. (It's elastic for ease.)
~When you have a meal, calculate how many points or calorie increments of 50 you've consumed. If you eat 11 points or 550 calories, then you count eleven beads. Each spacer can pinpoint a "five" spot (so you can count in increments of five easily). So, if you eat 11 points (or 550 calories), from that starting position, you can hit two of the subsequent metal spacers (going in the opposite direction to the starter bead, not going BACK over the starter), which is 10 points/500 calories, and then one more bead. So, your charm will lie after the eleventh bead.
~Repeat the counting and replacement of charm after each meal or snack.
~When you get to the last metal spacer (the one right next to the starter bead on the OTHER side from where you started, you're done for the day. You've eaten 35 points.

If you only want to count 28 points or 1400 calories, then you skip the spacers and count in increments of 4, only for the smaller denim blue beads. No silver ones.

As I said, this can be modified to suit your own caloric needs. If you need more beads (ie, you eat 2000 calories or 40 points per day), then simply move the charm BACK five spaces when you reach 35 (which will give you 5 more points/250 more calories) and then finish your counting normally.

There you go. I'm gonna give this a try and see if it helps keep me conscious of my consumption a bit more easily than journaling (which is a pain). At least it's cuter than a WW journal.

If you'd like a shot at winning this denim points/calorie tracking bracelet, here are the rules: 1. Reside in the USA, as I will only mail domestically. (Sorry, gotta economize on postage). 2. Leave a comment with your name or nickname and tell me if you count points or count calories and also how many you aim to eat per day maximum. 3. Leave your email (disguised so you don't get spammed, sort of like ImADieter atsy yahoo dotsy com), so that I can contact you if you win.

If you prefer not to leave your email here publicly, then you'll have to check back here to see if you won and then contact me within 2 days of my announcement of your win, or I will select another person to win.

Note that you will eventually have to give me your snail mail address, so that I can send this to you.

And if you don't win, or if you prefer another color, be sure to check out the selection at Signature Charms Handmade Creations. She'll also happily custom create a charm bracelet for you to your specifications--if you need more or fewer beads or a specific charm. She is having a sale now--bracelets normally 9.50 are reduced to 7.99. Tell Jessica the Princess Dieter sent ya.

Note: Winner will be announced on my birthday--Feb 20. I won't be the only one getting a goody that way. :)
~

X-Weighted and Marichu

This is a repeat episode from 2007, but it does show what being a junk food/take-out junkie will do to your body. Both Anthony and Marichu (the Mrs.) were obese. They were also clearly feeling the damage to one's self-esteem that so often comes with being so large.

Marichu had to deal with clutter issues, and not just body clutter--house clutter. (I'm a hoarder, so I know of clutter .) And you could see that the pain of change was weighing on her as much as her fat. She was very weepy and her face was this harrowing mask of depression. Hard to watch.

She couldn't even celebrate her 32 pound loss at the mid-point weigh-in (at three months). Honey, 32 pounds in 3 months is a VERY good weight loss rate. Are you kidding me?

I wanted to slap her.

But I realize that she felt she was working so hard that she should have lost, I dunno, 50?

Not how it works. Fat comes on as easy as pie, goes off harder than heck.

It's such a shame she couldn't jump up and down with joy for that 32 lb loss. I got so tired of hearing, "Was it worth it?" Yeah. If you didn't gain, if you lost, it's worth it, cause not doing anything, girl, just makes you FATTER.

I should add her hubby was also not celebratory over losing 36 lbs in 3 months. What is with these people? Do they have SAD or something?

At the end, they both lost big, looked better, made inroads into making their lives more vital and enjoyable. Marichu in part did this by passing her second attempt at her lifeguard test (she failed 3 of 4 tests the first time). And Anthony did it by engaging in kickboxing and realizing he'd been so miserable for years, but that he could be happy again. (Marital issues came to the fore, as it's bound to when people start to assess and make changes to their lives.)

It was really great to see Marichu and Anthony both look so much more alive--their faces no longer tragic masks. And the kids now have so much of a better shot at NOT becoming as obese as their parents, as they learn to cook healthful meals and learn to enjoy fruits and veggies, instead of just consuming fast food fare.

Final tally: Marichu lost 66 lbs (originally weighed 245, ended up at 179) and a total of 26 inches. Anthony lost 63 pounds (original weighed 347) and a total of 22 inches. Man, she beat him. How 'bout that?

At the finale, Marichu was able to glow and smile and show elation. She looked great after the makeover (hair and clothes). The frumpy, uberwhiny, hangdog-faced depressed housewife was gone. The Girl was back!

Nice.

Now, that was 2007 the show first aired (and I don't know if that means the weight loss occurred in 2006 or 2007). But I would like to know how they're doing now. Have they lost more? Have they maintained? Have they regained?

One thing I hate about these weight loss programs--X-Weighted, You Are What You Eat, to a lesser extent The Biggest Loser--is that they don't do adequate follow-up. As a viewer, I'm interested in what happens when real life strikes.

After all, the ranch is not real life. It's...intervention. It's...treatment.

