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Happy and Fit Friday to Y'All!!!

A Rocky Start to Summer Slimmin' Week 3 --Plus Belly Pic, Food Pics, Pilates Pics

Man, the weekend really threw me off. Not just the overload of cheese at the anime con, but the overload of salty-dippy crap (on tortilla chips) at my brother's house. I have yet to be at my calorie level since Saturday. Yesterday's eating was better, but still not at target.

Today, so far, so good. I'm really hungry right NOW, so I'll be having lunch after posting.

I will add that I am nonetheless not feeling that weird mired, hopelessness I've felt in the past. I'm more feeling analytical and pretty calm. I haven't had an all-out binge and I haven't felt like giving up. In fact, I have this feeling of , "My groove is coming. My groove is just around the corner." I kinda like that.

Anyway, I did start my new medication regimen, so I have fingers crossed that won't be an issue/obstacle. I continue to feel pretty chipper, like some epiphany is on its way. Hope so. :D

So, here's a pic for continuing motivation mojo--my appley body's belly that I wanna reduce to keep diabetes away from my door:

And here's the sparkly "goal dress" that now fits, but I haven't worn out yet (too fricken hot for this fabric):

I bought a goal shirt that will fit when I'm down another 7 pounds or so. I decided to get goal stuff I can wear sooner. Heh. I had that dress in the back of the closet for years.

And some meals I've had, including today's breakfast:

Above is a Spanish Omelette (potatoes, onions, eggs, olive oil), a soy sausage, tomatoes, a whole wheat roll with lowfat pimento cheese spread (I didn't eat the angel food cake and tossed it). Water, lovely Brazilian coffee.

Had the above on Monday for lunch. It's mixed greens (including my fave arugula) with gorgonzola crumbles and onions and a balsamic vinaigrette. Fresh pineapple chunks. Coconut Water. Water.

This is a Diet-To-Go breakfast option--the Egg and Broccoli pie (essentially a lowfat quiche with a whole grain crust). I sauteed mushrooms and had a baby arugula and baby spinach salad (tomatoes and a bit of EVOO). Coffee. Lime water. An orange and a nectarine.

Here are some exercises I did Monday at my Pilates session (ignore the uberdorky hair that I hastily clipped up and off my face), and I left out a bunch, but I wasn't gonna upload the one with a crotch shot. HAH! I got that new active top at Lane Bryant last week. On sale, very comfy:

Man, why is it so much of my weight has to go and just sit in my dang middle. I'm so unbalanced. Ah, well.

Okay, so now back to my regularly scheduled water consumption and lunch-making. It's lowfat eggplant parmesan with steamed veggies today. While the scale is, yes,  glaring at me with an uptick (oh, salt, why do I long so after thee?) after Sunday's indulgences, I am not stressing. Our Lady of Weight Loss has told me, "All is forgiven. Move on."

Happy Wednesday to all you fatfighting folks!

Fat Gals CAN Do Pilates! Even MORBIDLY OBESE ones! Here's Photographic Proof...

