Catching Diet Tribe on On Demand

I caught Diet Tribe on Comcast On Demand. I'm enjoying it, especially the part with the therapist. It's cool that she was obese once, so she knows it's tough.

I have to say that Shawna is getting on my last nerve. I really want to well-up with empathy, but I'm watching her and have known gals like her--manipulative. The little girl voice saying the cutting thing so it doesn't seem like the cutting thing. The turning stuff so she's the center of attention. The girl may not even realize how manipulative and controlling and whiny and attention-seeking she is, but there it is. On my nerves.

On the other hand, I really like Megan. Her meeting with the therapist was really tough to hear, but she's eloquent and honest about her issues.

I do think the trainer had them doing stuff than no 280 pound woman should do--like the tire run and some other maneuvers that can only strain knees and ankles when said knees and ankles are carrying the weight of two people. I got so ticked at him when Morgan hurt herself. Good tv drama is not always good health-building--like with the drastic caloric curtailment and water pills some have used to make the TBL final weigh in lower.

On the happier side:

I got a serious yum-craving for those stuffed mushrooms Morgan made for their indoor picnic. Mushrooms and cheese--two of my favest things. I'm gonna get the fixings for them next time I shop. If you want the recipe--and it's 35 calories per stuffed mushroom--here it is: Four-Cheese Stuffed Mushrooms.

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Healthy Eating Mindset

Lyn has a terrific post today. Read it.

I'm still not squarely into the mindset I want (ie, the healthy eating one), but I'd say I'm halfway there. I say this because I've felt calmer this year about food than I have in years. I've pretty much been maintaining, but I notice a difference in how I react and feel. So, I'm moving toward that calm beach that Lyn talks about so beautifully.

Some of us get to the calm beach faster than others. Clearly, I'm a lollygagger. But I do feel it, and am aware of how both hubby and I have gravitated toward healthier eating with much more naturalness than before.

I still have binge days. I still have huge temptations, but they don't seem to be as huge as before. I mean, the mere SIZE and FREQUENCY has changed, and the satisfaction is nowhere near the same.

When I shop for groceries now, my shopping cart (or delivery coolers) hold mostly produce and low-fat dairy, much fewer processed foods and sometimes nothing that counts as "empty calories." Portion control continues to be my weak spot. My choices of food itself--greens, brown rice, fresh fruits, low-fat treats, sprouted whole grain breads, lean proteins, low-fat to fat free dairy, omega-rich eggs, organic and humane foods, more raw foods, nuts, seeds--has improved dramatically in the past year.

The biggest difference has been home-centered meals. We used to eat out or get take-out every day. No kidding. We spent a fortune eating out. We could have bought 2 cars, cash, for what we spent eating out. Now, I spend a lot on organic groceries, but I cook it at home, have leftovers, have lunch for hubby to brown-bag, have one diet meal delivered 4 to 5 days a week for myself, and it's still less than eating out. And much more "thought out." I can control the fat. I avoid frying. I can control salt. I can double up on veggies. I can make sure hubby makes it to his minimum 5 fruits/veggies. I aim for anywhere from 8 to 10, and am happiest when I have 11 or 12, frankly. (Makes for wonderful, non-stinky regularity in the loo when I surpass 9 f/v's. TMI?)

I consider this considerable progress from the previous two decades. It's been a gradual, subtle, gentle, and ongoing trek, with occasional setbacks. But I feel the change. And I noticed the power of food when I got my sugar down 20 points just by making dietary changes without drugs or even weight loss (other than a couple pounds). Food is potent. Food choices make for physical alterations.

So, gradual progress toward a healthy mindset--it's all good.

I'll take it.

I look forward to the days when those healthy mindset days are the norm and food is nothing to think about unduly.

Amen.

Tyranny of Skinny Ideal

I had a really "feel good" day yesterday, despite only sleeping 5 hours. (I only got five last night, too, cause I was up till 4 am doing some work.) I had energy like I hadn't had in a long while, and I felt...vivid! I decided my mood needed something vibrant, so I washed and straightened my hair into a glossy waterfall, painted my toenails an orange-red, and put on my summeriest lipstick--Manhunt, which looks orangey-red on me, though I already got my man--with some Lychee Luxe lipglass on top for extra shine. I felt glowy.

My Pilates teacher said she noticed I was walking differently, looked brighter, and seemed slimmer.

Heh.

So, on with the tortuous, but satisfying workout. During a point where my trainer was adjusting some springs on the Reformer, I looked over to the corner with the ladder barrel, where an impossibly slender and tall creature of blessed looks (must be another model, I swear) was leaning on the barrel, pushing disgustingly at the non-existent fat on her thighs. I kid you not. This gal only had the amount of fat humans need to live and no more. But her face in that mirror was disapproving.