I'd like regular follow-ups of ALL the contestants to see the ones who succeeded AFTER the show ends. The ones who keep it off, they're the ones to learn from, frankly. But I think it's important to see the ones who do not succeed in maintaining, because we learn from that, too. I know the first TBL follow-up was too upbeat and felt like a whitewash. Subsquent ones reported online were less slanted.

While I don't know how this couple is continuing to do, if her facebook photo is anything to go by, Marichu is doing great and looking faboo. Gives a gal hope. :)

I think one of the good things of shows like this one is the clear depiction of how losing weight can impact so much of a person's life. Fat gets in the way. I know that fat-acceptance folks mean really well. But fat gets in the way of doing so much, of going places, of feeling able to stretch into new avenues. I know fat encapsulates me in more ways than the physical.

Marichu's story--and Anthony's--show how getting leaner and stronger opens doors to living.

~

UPDATE: The original Anthony/Marichu show re-aired today (I watched part while having a snack), and I thank Beth for giving the heads-up in the comments section about an update. If you are curious about what happened to this couple AFTER the show, go here and scroll down for the follow-up info.

A New Week Battling an Old Problem

Well, something is off in my body.

I'm glad I have an appointment with the endocrinologist in 3 weeks, just in case it's that. But who knows. When one has multiple chronic issues, it can be an assortment of causes for fatigue.

And I've been really fatigued. I've been sleeping between 12 and 14 hours. I haven't washed my hair in 8 days cause blow-drying it feels beyond me. Always a sign that, whether a temporary hitch in the chemicals or time for a reassessment of meds, something's up. Or down. I normally don't have dark circles under my eyes (ie, no more than normal coloration), but I look ashen and my circles are purpley-grey. I have no pep.

I feel like it's work to keep myself upright.

I had promised my trainer I'd do at least 10 minutes of aerobic activity per week. I totally never got into it last week. I decided to push myself through the 10 minutes before today's session. I put on my heart monitor (to make sure I was in range) and I just marched/walked in place until I could keep my heart in the 130's bpm.

It's pathetic that it took so much self-talk and mental prep to do TEN FRICKEN MINUTES of THR aerobic activity.

But, fine, it's done.

In a couple hours, I have my Pilates. And it's been hard getting through that since I got sick. I just have to push mentally and physically. I so want to get the vim and joy back, ya know?

Because I felt so lethargic, no, I didn't do my shopping or my cooking. I did make better choices for dinner and lunch a couple times, less ideal others. In the end, though, even with two binge days last week (Wednesday and Thursday, and yes, it was BAD), I ended up being able to change the weight stat and finally be lower again than January 1. (I had been running HIGHER than my year-start weight.)

I so envy people who have lovely energy and good health and wake up feeling that revving engine. I'm sputtering. Hate that.

Whether it's the Metabolic Syndrome, the hormonal issues of middle-age, the Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, or something else, it truly sucks feeling tired all the time and having no interest in enjoying the beautiful Miami winter weather. Sucks.

But, one hour at a time. I made it through the 10 minutes of marching, I'll make it through Pilates, and, with enough mental rah-rahing, I may make it to the grocery store before I doze off.

Hope liveth in my pooped body.

~

My Biggest Dieter's Mistake and Slacking Off Issue Right Now: Not Cooking

I am totally NOT giving it 100%. I'm not even giving it 80%. Shoot, I'm barely hitting 55%.

And my biggest step backwards, my hugest slack-off, from when I was losing--and even maintaining--is...not doing grocery shopping, meal planning, and home cooking.

Without question, this is my big hurdle to tackle this week. Without this, I might as well admit I'm gonna fail.

I've been back into getting take-out, eating out. This spells disaster. It has. I'm stuck at just nearly 8 pounds from my best during this blog's existence. And it's not budging. I thought I could do it with judicious eating out. I can't.

It got especially bad when I was sick (hey, now there's an excuse to order pizza or have hubb go to the local Mexican restaurant or Kabob place). And as I was coming back home after driving through Taco Bell post Pilates (talk about ruining a good deed with a bad one), I told myself this had to stop. I had to get my cooking mojo back on.

So, I committed to myself to go get groceries either later today (if I can get my second wind, as I feel mighty pooped) or after my ultrasound appointment tomorrow. But no later.

I have to admit. I have NO excuse not to grocery shop and plan and cook meals. It's just plain laziness. It's just bad old habits taking over again.

No. Gotta kick the take-out habit. Trying to regulate it (ie, promising to choose only healthful options) isn't working. I gotta just make my food. I have to control what goes into my meals. I have to turn that stove and oven back on. I have to stock that freezer and fridge and the fruit bowls. Period.

And you know, I'm not the only one who needs to do this. Read this a few minutes ago at Diets in Review:

Since 1965, women have gone from spending 13 hours per week cooking meals to the meager 30 minutes per day now, and in that time the number of overweight women has more than doubled, to 65 percent. Biggest Loser cookbooks author Devin Alexander pointed out that “Twenty minutes in the kitchen will save you three hours on the StairMaster.”