UPDATE: A pic of me from this blog post originally published on ONCE UPON A DIET blog showed up with an article over at Suite 101. The article is titled "Fat People Can Do Pilates Equipment Workout."  And yes, I'm proof fat people CAN.

~~~As promised, the pics of me during one of my Pilates training sessions. The pics were taken 6-10-10 and I was 265 at the time (for reference, for the fat gals out there who wonder if THEY can do it at X pounds. I have done it at 278 lbs, too.). I am an apple shape, meaning I carry my fat mostly in the middle, principally in that forward danger zone: the abdomen. My belly is huge. It actually IS an impediment to movement. So, we work around it.

If you aren't familiar with Pilates or are and have been intimidated by the equipment or think your size is a barrier, then I'm here to say: try it.

Yes. Fat folks can do it.   Here are pics of a plus-sized gal doing it. She's the only one I've been able to find online shown doing various poses.

The exercise community seems to be lagging behind the reality of what's going on in the US. They have only recently begun discussing how to deal with overweight/obese clients. And I've seen some advise the client to lose weight first. (Excuse me?!) But little by little, I see that conversation widening. (Not fast enough, not wide enough, but some). When I began doing Pilates in 2008, those pics I linked to were NOT online. I couldn't find pics of big gals like me doing Pilates, never mind BIG MIDDLE-AGED gals. :D

But we're the ones who need to exercise THE most, and many of us have back pain issues, joint pain, and could benefit from the increased core strength (to carry that heavy load) and flexibility.

I have bad knee joints and one slightly wrecked ankle, and I purposefully chose Pilates because it's easy on the joints and low-impact. I did fear I wouldn't be able to use the strange apparati (not strange now, but strange to me prior to doing it). I will confess that getting on and off the Reformer is TOUGH for us heavyweights. But you'll only look like an overturned, drunk turtle for a few weeks to a month, then you'll look like a sober overturned turtle, then you'll start getting up and off with more ease as you get stronger.

The Cadillac, though, is great for us. For big gals and guys, getting down to the floor and back up can be tough (especially if, like me, you have to be super-cautious about what you do with your knees). But the Cadillac is higher off the ground and it's a breeze getting on and off. I strongly recommend that if you're a big person, you tell your instructor to let you use the Cadillac to start, along with Reformer work, and avoid the mat as long as you can.

So, here it is. A morbidly obese, middle-aged gal does Pilates:

Okay, first pic is me on the Reformer (the apparatus that most folks will associate with Pilates, invented by Mr. Pilates himself.) It's got a sliding part you sit or stand on, springs, attachments, a foot bar, etc, so diverse and numerous exercises can be performed on it--for warming up and for strengthening, for arms and legs and core and back, etc. Here, I'm working upper body. I am sitting on a short bench in order to modify it to accomodate my belly (lets my legs extend without straining my lower back. I am doing the Airplane, which is part of the "essential" Pilates Reformer repertoire called BACK ROWING PREPS.). Like many Pilates moves, this LOOKS easy in the pic, but you are constantly focusing your attention on proper form and breathing, so I tend to be deeply in my brain coordinating the postural and breath stuff. I do less well on the breath being asthmatic, but when it's good, it does help a lot. Depending on the way the machine is configured (for tension), this can be REALLY CRAZY HARD.

Hah. Speaking of breath, you can see my cheeks puffed up here as I blow out air on exertion (ie, I'm pulling up on the rope). Again, this is the Reformer, I'm on that little bench for modification , and I'm in a half roll-down position doing biceps curls. (I do have hard lil biceps, too, now!) It's WAY harder than it looks when you've got a gazillion fat cells in the way of tucking butt under and holding stomach muscles curled so as to support weight with the core. This exercise is also part of the Essential Reformer Repertoire, back rowing preps category.

It took me a good, long while to be able to do this, and it's STILL really hard for me. I went into Pilates with the upper body strength of a newborn, I swear. My trainer has been merciless (thank you) with the upper body work to get me to a better, stronger place. (Man, can I carry a lot of groceries now.) But it's still not my forte, and anything where weight is supported by my upper body and is on my puny, carpal-tunnely wrists, it's tough.

In this one, it's your CORE that is pulling you in (ie, sliding in the carriage), not your arms. Your arms stay still and firm and long, and, here's the kicker, your pelvis has to come forward (the shifting of weight is killer),  and then your abdomen has to do the work. So hard. That first pic is the out position (the carriage is slid out some). Here's the in position: my core pulled in the carriage.

I will add that it's very hard for me to do some straigtening moves (of arms, of legs) in particular positions, as my fat IS an obstacle. But that doesn't mean you can't modify or do what your body allows, safely.

Aha! At upper left--the Push Through with Modified Teaser on the Cadillac. This exercise starts with you laying down and then you lift your head and roll up your torso as you lift the bar.

To accomodate my level (I am NOT advanced yet) and my belly, we've done the legs in a diamond position. Here, my knees are bent with feet together.

We decided to see if I could get my legs straighter: a push through with teaser. And here's that move at left.

It's really tough for me to straighten my arms here due to the obstruction of fat in the upper arms/upper back/neck. But I do try. :)

We move over to the ladder barrel usually for the last minutes of the session. (The pics above are not in the order I did the exercises, as we began on the Cadillac, then moved to Reformer.)  Side bends (hate em, get cramps in my hips if I'm not perfect on form) are tough. You are lifting your upper body weight with your core, especially focusing on your obliques. Down and up. Down and up. I've done it with feet in this position and higher on the rungs. With arm out and with both arms bent with hands on forehead.

