New Blog Updated: Watch The "Self-Hate" Talk AKA Hate the Fat but Love the Fatty (especially if that fatty is you)

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Watch The "Self-Hate" Talk AKA Hate the Fat but Love the Fatty (especially if that fatty is you)

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The Damage Done, The Challenge(s) Ahead, and an Award

Okay, so I step on the scale after an absence from weighing-in and from regular posting: 272.0 lbs.

So, lower than my last official weigh-in of 272.4, less than what I started the challenge (which was almost 274.) But not as low as I should be, sure. (Slaps self.)

I thought it was gonna be worse, honestly. After weeks of being lax with the eating plan. It's 2 lbs over the lowest weigh-in (post-challenge at the end of August 270.2, which I never posted).

So...I have made no weight loss progress THIS year. I'm at the weight I waas 1/28/08.

Ah, well.

I didn't get back in th e 280's, which I would be, or higher, if I hadn't been vigilant. I totally understand how hard it is to maintain now. I'm nowhere near goal, but maintaining a 27 lb loss has been work, all the same. NOT gaining is hard. Not as hard as losing for me, but still hard.

Wow. No wonder even folks who have had gastric bypass have trouble keeping to their lowest weights, no wonder there is some regain. This is tough stuff.

Anyway...

I want to be in the 260's so bad, I'm even tempted to join Angie's no-wimps challenge. But my inner wuss hesitates.

I do want to join CCs Christmas challenge. I can't believe the year is almost over and Christmas looms! It would be lovely to be in the 250s (okay, 250 period) for Christmas and to start the New Year with less than 100 lbs to lose.

I want to get a new phone (Blackberry or iPhone) and learn to take and upload phone pics. I love when folks take pics of their healthful meals and upload them. I'd like to learn to do that (tech-idiot that I am). Check out Diana's "no name" tortilla lasagna-ish one. The Incredible Shrinking Katschi does this photomeal thing wonderfully!

I also really need to find a workable aerobics regimen. I'm doing the stretching and the toning (and my very sore abdominals--all of them, lower, upper, obliques-- and achey muscles under my armpits and in my upper back are proof that I worked hard yesterday at Pilates), but the good-for-the-heart work has been non-existent. I have no excuse other than two crappy knees for not doing it. I can find something low-impact and put up with the boredom. Yes, I could.

Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.

Just trying to get positive there.

I'm not feeling the motivation mojo, but I'm gonna be talking to myself a lot today as I make my meals and do some household chores.

So, 272 lbs. Goal for September 30: 268. I need to get out of the '70s. :)

I'd like to thank Chubby Chick for a nifty new award. I don't know how deserving I am (given how "in absentia" I've been of late). She named good encouragers, some of whom are encouragers right here, to me; so I won't be redundant. And really, those of you who post here and give me a boost up, you're my encouragers, and I thank you all. I will pick a few names to carry on the bloggy awardiness vibe (ie, to pass it on to their encourages)--

Zanitta
Lyn
Shanna
Chrissie


As we enter a new season next week, may the excess fat "fall" off our bodies and may the holidays be bright, shiny carrots in front of our faces, urging us eagerly on to better ways of eating and moving and thinking and living.

Onward and Downward!

Royal Fatfighting Tools-- #5: Managing Thoughts

As if it weren't hard enough to manage food and manage time and manage movement, one thing that can't be left out of the fatfighting arsenal is...managing thoughts.

I don't know about you--I can only guess!--but I know that I can have a slew of pessimistic, defeatist thoughts.

"I never finish anything, I won't finish this."

"I'm weak."

"This is too much to handle."

"I can't resist pizza!"

"I hate exercising."

"I don't have the energy to do this."

"I want X. I want X. I want X. I gotta have X."

But to win at losing, managing thoughts is the only way to manage actions, because all actions begin with a desire, and all desires find form in some thought, no matter how basic. Even if it's only a mental "yes" to something to which we need to give a mental "no."

Ultimately, we are what we think and think and think again. So, to become who we want to become, managing thoughts is essential, whether it's about one's spiritual path, one's marital unity, one's artistic endeavors, one's politics, one's relationships...or one's weight loss success or failure:

Identify self-sabotaging thoughts. Pay attention to your negative thinking. Are you saying to yourself "This is too difficult," "I'll never be able to lose this much weight," or "I'm too tired." Remember, the goal is to MANAGE these thoughts when they pop up.