What was she disgusted with?

You know how when you sit there is that downward pressure that makes your body spread a bit. It's normal. Has to happen. Gravity, weight, pressure--it's impossible not to have SOME thigh spread when you lean your weight back on your lower body, pressing against leather. Flesh gives.

Well, she judged herself so harshly for being human.

Mind you, she was a very pretty, very very thin, very tall human with legs a couple miles long. Most women would give a few toes and fingers and maybe an ear to have her figure.

She judged herself nonetheless.

How crazy is that?

I look in the mirror at the gym and feel horror, but I'm misshapen from an assortment of ills and bad habits. That gal was not. She should have been reveling in her near-perfection.

I think one day she'll be 68 and look at a photo of herself at this age (20's) and think, "Geesh. I was a hottie. I was SKINNY. Why the hell did I think something was wrong with me?"

I know I look at pics of myself in high school, when I felt so very ugly and chubby, and I think, "Um, not THAT bad. I wish I was that weight now."

I was 135 at my lowest, mostly around 139. Magazines told me I should be 120, 123 tops. I remember that number: 123. It was the Holy Grail back then for me in th 70's. I did yoga. I biked. I never got below 135. I hated, loathed, hated my body for it.

Unless I get some wasting disease or an eating disorder, I'll never be under 135. And now, I'll be happy to be under 200, and delirious to be under 175.

Perspective. Changes everything.

I'm trying to enjoy what I can do now, even if the mirror sometimes scares me. I woke up today and didn't toss on some baggy cotton tee. I treated myself with care. I put on a sexy black plunging v-neck tank top and decided to start being kinder to the me in the mirror, while I work harder at becoming healthier.

Cause, you know, I ain't getting yesterday back, or this last minute I spent typing here. Or my high school weight (realistically.)

And sometimes, when I was in the moment, I had such a warped attitude and judged myself harshly because some stupid ass magazines and charts said the right number was 123 or less. I berated myself. I was cruel to ME.

Internally, in my mind, in my spirit, I became my own enemy.

That fresh, slim, flexible, fit young woman at the studio was, for that moment, in that mirror, her enemy.

And it made me sad.

She's missing this moment, this moment when God blessed her with beauty and health and a body that fits the social ideal so perfectly. She is at a peak--and she's letting it get away in those moments of self-disgust and self-judging.

I'm too old (maybe a bit mature) to have felt spasms of envy (as I might have 10 years ago). A sense of regret at never having known what it felt like to be like THAT, yes, but nothing dark.

I felt mad, too, that we impose such harsh expectations on women. Damn.

So, I should treat this me that I am now with some mercy, cause when I'm 68, I might look back in a pic and think, "I wasn't as horrible as I thought," and I might wish to be this age again.

Encourage a Dieting Friend: An E-Card

Our Lady of Weight Loss--an art-oriented, humor-filled, motivational site for those on the journey to fat loss--has e-cards you can send.

Know a pal online who needs a dose of motivational art and humor?

There's a great e-card at left. It's the "Love Thyself" card, and the little scribblngs say:

"Exercise is my middle name."
"Yes, I can."
"Fruit over cake."
"No matter what, I'll stay the course."
"Love Thyself."

~~and my fave of all:

"I do not accept delivery of my ancestors' fat genes."

While the e-card is free, there are cool greeting cards and motivational objects for sale, and I just bought a bunch of them.

I especially am wild about the one at right. It's not ARTISTICALLY the neatest one. But the message is spot on. When you make a mistake. When you eat that bit of crap food. When you go over your calorie count. Sit, take a breath, assess the whys of it. Think of strategies for future avoidance and triumph. But, most of all, remember to say:

"All is Forgiven. MOVE ON."

Don't get ovewhelmed. Don't get depressed. Don't beat yourself into a bloody psychological pulp. "All is forgiven." You are human. You are complex. You have to struggle and strive. "Move on."

I am human. I am complex. I must struggle. And I must strive.

And I must move on.

Love that. Good to remember. Always, keep moving on. Leave the guilt and shame behind and MOVE ON and tackle the next snack, the next meal, the next hour, the next day, the next weigh in.

ALL IS FORGIVEN...Move on.

Sparkly Factoid: Slimming Scent

Among the men tested, neither odor 1 (citrus floral) nor odor 2 (sweet pea & lily of the valley) seemed to affect the perception of weight. However, odor 3 (floral and spice) significantly reduced the perception of the woman’s weight by an average of 4.1 pounds. More remarkably, those men who found the floral and spice odor to be pleasant perceived the woman to be a full 12 pounds less than her actual weight.

--from article "Special Odor Reduces Perceived Weight Up To 12 Pounds"

(hat tip to Scentsability blog)

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