Again, I'm blowing out that air. Hah. Glad I did my pedicure before my trainer surprised me with the picture-taking.

After this, we tend to do stretches, getting me cooled down safely.

And we usually end a session with a roll down, which means standing, feet parallel, hip distance apart, then rolling down from the neck and down vertebrae by vertebrae until you just hand loose, then you tuck your pelvis and scoop your abs and roll up vertebrae by vertebrae to a slow count of 4, exhaling.

I didn't have pics for every exercise and stretch we did in 55 mins time, but these are to show what might be included in a workout on various apparati.

I hope if you're a fat gal or guy--obese or morbidly obese--you won't be afraid to try Pilates. I always feel so much better afterwards and, yes, it helps your activities of daily living and SEX. :D  As you can see, snuggish fitting clothing is good . This--in the pics-- is one of my baggier tops for Pilates, and I have camisoles, tank tops, and racerback tops, all sleeveless and all more snug,  that I wear as well. I also have Danskin shorts and bootcut pants that I've worn to a session, but capris are my fave, as they do offer my knees a layer of cloth to absorb sweat for the "on my knees" moves.

There it is. As promised: Fat Princess Does Pilates.

Now there's pics of TWO of us supersized, Pilates-loving ladies on the internet.

If you are in the Miami area and want to try a private session to see what you think of Pilates, do call Liza at The Pilates Room in North Miami Beach.  I strongly recommend a couple or more private sessions BEFORE undertaking classes, as you need to learn about proper Pilates posture (imprinting is hard for some to "get") and what will be the needed modifications for your larger body type. The link takes you to their site with contact info, class schedule, and bios of the instructors.

Later, and a happy, healthful Tuesday to all!

WARNING: These photos are the property of this blog's owner and cannot be used without permission and should not under any circumstance be hotlinked. But feel free to use a regular link to use this as a reference as needed to help other folks who have weight problems and wanna do this great form of exercise and rehab.

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Summer Slimmin' Challenge: My Meals in Pics and a New Low Weigh-In Milestone! Party like it's 2002!

I was VERY VERY happy with my visit to the scale today, my fourth day into the Summer Slimmin' Challenge. Very. I'll tell you why ....later.

I did fine with water and calories yesterday, but I didn't exercise (felt a bit unwell). Got my bloodwork done for my endocrinologist, so will be half-anxious/half-eager to see what THAT looks like. (I have hypothyroidism form Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Metabolic Syndrome.) Shopped for some meals at a local gourmet market. (Expect my vegetarian diet meals to be delivered tomorrow afternoon.) I posted on most of the challenge blogs. ( I will only post on blogs that update and will start to see which support me and only support those that support me. Hey, it's gotta be reciprocal.)

So, what did I eat that I haven't posted pics of? This:

LUNCH After Pilates on Monday: I was feeling mighty hungry, so I headed to a local Mexican eatery (with really good, authentic tasting food that has a nice fresh taste and is one of my faves). Instead of my usual bingeyness, I chose shredded chicken breast tostadas. You get two. I ate one of the tostadas and all of the beans, white meat chicken shreds, lettuce, cheese, and drizzled sour cream (they make it and it's very liquidy). I had 1/2 cup salsa (there's 1/4 cup in the pic, but I had more. I cup romaine lettuce, plain. A Starbucks sugar-free vanilla latte, grande size. Cantaloupe water. Arizona Blueberry no-carb green tea . Man, was that good. And about half of what I usually have at that restaurant. Total: 741 calories.

Dinner on Monday was a frozen meal: HEALTHY CHOICE chicken parmigiana with broccoli and apple crisp (basically an apple cinnamon compote with some oatsy granola-ey stuff sprinkled on top). It was surprisingly tasty. I added some parmesan to the chicken and broccoli. I had a cup of cherries (organic, numsy) and a cup of Blueberry No Carb green tea over ice. Had cantaloupe kiwi water. Total: 613 calories.  Monday's Caloric total: 1809.

Because I had bloodwork at 1:15 pm, I couldn't eat breakfast. So, I had brunch at around 3pm. Curried Chicken Salad (fruity and so good) on a bed of 4 cups of mixed lettuces. One cup lentil soup with 1/2 tsp EVOO. Blueberry No Carb green tea. Pineapple water. Calories: 616

I was really tired in the PM after not sleeping a lot for two days. So, before dinner (after a nice nap) I had a cup of hot tea splashed with organic half n half. (Even though we are having a hot spell with some record breaking heat, I craved a hot cuppa). It felt so luxurious and comforting. I had a cup of lentil soup with 1/2 tsp EVOO and some raspberry pineapple water. Calories: 187

About an hour later, when I felt less groggy-icky,  I had my meal. was gonna make some eggs, since I missed breakfast, but my hubby hadn't eaten his Starbucks sandwich. I took the " guts" and nuked them to get them hot and the cheese melty. (It's black forest ham with a bit of frittata with cheddar on top.) Nice. And gave me protein, as the rest of my meal was vegetarian. And fabulous. On the green rectangular plate: spinach and portabello mushroom orzo and ratatouille. SO GOOD.  Raspberry pineapple water and more tea to drink.

I didn't take a pic, but I had a half-cup of Tasti D-Lites chocolate frozen dairy treat as dessert. It's sugar-free, lowish-carb and low-calorie. And felt like such a splurge. Yum.

Dinner calories:  950   Tuesday Total Calories: 1753.

I still didn't sleep as much as I needed, but got more than  yesterday, so hurray. I got on the scale to see if the salty "guts" I had with dinner made me bloat. The scale was down: 264.2

That is my lowest weigh-in since starting this blog in May of 2007, which you can confirm by scrolling way down my sidebar to see the stats I've kept for three years. That's  lower than what I weighed in January of 2003, when I got weighed and measured for fat, etc, at a local gym. I'm happy. :)