--from Life Coach Lorri Molinari

To defeat my fat, I have to defeat my fat thinking.

I'm getting slowly, slowly better at it. I do notice that I talk more positively to myself (a big difference than in times past). And as a result, I feel more positive these days. When I make bad choices, I don't spend the rest of the day in a funk, telling myself off in nasty terms. I forgive myself and say, "I'm not giving up. My next choice will be better."

It's a hard process to change the internal thoughtscape. It's really hard when one is middle-aged and has spent a life with a lot of self-criticism and even self-loathing.

But it's happening. Little by little, I'm thinking differently. I'm befriending my brain and spirit. I'm being kinder to myself, and I'm taking a new perspective as a habit.

It's still not automatic.

I do think I will invest in professional cognitive behavioral therapy. Right now, I'm spending so much on good, organic food and personal exercise training, that there's no moolah for therapy. But it's on my agenda for, I hope, next year. I have to find a good, solid practitioner and have the focus for it, but I do believe it's a necessary next step for my own healing of habits.

I don't want to lose a significant amount of weight only to regain it because I didn't learn the skills necessary for long-term success:

It is widely recognized that the development of behavioral and cognitive skills learned during weight loss is critical to successful maintenance. Indeed, lacking coping and problem-solving skills appear to be important factors in weight regain after a loss.

--from the Weight Watchers article "Mind Skills for Lasting Weight Loss."

One of the thoughts I'm "losing" is the, "Oh, well, I pigged out already today, so might as well have whatever I want. The day is shot."

That's defeatist. That's a bad mental habit.

Another thought I'm working on losing: "I feel low. I feel blue. I need to feel better. Pizza makes me feel better. I deserve a pizza."

That's self-indulgent. That's a bad mental habit.

When I feel blue (as I have had periodic depressions since childhood), I need to replace eating with exercise (which elevates mood) or singing (which gets oxygen in there and can elevate mood) or calling a sister or praying or reading an escapist novel or anything that's not fattening and can help me through the blues.

But the thought must come first: "No, eating will make me feel better for a little while, but going for a walk or doing some Pilates moves will make me feel better all day." or "No, eating will only add to my problems, not solve them. I need to do something creative with my blues. I'm gonna write a poem. I'm gonna write a song. I'm gonna express my feeling with a collage."

It takes time to learn new rituals of thought, healthful ones. It's worth it, no?

Identify your self-sabotaging thoughts and stop them from entering your head. The best way to do this is to stop being overly critical of yourself. When you think you can not do something, you probably will give up before you even try. If you do not think you can do 30 sit-ups, then do 10 and feel good that you did 10. You can probably do one extra sit-up each day until you reach 30. Identifying why something makes you feel bad can help prevent those situations in the future.

--from "7 Methods to Lose Weight by Thinking Yourself Thin"

Pay attention to your thinking today. Have you said unkind things to yourself? Have you been harsh? Have you been self-indulgent? Have you fueled your tempting thoughts? Or have you been positive? Have you used mental strategies to avert overeating today? Have you used mental affirmations to get your body moving? Did you congratulate yourself heartily when you chose well?


How are you managing your thoughts today?

Go Away, Goblin and Ogre! Hello, Mercy!

I see from my comments to yesterday's post that both Chubby Chick and Lady T had the Overeating Ogre and the Gobbling Goblin paying them visits.

They get around, don't they?

To all those struggling: God's blessing upon you this day. He loves us, fat or thin. He listens, happy or sad.

Be good to yourself. Be kind to your spirit. Don't abuse yourself with cruel talk. Say, "I am able to overcome all things. I am powerful. I am a person of worth and value. Food does not define me. Neither does fat. It's just one more hurdle to overcome. And we will overcome."

Eat fruits and veggies. Drink your water. Sing a happy song. Go for a stroll and breathe open air.

And if you overcame your pangs yesterday or do overcome them today, let me know what you did.

Special shout-out to Scale Junkie, who's been there. Paint my nails, huh? :)