Yes. We've become a nation of eater-outers, not home-cookers. Let's be real. At home, you have to measure out the oil and butter and dressing and cheese and portion the meat and chicken and tofu or whatever. You just don't get this plate, like magic, from the Kitchen Fairy. You can't say, "Well, maybe this mashed potato isn't so bad, or these veggies weren't doused in too much butter." At home, you can't fool yourself. You know exactly what's in there, cause YOU put it in there.

I love to eat out. As I told hubby yesterday, after we left the gynecologist (where he held my hand during the painful exam), when he commented how he likes buffets cause he serves himself (and he has VERY little food at buffets, cause his appetitie is pretty small for a tall feller, and they definitely MAKE money off him, cause he never eats 10 bucks worth!), I like being served. I LOVE having someone bring me yummies and take away dirty plates and ask me if I want coffee and dessert.

It makes me feel like an Empress. Or, okay, a Princess. :)

I think a small part of it's 'cause my parents were not eater-outers. Eating out was this amazing thing to me. I'd see sidewalk cafes in NYC when we visited Manhattan and it was so alien. A thing only special people did. Not poor people like us.

I never sat down in my first Chinese restaurant until I was 16, and that because a friend's dad invited me out to eat with his family. I found it astonishing. And it's the same today. I get this wild thrill at heading to a sit-down restaurant and having whatever my heart desires.

Sit-down restaurants are like small vacations. Drive-throughs are me just not wanting to do any work. Either way, they both are about self-spoiling. For me, anyway. Luxury. Not wisdom or self-control. Indulgence.

My parents never modeled this. This is just ME. Spoiling myself. Acting all rich, right? No...They were homey types, simple folks who worked very hard at low-paying work and who watched pennies like hawks watching field mice. Cooking at home was economical. No takeout, except for a walk to the bakery to get bread. That's what poor folks did and do, especially poor immigrant folks who have a hankering for their ethnic flavors, do. Eat at home.

For me, eating out is a huge luxury. It's what rich people do. What my parents could not do.

It's crazy how much money we waste eating out. Really shameful. We could be putting that towards retirement or paying off our car note. Seriously.

It's a bad economy--a perfect time to figure out how to eat well without spending a fortune. It's a challenge, but not insurmountable. For the $5 or $6 bucks that cafeteria or eat-out turkey sandwich costs plus whatever beverage you get and maybe that bag o' chips, you can make two to four lunches at home (depending on what you eat).

So, the Princess needs to haul her fat butt to Whole Foods and get what she needs for a week of meals. I love eating out too much to nix it altogether. But man, even if I reduce it to once or twice a week, that's better than what I've been doing. Every single dinner and most lunches out. Crazy. Foolish.

Oh, man. Back to the basics.

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THE BIGGEST LOSER'S Aubrey Made Me Mad and Carla Made Me Sad

I toggled between THE BIGGEST LOSER last night and AMERICAN IDOL. (Hubby is an AI fan, I didn't want to miss all of TBL, and I refuse to record shows. It's like robbing the future to me in an odd way. It has to be some real treasure for me to bring out the record function. And I haven't recorded anything in, oh, a couple years or more.)

I'd like to say that Aubrey has some fricken nerve. There, said it.

Joelle has been annoying for a while, so it's not surprising she was in some sort of vacant-stare denial, yet again. I really think she has some sort of weird issue--don't know if it's depression or what, but there is somethign really off about Joelle and her reaction and her masklike face. If I were her, I'd head to a doc and get checked out. I mean that seriously, too. Apathy and that sort of frozen look can be symptoms. I get that way when my thyroid is out of range and when I'm really depressed.

So, Joelle's leaving is not unjust. And Carla had a right to be ticked off. You could see how very much Carla wanted to get healthy at the ranch (and on her own). You could taste her desire to stay. Sad. So sad she had to go.

However, I do think that she had the wrong attitude at follow-up reunion. Deciding you have the right to start tongue-lashing someone yet again--no matter how much they hurt you--is no way to make progress. Venting may have felt good, but it wasn't going to get any epiphanies out of Joelle or anyone. Sorry, I wouldn't sit there and let you rip on me, either, not in public. Take it private, sort it out, or agree to go your separate ways. Hash it out in private, then go on camera if you want to explain what happened. But the camera makes a public event of what I consider totally a private one, and that felt a bit too weirdly voyeuristic a moment for me.

Now, Aubrey: Who the hell is she, Miss I lost Two Pounds In A month When I Was Supposedly Working Out Four Hours A Day, to rip on Joelle the way she did about slacking off? Is this hypocritical or what?

I agree that she, like the other contestants, had the right to ASK questions about commitment and rationales in order to make the BEST choice of who to boot, but she had no moral right to act like she's the queen of 100% effort. She totally turned into a very unappealing person in that moment, and part of me hope she ends up on the chopping block next time for that little ugly bit of her real self showing. Although, part of me wonders if her going off on Joelle was really a strange psych thing of her berating her own self for her poor efforts at home.

Could be, ya know?

I hope Carla reaches her goal of being the woman to lose the most weight on the show. She's got gumption. I'd like to see her succeed. And even if she and Joelle never patch things up, I hope they can forgive each other in their own hearts and move one healthfullly.

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