Fatwings: How my arms look now...

I'm gonna show you my upper arms  and me at 266 lbs in the sun. My batwings. Er, okay, fat wings. Hanging in the bright noonday light.

The thing is that I wish you could FEEL them. I have MUSCLE under all that blubber. Two years of Pilates and I have lots of muscle. But...fat covereth a multitude of muscle, it seems.

Heh.

Anyway, since I'm starting a challenge on Sunday--I'll post on that shortly so some of y'all who need a boost for the summer fatfight can join in--I wanted documentation of their size NOW. By next June, I want those babies to be smaller. (And I'm using MSM cream daily for a week plus now and taking Zinc supplementation hoping that helps with elasticity a bit.)

Here we go. A pic taken Monday, May 31, 2010.

I present the royal fatwings:

Dang, my boobies look big, too, huh?

Note the utter joy on my face. I am proof one can be fat and happy. I may suffer from bouts of depression, but when the blues take a hike, I'm a happy gal being photographed by a happy guy (whom I love madly and who loves me madly, hooray). Love is more potent than fat. :) And I hope you feel joyful even if you have huge fatwings like me.

Take a cue from Lisa and her own pics of her upper arms as they used to be at a weight very close to mine now: Be happy, dance, have joy, enjoy life, even if your body is a source of shame or frustration at times, refuse to give in to the negative self-views. Be full of cheer NOW, not when you're 40 or 100 or 200 lbs slimmer. You have to have fun with what you have now. You have to love the you that you are now. Don't hide away. Don't wait to be fully you. Don't wait for the miracle diet or miracle pill or miracle protein drink. Just glow now.

Okay, I showed you mine. Now, let me see YOUR fatwings or droopy thighs or hanging abdomen or whatever it is you'd like to see change a bit or a lot this summer. Take a shot. Post it. Document it. Then make it....history. But not shameful history. Just plain old...history.

And you know what? Post a pic even if you are NOT going to work on changing a dang thing, if you're fat and happy and sassy and not gonna diet or run a marathon or do anything but be zaftig self. That's fine, too.

Post a comment with a link if you have the cojones to show your fat to the world with a smile on your face.

Later...

What The Princess Ate Today: In Pictures. Yummy!

Breakfast: 2 eggs plus 2 egg whites scrambled with orange/green/red bell peppers, onions, and baby bella mushrooms with 2% Kraft singles melted on top. A Thomas' English hearty grains muffin with Smart Balance spread and Nature's Hollow sugar-free jams (apricot, strawberry). Coffee. A smoothie made with mango, raspberries, and blueberries with 1/2 cup fat-free milk and a bit of water. So good:

Lunch: Went to Wendy's cause I had a Mandarin Chicken Salad craving (had it for lunch yesterday, too). I had the almonds and all the dressing and I segmented a fresh orange and added it to the salad to up the vitamin C and my count of fruits and veggies. Mmmm. And I love oranges. I drank filtered water witih strawberry slices for flavor. Yum:

Dinner: Well, I didn't wanna cook, so when I was at Wendy's for lunch, I picked up a Southwestern Salad to have for supper. And here it is. I used the lite sour cream they give you and the tortilla strips, but I nixed the dressing. I added a half a cup of chopped tri-color peppers (under the chili, so you can barely see some pieces peeping out the sides) and about a quarter cup of chopped onions on top of the chili, under the cheese. I drank 10 oz of coconut water (to balance the salt content) and more strawberry slices-flavored water:

Yesterday's FiberGourmet Pasta Lunch and Today's Big Fat Greek Breakfast

I did okay with eating yesterday (better than today, turned out, as I went nuts with Mexican at lunch today).

Here are two photo peeks at my intake. Yesterday's lunch: FiberGourmet Rotini with Rao's Marinara sauce and imported Italian parmesan (grated). Coconut Water. Organic arugula with parmesan and EVOO. Simple and  yummy.

Here's today's first meal, which I dubbed "My Big Fat Greek Breakfast". I was really surprised that when I logged it into my Sparkpeople Nutrition tracker, it was 636 calories. I've been eating HUGE breakfasts that topped 800. I think this was cause I had less bread and butter and I used egg whites instead of whole eggs and I didn't have a caloric side beverage, as I had been doing all week. Anyway, what's on there: Big plate--egg white omelette topped with chopped raw tomato, red bell pepper, feta cheese, and oregano. To the left: raw cucumber with red wine vinegar and EVOO and oregano. An orange. Rye toast with imported English butter. Cucumber slice-filled water, chilled. Coffee. Filling, yummy, with 3.5 fruits and veggy servings. Worth the calories and time to fix it.

A bloggy pal and I are trying to figure out what to do as a summer challenge. When we sort it out, we'll let you know.

Have a health-filled holiday weekend, folks. Remember those military brave ones who died protecting our liberties...

Full body photo: What 267 lbs looks like on me.

I'm trying to have a better progress log in my own records. So, while most of my life I avoided taking pics if I could (even when I was slim and young)--cause I was convinced I was the ugliest thing my family ever birthed  and was and am self-conscious about my tetracycline-damaged teeth (and won't spend oodles of thousands for Lumineers unless someone wants to donate them, hah)--I'm braving more pics nowadays, at least of my bust upwards.


Sunday, we went shopping for organic produce (expensive, ouch, but tasty) and I had hubby take a couple of full body shots. Sigh.

All bodies are different in HOW they carry weight, but there is a point after which you cannot disguise that you're obese. At my weight of 267, there's no hiding it. It's there, it's out, it's unavoidable. And I carry it in apple fashion (round and in the gut bigtime). I noticed that the bit of weight I lost lately I lost in a different way than I used to before menopause hit me last year. It's going from my hips, not my waist. My waist was where I'd lose it first (and boobs). Now, it's hips. That sucks. Makes me apple-ier. Urk.

Anyway, here goes:

It's not just my food that's gone more natural and chemical-free. I've been moving to more natural hair care--hence my curls. I haven't blown-dried/straightened my hair since Nov of 2009. I try to use products that skew heavily on naturals (although with my allergy issues, some of those naturals are allergenic for me). Now, if only I could get FATTER HAIR and THINNER BODY from my quest for more natural ways. :)

Well, as always, it's up to me. Always has been. No matter the obstacles--menopause, middle age, hypothyroidism, autoimmune conditions, allergies, budget, plain old procrastinating lazy ass ways--it's up to me.


And your fat fight is up to you.

Happy fatfighting on this warm Wednesday....

Alive, but not kicking so much...but WANTING to kick. :)

It's been more than two months since I checked in. Whoa. Okay, so...

I've been a slug. Haven't done much of anything I should be doing. Won't go into the whys and wherefores, other than to say I'm having a bit of a midlife event. Hitting the big FIVE OH was more trying than I expected. Even though my birthday celebration and the weeks before and after had some good times (great Valentine's Day, happy party, days off enjoyed with hubby), I still have felt the burden of that number and all it entails in the negative. Yes, I'm not seeing the half-full cup. I'm seeing a cup dribbling out water through cracks caused by time...

Urp. Enough.

So, I got on the scale a few days ago and I had sliipped back into the 270s (271.4). I know a chunk was bloat, so I reweighed today and I was 268.8. But that's still a regain from where I was holding in the lower part of the 260's.

I'm not feeling it. I hate that it takes so much to just get motivated to POST something.

I am having some healthful meals and some not so, but I am making an effort to have more calorie-conscious ones. Here's an example:

This was lunch some days ago (after weighing in high and scaring myself). Clockwise from upper left glass: Coconut water (chilled) to debloat. Mandarin orange cream (a sort of  cross between rice pudding and vanilla yogurt with some orange puree on top, sugar-free and low-cal. Pumpkin spice soup (very low cal). On plate: peas and carrots, basil mashed potatoes, chicken breast in a low-cal creamy lemon sauce (I added more lemon juice). And finally, raspberries and cantaloupe (fresh). All told, it was like 600 calories, little fat, lots of potassium, vitamins, minerals, and some decent fiber. Plus treats for my sweet-tooth.

The meal came from Shapelovers (except the fruit and coconut water). Yesterday, I had their three-cheese spinach lasagna. Today I had a chunky split pea soup (double portion) that came with today's entree (chicken and rice, california medley veggies, mamey flan--which is so nice). Tomorrow, it's Beef Tenderloin in blue cheese sauce. You can see the weekly menu (this week, click to see next week) here.

I notice that tomorrow's dessert is 68 calories. Hm.

I haven't stuck perfectly to their program (no surprise), but it has helped to start putting a curb on the out-of-control chocolate and fast-food fest that got me back in the 270's temporarily. They deliver at 10:30 in the AM roughly, so it forces me to get up early (which I've wanted to do to get more sunlight to improve my mood issues, maybe, cause being on "vampire time" was NOT helping. I never saw the sun hardly, except on my Pilates session days.)

It's amazing to think that come June 30, I will have faithfully doing my Pilates for TWO YEARS. Shoot. That's worth a party. :)

I intend to start Sparking again. I don't feel like it, but I NEED to.

I hate demotivated me. I really do.

Anyway, I also ordered half a dozen electronica/dance/energetic music cds to try and get me up and going. I'm getting desperate to lose this funk. If you're curious what I got, I'll post again about the music. Let me know what music gets you going. Or what else gets you going. Cause I just wanna nap all da time.

A Couple Pics--Hard To Post, too, My Goodness--Of Me In Workout Wear

I'm uploading these to have something for comparison later, as I'm gonna hold on to that optimism that I will transform!

Anyway, I took a side and front view in the sunny garden (lovely day in Miami). Gosh, it's hard to take pics in shorts and sleeveless top. So dorky. But here we go. Me at 268.6.

Front:





Side:



As you can see, I'm an appley gal, lots of midsection fat--especially that protruding belly competing with my boobies (which are flattened by that sports bra, ick. I have some waist noticeable in the front view (Pilates helps with that). But my belly is a huge, huge thing. Less huge than at 299, granted, but still. And my upper arms could well be holiday hams...

I am happy to see my butt lifted with Pilates. It's a good two inches up there, not laying on my upper thighs. It's so much firmer (ditto thighs. And under all that belly fat, I can feel hard muscle. Ditto biceps. :) My butt, btw, used to be this flat square thing hanging down. Now, I have some curve and uplift. Yay, Pilates.

I plan by my fiftieth birthday, February 20, to have progress pics that show real, real progress. Yes, I do.

Yes, I will.

Note: For the larger gals who are just embarking on working out and having a trying time finding workout wear, I used to get mine at Junonia (when I was more like 300 lbs), but I found the tops at Old Navy (t-shirts and other workout type usable ones, like the sleeveless tanks and camisoles I use for Pilates) are way, way cheaper. I get my workout pants (bootcut, shorts, capris) at Danskin Plus (very good quality, I can wear the pants with nice tops). In this pic, I'm wearing a tank I got a Old Navy that stays put when I'm in weird positions in Pilates. The shorts are from Champion Plus. The wide-size aerobics shoes (not walking ones, those I get from Brooks, great for overpronators) are from Ryka. Very flexible for stuff like Kukuwa/salsa cardio. My microfiber undies (good for when you move a lot) are from Avenue. (But I use Junonia's quikwik briefs mostly for long sesions when I sweat a lot, cause they're very comfy and sweat-friendly. I use Goddess and Glamorise sports bras, cause they carry larger sizes.

Princess Pics: Yeah, I'm Really THIS Fat!

