I'm barely holding on. I'm feeling anxiety attacks on top of the mild depression (and thank God for the mild part). I decided to use this week--as hubby is out of town--to write down some action plans to give me a sense of control and reduce the anxiety attacks. I really need to stop the wafting in a blue haze and just write down some sort of step-by-step to do that will focus me on SOMETHING. I'm so unfocused, it's like my whole body and spirit needs LASIK surgery.
But, hazy as I am, I came upon Carnie Wilson's reality show, UNSTAPLED. I have pretty much been ignoring the tv, but I saw a review on a blog and looked for a re-airing time.
Dang. The gal is baking. Someone, please, take the pans away from her and bar her from the sugar bin. What is with that? That's insanity! INSANITY! That would be like me opening up a Tex-Mex Cafe or a Pizza Joint. Two super-duper weak points for me--the cheesy-tomatoey ethnic fare. If I owned either of those, I'd weighh 900 pounds. No crap!
So, here's a gal with a renowned weight issue and she sets up a baked goods business out of her own home (ie, she can't get away from the scent of sweet treats).
Carnie, stop it now. Find another way, especially since you have TWO gigs on GSN and have no time for hubby. A third job really sounds warped. Live simpler, if you must. (Although, man, as someone facing her own budget crisis here, I wonder how one loses two or three fortunes, given she's the daughter of a rich guy, made millions in music, made millions in talk show. What the hell? )
Whatever. I've heard some "can't stand her" comments, but that's not me. I like Carnie. She's the kind of gal who, if she had gone to school with me or been my neighbor, I'd have wanted for a pal. I find her fun and friendly and huggable. I'd watch her show to see if she finds the balance with hubby, kids, work, and self-actualization.
And I really hope she ditches the baking business. Did I say it's INSANE?
I don't buy the 'if I didn't bake, I'd drink.' I think there are other things she could do to keep herself busy--write music, sing again, take up any non-caloric laden hobby like ceramics or bonsai or a new musical instrument or ballroom dancing or watercoloring or, ya know, spend more time with the kids and let hubby go make some more music.
Or, at minimum, if she has to bake, you know, can't she find a way to make healthful baked goods that are tastier than what is out there--preferably whole grains, no sugar, healthy fats, fruits.
What saddens me is that I find her baking not just a form of self-sabotage, but a form of hostility to a fat society--though I know that's not how she means it, it's how it can be perceived. Creating stuff that tempts a society already fatter than it needs, with diabetes at epidemic levels, is to make a choice that is not productive for a fatfighter's soul. Putting sugar, butter, flour and other ingredients out there for an overweight and obese majority is a form of social dietary pollution.
Do we really need more junk food out there? Does Carnie?
Making pies and sugary treats is not fat-eco. That's what I'll call it (unless it's already been used). It's not "fat green".
Our country is so dietarily polluted in how we grow foods, how we prepare them, how we sell them, how we consume them. Dang...how can we not have fat and health issues?
On the subject of dietaray pollution: Why is she giving her daughter container chocolate milk and container juice? How hard is it to make a fresh glass of choco-milk using organic cocoa, organic milk without hormones and crap her daughter doesn't need, and some agave or honey. Much better for a kid than all the artificial crap and sugar in the premade drinks. And smoothies. Much better than filtered juice that's a sugar rush. Smoothies have fiber and all sorts of good stuff. Or hey, fresh juice with all nutrients intact out of a juicer. She's got a decent-sized kitchen. A blender and juicer--not a big deal. Her daughters: a big deal. Especially if she wants them to avoid the unhealthful food choices mother's made.
I'm such a nag. But hey....
Okay, I don't wanna sound fascist, sorry, or overly judgmental (though, clearly, this is a judgment I'm making), but it's like Carnie going right up against her own philosophy about becoming healthy and reaching a healthy weight. It's belied by her action. And it's like adding to imbalance in her life, not balance. It's like me making a hobby of collecting antiques. As a hoarder, the LAST thing I need is to acquire...anything. I need to de-acquire, heh. I need to surrender the need for this safety net of books and office supplies and paper towels and soup cans and other stuff, the thousands of things that are tying me down, not setting me free.
In the end, I do hope Carnie goes and spends some smoochy time with hubby. He seems like a nice guy and loving poppa, and I'd like to see their marriage endure a lifetime, even if her weight loss does not.
As for me---I need to find my own balance, motivation, action plan.
Like Carnie, I need to get my eyes back on the assorted prizes--saving money for some big expenses coming up, spending less overall to cure my hoarding addiction, and getting back to my spiritual exercises, which have sort of lapsed (okay, not sorta, definitely). Like Katschi of Fitcetera blog, I have clutter issues that need to be addressed. I want a new phase of my life to start with this year--ie, planning for a home sale and a move--but so much needs to be done that it's daunting. Weight loss. Decluttering. Budgeting. Simplifying. Renovation. Repairs.
Makes me want to crawl back under the comforter.
I usually get a word for the year, but my lack of spiritual focus in 2009 meant that I missed that end of year silence and prayer that annually brught my guiding word or phrase. Until I get one from on high later this year--if I do, hope I do--I decided to choose some that seem to fit where I am and what I need most. For 2010, my mantras are:
"Get it done!"
"Lose the Fear!"
"Find the balance!"
"Regain the joy!"
I guess these will count as my belatedly-stated resolutions.
Watching Carnie's show, reading some blogs, looking around my world....I can see I'm not alone in needing those mantras.
Happy 2010 to all fatfighters and hoarers and depressives and anxiety-prone ones. Let's do it!
While hair care is not diet-related, it is mood-related to me. A good hair day makes me happier and a bad hair day lowers my joy level, I can tell you. In an effort to go more natural (not just in foods, but in other products), I've turned off the flat iron and blow-dryer (mostly) in favor of air-drying. (See mini-pics of my hair as it is au naturel, air-dried, at left. I'm still recovering from decades of straightening, but my curls will heal.) I've also switched to products that use either all or mostly natural products--oils, emollients, moisturizers, surfactants, etc. I'm a curly haired gal--quite curly. My hair naturally spirals and coils. Since late November, I haven't straightened it. And I've been using some interesting stuff I've sampled from Whole Foods and from Curlmart. Shop now through February 1 at Curlmart and SAVE 15%. Use coupon code 5DAY15*. They carry lots of curl-friendly hair lines such as the Deva, Curl Junkie, MyHoneyChild, Mop Top, Kinky Curly, Jessicurl, Curly Hair Solutions, etc. If you have been straightening/blowing/flat-ironing and want to go natural with your waves or curls, I highly recommend the NaturallyCurly.com site, forum (CurlTalk), articles, and CurlMart reviews and products.
