New Blog Updated: I wanted to Dive Into a Bar of Chocolate: I watched THIS Instead...

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Please update your links/follows to new blog: Two Years To Happy Weight After

Thanks. Have a healthy Monday!

New Blog Upates: AAAARGH...What Would a Pirate on a Diet Say on TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY?

Well, I have ten ideas about that:

AAAARGH...What Would a Pirate on a Diet Say on TALK LIKE A PIRATE Day

Madagascar 2: Big And Chunky featuring Moto Moto and will.i.am

Someone loves us the way we are, plumpy and chunky.

This song rocks. I can't stop playing it. Hat tip to CC of Journeying to Lose 200 Pounds.

I'm gonna dance with my chunky self.

Weighty Sayings: Sheldon on Body Mass

I'm a huge fan of THE BIG BANG THEORY television program. I'm wild about super-smart, socially-inept, brutally honest Sheldon. He cracks me up like nobody!

If you watch the show and are overweight, you couldn't miss the brief inclusion of a weight-related conversation in a car where Sheldon is out with Penny (a cute blond living across the hall from the two scientists who are the show's leads). Her reaction to that number--a number we could only DREAM of--and his obliviousness to an ongoing cultural-social weight issue is telling of our dysfunction:

Sheldon: This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you...
Penny: 120?!?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?

--from Season 1, Episode 4 (The Luminous Fish Effect)

Out of the mouths of...geniuses?

~

What's That On My Arm?

Yesterday, I was reclining on the couch in the evening, just reading a magazine, and I reached up absent-mindedly to scratch my arm.

I felt something odd.

I hitched up my sleeve, looked down, felt around, wondering, "What the heck was that I just felt?"

I mean, I'm middle-aged. Visions of cancer are always in the periphery.

False alarm.

It was... a muscle.

Stop laughing.

Okay, go ahead. Chuckle. I did.

I'm not used to having muscles. Nearly four months of Pilates, and I have fricken BICEPS MUSCLES. I have muscles--all hard under the too generous flesh--in my thighs. My abdomen has hard bits under the flab.

Interesting.

~

I Wanna Be A Diet Marine!

I totally loved this slogan in a photo posted by that ever-delightful fatfighting warror, Jennette of Half of Me:



In case your monitor doesn't show it clearly, it says:

The few. The proud. The ones who stick to their diets.

Lord, help me be one of the Diet Marines!

Ooo-Rah!*

~~

*(as my former-Marine pal spells it.)

~

Oh, Lawdy! Pilates Farting!

Yes, you read that subject heading right.

During my second private training session today, during a particularly brutal abdominal exercise, I tooted.

Sorry. Embarrassing.

Fortunately, NOT stinky. I'd had organic scrambled eggs on organic pita with home-made fresh organic watermelon juice for breakfast, low-fat cream of mushroom soup (from Shape Lovers) with extra organic crimini mushrooms and a pear and a low-fat, sugar free pudding-y dessert for lunch. I didn't eat for 3 hours before class (afraid of reflux, frankly, during those flat on my back moves).

I didn't think about the other exit. Ahem.

Out of curiosity, I googled "Pilates fart" and there were lots of hits. Even YouTube.com has an entry. One instructor has some interesting posts on how to avoid passing gas by 1. avoiding specific foods prior to class and 2. concentrating on doing the abdominal moves precisely, correctly. Trust me. Gonna read those several times. :)

But the one that really cracked me up was this practitioner's report of a work-out post-burrito munching. It's hilarious.

Yes, I am definitely not alone in these embarrassing moments.

My thanks to Liza (my trainer) for being so reassuring about it, so that my social discomfort was blessedly brief.

Again, the session was tough, and one position was simply impossible in the normal manner due to my big belly, so it was modified (instead of pulling legs up straight, I parted my knees and brought them up more spread apart). The modification helped immensely.

It's also evident my balance sucks. I expect that to improve.

I did have that awkward feeling when I first walked in and everyone was slim and the client ahead of me training with Liza was all-out stunningly gorgeous. (Professional model, I was told when I mentioned how lovely she was.) Willowy, a perfect face with prominent cheekbones. I felt like a mangy, fat, old sow.

I know, that's really negative. but I did.

Still, my trainer kept me going and she was great and I paid in advance for 11 more sessions, three times a week.

The Kimmer Komic

Erik Sansom has created a comic (like your newspaper comics) that would be funnier if it wasn't so very true.

Check it out HERE.

The Princess is...A BLOGGING STAR!

Well, that's not an egotistical decree from the royal throne here. That's Chubby Chick's assessment. And I am cheered to bits and honored to accept.

I get to pass along the honor--hey, paying it forward is alive and well in blogdom!--and so, herewith, her royal highness, The Princess Dieter, bestows the grand blessing and title of BLOGGING STAR to the following two bloggers:

Lady T, who is pretty, has cheekbones to die for, is sassy, has lost oodles of weight, and who has the good taste to like "Shackles" by Mary, Mary. Plus, hey, she made a frittata that made my mouth water. She's also very honest about her diet foibles and her life journey booboos and her addiction to sherbet. Honesty is a virtue much admired in the the blogdom of Once Upon a Diet. Lady T--who already has an aristocratic title, so I needn't endow her with one--is a Blogging Star of the Diet Domain. Everyone, bow and curtsey toward her direction, please.

Zanitta, who has a smile that lights up her bloggy world and who has bravely ventured forth into adventurous travels to lands far and full of sodium. She is not foiled by the inability to read labels. She forges on, cooking with courage and trying new foods with good cheer. I bet she can face down a platter of sea urchin without gagging. (urp) Not even laundry disasters can knock her off her mighty steed. Plus, she's lost more weight than me. (bow, bow) I hereby dub thee, Lady Z, fair maiden of Albion and dieting travel guide to the Far East.

And if you want to see some other Blogging Stars, just visit my sidebar for Diet Blog Royalty. There they are...some of my faves--Teale, Andrea, CCC, Lady Rose (hey, she's got a title and all!), Flabuless, Pasta Queen, Heather of Setting Her Free, Lisa of the Skinny Online, Lyn who's escaping obesity, and on and on and on. Click the links and meet them--if you haven't already.

We're all blogging stars, BABY. We're all PRINCESSES!

Well, except for the guys. Um. You're princes. :)

~~

Most Fun Anti-Kimkins Site Bar None!

I am literally having to reach for my asthma inhaler. This had my husband coming into the office to see what was up, cause I was ROARING with laughter. Now, I wheeze.

Borat Does Kimkins

The voice is perfect. I read it out loud--between bellows of hilarity--in the 'Borat' voice. If you've seen the Borat film, do it in Borat voice out loud. Trust me. It adds to the fun.

I cannot wait for the next Borat/Kimkins post. All that laughing and rolling burns calories!

Plus, with all the dire Kimkins stuff, the humor is a healthy tonic.

Edited 9/22 to Add: If you want more Kimmer-humor, visit the amusing Ozzified recap at Psychic Rations. Go on, burn those calories with guffaws.