I was on my way to Pilates today, wearing my Danskin bootcut pants instead of my capris or shorts due to changing weather (cold front moving in). I had one of my various formish-fitting Old Navy tops for working out: This one a purple racerback that's very comfy. I was used to wearing baggy stuff before I started Pilates. But they recommended form fitting clothing so they can see the muscle contractions, movements, etc. My hair was not so fresh (hadn't washed it in a week), so I clipped it high and back. I cheered myself up a bit by wearing my fave plum lipstick("Craving" by MAC).

Decided to take a pic.

Why?

I'm one of those people who SEES herself thinner in mirrors. It's freaky, but I do. My brain tries to ease the pain, I guess. As a result, I'm always shocked when I see pics on a camera phone or a snapshot and am unequivocably confronted with just how BIG BIG BIG I am.

So, I asked hubby, who was off today, to snap a pic of me with my fat arms uncovered and big belly pushing its unattractive roundness in a shameless display.

Yeah. It's hard to look at. I always get that little horrified spasm when I see my pics. You know, I need that shock. I need it to stay on top of REALITY and not the soft focus version my brain wants to see. Reality is that I'm a grossly large lady. Plus gros.

Okay, so, here's the pic, The Princess in her workout wear in the yard (and that's our poor battered gardenia bush behind me,the one that was sheared in half, then sheared again in hurricanes past):



And, angled to display that belly bulge even better:



I'm a roly poly gal, aren't I? And that's after six and a half months of working out hard. Try to imagine the even rolier and polier squishiness prior to Pilates. Yes, shudder at the image.

Anyway, here's some of my accountability. What a soon-to-be 49 year-old woman looks like when she lets herself go way up into the 270's (and even higher previously).

Lots of room for improvement.

And I think I'm in a hormonal surge time. I've been weepy, though not depressed. Things get to me, like sad news or a touching story--been bawling. Was exercising hard today, and I just started burbling in the middle of some leg lifts (with a band tied around my thighs to make it extra challenging). I just lost it. I kept lifting/kicking, funnily enough, concentrating on the core and keeping the ribs in and stomach contracted and upper ribs just so and so much weight on the arm, etc. And burbling. Tears hitting the mat. Trainer is a bit alarmed, and assures me I'm doing great, even better and stronger than a skinny gal half my age who worked out earlier. I say, "But I feel like I'm struggling so hard." She says, "Cause I'm pushing you, working you to your limits. I'm not letting you take breaks. You're supposed to find it really hard."

I kept going. I finished, but I felt a little silly for being a bawling baby. Then I came home and heard a touching story on the radio and started bawling again. Hubby hugs me and says, "Yeah, get it out. You're having one of those emotional days, huh?"

I'm fine. I'm chipper. But I guess getting my period after a five month absence is really making my tear ducts go into overdrive. :)

I have no idea what the point of all that was, except perhaps that working out hard as heck is good, even if you cry about it, and seeing tough-to-look-at pics is good, even if you want to cry about it, because we shouldn't lie to ourselves.

~~

~

Trying to Add More Activity Into My Life: A State Park Stroll and Swimming is Next

Since I'm still struggling so badly with the caloric containment, I figure I ought to at least work on increasing the movement aspect. I have strength training and flexibility going well with my 3x a week Pilates personal training. I definitely feel stronger and my muscles are firmer.

After nearly 2 decades of being a total couch potato--from bed to chair to sofa to bed, with maybe a few hundred steps taken a day, unless I had errands to run--this is a wonderful difference. I don't want to lose the habit of moving. I know, from all the stats, that I need to move more. Obese folks who are serious about losing fat and keeping weight off tend to have to exercise MORE than normal. That means an hour or more five or more days a week. I'm up to three.

I need more.

The big, fat gaping hole in my exercise plan is not my mouth, it's cardio. I am not working on the sort of movement that gets the heart up to target zone and keeps it there long enough to really get the heart strong. As a person at risk of heart attack and stroke, I need to do that. NEED, not necessarily want.

The main obstacle has been and is my bum left knee, and now my recently-becoming bum right one, and possibly early arthritic left hip (it aches a lot and requires mucho stretching mornings). Being fat is murder on one's lower body joints. Just wears those babies out. Doing anything that requires walking, stepping, etc, in any sort of brisk pace scares me. I do not want to be injured and off my feet.

Fear aside, I did get in about 2 hours of strolling on Saturday. My sis, hubby and I went to Oleta River State Park, which is close to my house. Less than a five-minute drive. I've lived in this neighborhood 11 years and never have visited. That's cause I never was trying to be active, and this is a park frequented by "mountain" bikers, hikers, nature enthusiasts, kayakers and the such. But we went, walked around to see if it would be a good place for my birthday party next month. In all, I was on my feet and moving for a little over two hours, but not at a cardio pace. Still, I was quite happy to get some fresh air, sun, dip my hands into a creek, walk along the small beach, smell the barbecue from assorted family parties, and catch sight of vultures, hawks, seagulls, pelicans (including one curious one with "blonde" feathers on his head), other birds I don't know by name, and, best of all, no snakes or gators. :D When one is obese, any activity is a plus. Saturday was an activity plus for me.

It's also my first outing in shorts (other than for a quick to/fro to my Pilates) in a long, long time. Behold a morbidly obese, middle-aged woman with a gargantuan messenger bag:



My junior high nickname was "Red." My love of red has not abated, as you can see.

As I normally avoid cameras, it must have seemed odd to my hubby that I was like, "Take a pic for the blog!" I said, "Do I look stupid?" He said, "No, you look very happy." I said, "I AM HAPPY!"

I was, too. Which must mean that the funk that was brewing was more related to the stress of having been ill for weeks, rather than a real depression. It has been lifting, off and way. Hurrah! (I am still sleeping 12 hours, so it's not completely gone, or I'm not completely over the physical draining of the illness. Either way, it's a good sign that I can feel happy.)

Back to "being active":

I did a brave, brave thing. Yes, I ordered two bathing suits. Whoa. And goggles. And a swim cap, which will guarantee I'll be the dorkiest swimmer in the city.

There's a pool one block away I've never used. I figure I might try to just paddle around for 20 to 30 mins a couple times a week (when the chill passes) and get my heart rate up without taxing my knees and hip. I haven't been in a pool in more than 20 years. I'm a little anxious about it, especially being in a suit in public. Ick.

I remember when I wouldn't go out without sleeves. Last year, I got over that and have worn a lot of sleeveless camisoles and empire tops out. I did it at first just cause I was exercising and it was my workout wear for Pilates. Later, it was my way of staying cool during hot flashes. Now, while I am still not fully comfortable with my fat flappy arms being exposed, I got over the terror of doing it. One step...

Some of my goals for overcoming fears for the year are water-related: 1. learn to swim properly, rather than just barely/poorly 2. to get over my fear of doing activities on the water, like canoeing or kayaking and 3. to lose enough weight to fit into a kayak so I can get over that fear and 4 to lose enough weight that I can fearlessly wear a skirtless bathing suit.

I've lived in the Sunshine State for 35 years come June, and I really should get to the point where I can take advantage of all this sun and water.

Dontcha think?

What brave thing will you do this year that your fat has kept you from doing?

Let's work toward it!
~~

I Wanna Be A Diet Marine!

I totally loved this slogan in a photo posted by that ever-delightful fatfighting warror, Jennette of Half of Me:



In case your monitor doesn't show it clearly, it says:

The few. The proud. The ones who stick to their diets.

Lord, help me be one of the Diet Marines!

Ooo-Rah!*

~~

*(as my former-Marine pal spells it.)

~

Going Red For Women...and their Hearts

My hubby wore red to work today. Why? Cause he's married to a woman at high risk for heart disease (ie morbidly obese with Metabolic Syndrome). Today is Go Red For Women Day, and my man went red. And looks hot in it, too.

I haven't showered or dressed yet, but I have red lipstick and a red tee ready to go. And red shoes.

I love wearing red--on lips, on toes, in jewelry. RED ROCKS! And I recently bought the most comfortable loafers..and they come in red. Heh. Red cheers me up. (The image is of a tunic I bought last year that I wore for Christmas. And it's great for a Ren Faire.)

Why is awareness-raising necessary? Behold:

Statistics indicate women's risk of breast cancer is trivial compared to their risk of heart disease. Forty-three percent of deaths in American women are due to cardiovascular disease, leaving women six times more likely to die of a heart attack than breast cancer. And a 2003 study by the American Heart Association found only 13 percent of women felt heart disease was their biggest health threat.

If you plan to go shopping today--hurry, time's running out--wear red and you get 15% off at MACY'S. But before you head out, take the Go Red Heart Check-Up.

Here's some heart-healthy reading:



And for the very young woman-to-be in your family (or for the collector, or just for plain fun):



(She also comes in a blond version.)

And if you want to read an interesting book that is contrarian to the common guidelines, get a copy of this dense tome. I found it really intriguing, and if nothing else, it points to the need for a helluva lot more research on what is ultimately the best, heart-healthiest way of eating:

Sharing Some of My Art Collection

--L'Amore by Sara Butcher


The last couple eating days have been weird, not to mention sleeping and everything else. Had to move all the stuff out of my kitchen and dining room to put new flooring, and scrub the floors on my hands and knees, clean the fridge, etc. I could barely walk yesterday and today. Everything from the waist down hurts! The lack of adequate sleep and odd schedule has me eating off plan. Plus, Thursday--pizza binge. Again. I can easily say that's my number one trouble food. But I didn't have anything in the house to make it and it was late and, yes, the only restaurants open late round here are pizza joints and Denny's and IHOPs. And only pizza delivers.

So, today, I woke up after sleeping 9 hours. Nice! And I had a healthy 300 calorie breakfast of egg white and spinach frittata and a raw tomato with parsley and olive oil. Fresh-ground coffee to die for. And I got to enjoy my nice new floor.

Still moving like a hobbled senior citizen, but, that'll pass.

Since my eating has been crap two days running, and I'm breaking out, and I'm holding water, I decided to offer you something much nicer to look at than my ankles at present. :)

A few things from the art I've collected since last year. (Which will have to tide me over for a while, since we got our tax bills and the budget just DIED!)

First, a piece that was my Christmas present last year from hubby. I commissioned it from Sara Butcher, an enormously talented young artist who specializes in Christian (ie, angels and such) and Fantasy (ie fairies, wizards, etc) art. My watercolor came out so nice, a friend of mine commissioned art, too, and than another recommended Sara to her boss, who had her sister memorialized as a stunning angel by Sara in a watercolor. (Makes me emotional to think about it, and it's so lovely a tribute.)

My painting is called "Warrior's Guardian"--the title was chosen by Sara. (click the link to see a LARGER, better image).I merely specified what I wanted in the panting (ie, a large, black-haired angel with a dragon and a knight in each hand.) Here she is:



I spent a mini-boatload on a fabulous golden frame with a pattern that matches that on the angel's bodice. It hangs here, in my office. And when I look at her, I feel so good and calm. She's therapeutic. She's also doctrinally trinitarian. Those of you who are trinitarian will catch what I mean. Everyone else, just notice the pattern of THREEs in the painting--in the buds, the layers of the skirting, in the rings of light, in the birds, etc. There are various sets of three, including, of course, the three central beings: the dragon, the knight, and the angel.

The first image way up top, that's L'Amore by Sara, and I bought that ACEO because it reminded me of hubby and myself, him fair of hair, me dark, and lots of love, love, love!

Another gifted fantasy artist is Carmen Keys. I bought an original watercolor that she'd already painted (not to my specs) because the expression on the elvish lady's face reminded me of my mom, who happened to love both that lavender color and lilies. It's called, fittingly, "DREAM OF LILIES"



I spent a second mini-boatload framing her gloriously. Took a long time to find the right matting colors to suit the color scheme. Probably the toughest color selection for professional framing I've ever had to do. But it came out splendidly. (I need to one day take digital shots of them as they hand on the wall, cause the frames and good matting actually accentuates the beauties of the works.)



At left is an adorable small painting (and ACEO), also by Carmen Keys, and it's called "Afraid of the Dark." I suffered badly from that phobia for years. I'm much better now, thanks.
At right is a cute "sweater fairy" I bought from Natalie Ewert. I wish I could afford some of her Queen of Hearts originals in her Alice In Wonderland series. Love those!

My most recent commission--the artist just sent me the final image via email yesterday--is one based on the character and setting of my Novel-In-Progress. The character is named Selah, and the background skyline is in Miami. The novel is an urban fantasy. But here is Hanna Sandvig's conception of Selah (who lives in a magical, multi-dimensional pseudo-monastery with a particularly attractive and mysterious guardian angel, a place where no one ages and many secrets are kept):



As previously, I specified what I wanted (the scar on her cheek, the color and style of hair, a red blouse, a ghostly moon, a "Gothy" feel to her outfit, a misty environment, an ancient looking stone edifice), but it's Hanna's talent that brought her to life. You can tell that Hanna has a strong "anime" sensibility. Hubby and I occasionally watch anime, and I wanted something in that milieu.

While I couldn't afford new art from Melanie Weidner at this time, I did order several prints from her collection, which you can start to view at the previous link and here. Some prints that I ordered are "Deep Breath," "Opening," "At Home," "Gathering Strength," and "Between Us." I also got the prints set of "The Passion of the Earth" series.

If I were flush with millions, I'd have a house full from top to bottom of art. I really love watercolors best of all, but any really beautiful piece--a collage, an oil painting, a sculpture, etc--they can really make me just feel like bursting. And sometimes light me up when I feel dark. Or give me hope on a hard day.

I have several more fairy/fantasy/angel pieces, but I don't have them all scanned/photographed. I also have three silly-fun Monster By Mail small pieces by Len Peralta (who started doing these to raise money for his latest child's birth, and she was born days ago!) You can see Len creating my "Botticelli's Birth of Venus Zombie" and my "Tormented Female Novelist Alien at South Beach Cafe" at YouTube. The latter features a fun, bouncy tune. Len also did my Halloween present to my husband--a sort of vampiric alter-hubby.

If you want to buy something really special for a loved one, consider art. You support an artist and you get something gorgeous. Win/Win. Even if all you can buy is a $15 print, it's a lovely thing. And some artists, like Sara Butcher, are doing philanthropic stuff for the holidays. (Sara is giving $1 from each bookmark sold to the homeless.My angel painting is offered in bookmark form, and I ordered some. Also, a gorgeous one called "Blues of Winter" is a terrific choice. Cool and graceful for the season.)


What do you collect that makes you happy and feel a little "bigger" inside?

Behold: The Princess as the Years Roll By

In case any of y'all wonder what I look like.

I hate taking pics. Even when I was a normal weight teen I hated it, cause, basically, I have tiny eyes and no cheekbones and tetracycline stained teeth from my multiple bouts of illnesses as a child, during my formative teeth years. Above is a snapshot my BIL took of me and my darling boo at our wedding, where I didn't allow a pro photographer, even having to argue about it with my beloved mom who wanted one. That was in 1983 and I weighed 154 lbs and wore a size 14/16. Hubby, as you can see, was the handsomest groom ever. (I am biased and I admit it. But he's dang cute--then and now!)

Probably one of my fave snapshots of me is below. I was 29 and I loved that hairdo and color. My hair was dyed jet black, though I'm too old for it now, dang. (I may go really darker, close to black, next time. To hell with the rules.) I weighed about 180, so my face was much slimmer, not to mention I actually had a jawline (still no cheekbones--I envy people with cheekbones):


I still have those earrings that my sister gave me. LOVE em!


This is a pic from August of 2000, when one of my online pals (we met online in 1996) visited Miami and we went out to dinner in a Coral Gables restaurant. I had come from visiting my mom, who was in the hospital (and it was my sister's turn to spend the night with her). I weighed about 260 there. My friend's visit lifted my spirits:



Now, at 47, I'm not digging the effects of time and gravity. The camera makes me cringe. Eh. Could be worse. This is a pic of me taken last week:

Hubby took the above pic at a museum exhibit using his camera phone. I had asked him to bring the digital cam to get good shots of the masterworks, but they didn't allow flash, and the camera battery went kaput, anyway. I was very happy. I love art and I love hubby and I love my sister, and so it was a day when I felt very loved and very full of life, even if I had slept little and my face was puffy from salt retention. I was about 278 there, and 2 lbs of that was water retention.

This is my handsome groom today:



He's lost about 30-35 lbs in the last couple years, and now I want to slim down and look hotter for my snooky. We'll celebrate our 25th anniversary next June. By then, I'd love to fit into a much smaller dress size for our big celebratory bash.

So, did I look anything like what you expected?

~~~