New Blog Updated: Intuition combined with Restraint? I guess that's how I see it...

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New Blog UPdated: Grappling and Taking Down the Emotional Monster

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Grappling and Taking Down the Emotional Monster

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A Seeming New Phase In Relationship To Food at Summer Slimmin' Challenge's End...

So, I didn't meet my challenge goal of 250 lbs. I ended up just maintaining since I last checked in, more or less. 258.8 Thursday weigh-in, the final day of the Summer Slimmin' Challenge.

Began challenge: 267.6
Ended challenge: 258.8

Loss: 8.8 lbs

I am at fault, of course, for not meeting my goals. We are each at fault, when it comes down to it, when we don't give something our all. I simply did not consistently hold up to the challenge suggestions.

BUT...I did end up losing weight and getting into a new "decade" and trying some new stuff strategy/foodwise, and I ended up feeling oddly, mostly calm. Not feeling edge or bingey for most of it. In fact, I feel a lot more calm in general about my eating and I've found myself saying no more easily to pizza, even when I want it. I just have said no with more ease.

Ease.

Well, how much that will continue, who can say? I deeply hope it's part of a larger trajectory towards a better, more healthful weight for me, a place below 200 eventually, but I don't feel rushed, like I do occasionally when I feel like joining a challenge (where I have always lapsed). Lord in Heaven knows there have been plenty of "losers" who think they won the battle only to regain and find, oops, no they didn't. So, I don't ever think my battle will be over, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting used to the warrior mindset. Not "in full battle mode" warrior, but the warrior in the less intense war zone who still has to be vigilant and make progress. I think maybe I should strive to be a more active, right in the midst of it warrior. But I think that's just not me. I'm a meanderer, not a fighter.

a fat-sorta-fighter? hah.

Whatever, I have not made any great strides in changing behavior other than simply feelng less prone to stuff my face, feeling more prone to leave stuff on the plate and for leftovers, feeling more inclined to DECLINLE inviations to danger zones (read fave Italian and Mexican restaurants).

We do have a gift certificate to a highly rated pasta place and that will be an interesting challenge, as pasta IS one of my danger foods (very easy to just go hog wild when the plate is in your face). But I'm going to assess myself before going (or reschedule). I do plan to have a protein shake BEFORE I leave to sort of take the edge off my appetite. Then, let's see how THAT goes.

I like this non-frantic about food place. I do wish I were not merely maintaining and were more diligent about tracking, water, and more consistent with exercising on non-training days. But I just feel more hopeful, like before year's end, I can lose another 10 to 15 pounds, maybe even 20. That pace would be painfully slow for some, but 4 or 5 pounds a month would be significant in the long run and would put my mind more at ease about my skin having a chance to rebound.

I really continue to get freaked if I try to think about the skin hanging issue to come (and some already here). So, I don't overthink it. I just let myself think in terms of slowness--even if it means years--and keep using good oils and creams to keep skin soft, and keep taking my vitamins to nourish the whole of me, hoping I can have some snap back...

In time, I hope I am so much lighter that I will then have to consider the surgical implications. BUT....perhaps the slow turtle can hope that the skin adapts even a bit. I keep talking to my skin at bedtime, after I've used my Parisian huile de soin after my shower, after I've put the MSM cream on my batwings, thighs, and belly: Please, please, just pull yourself together, be elastic for me, will you, and knit yourself into a smaller size.

My skin may not be listening, but then, the human mind and body are strange, strange things. Maybe it is.

So, me and food are being quite polite to each other and I am not feeling antsy. For now, this is a blessing.

I missed my challenge goal, but I am glad I dipped into it. I'm lighter than when I went into it in June, lighter by just under 9 pounds.

Know what that means: I will look into another challenge. I'll likely meander through that one, too, but if I learn something, advance in my relationship with food, and lose some weight, even if not my goal of loss, the challenge is a success for me.

For my fellow challengers---hope you got something good out of it.

Thanks to Z for organizing it, even if her puter went kaput in the last weeks...

Dieter Tolerance: Letting People Do It Their Way Without Neener-Boos

Let me say up front that, like most human creatures, I have a critical streak and a judgmental birthmark. We all have it--fess up, you know it!

But one thing I wish we could have more of in this fatfighting microcosm online is tolerance for the way each person feels they need to journey toward a better weight and better health.

Not every body, every mind, every emotional situation is the same. Some people will never understand those of us who do emotional binge eating. I will never understand people who can tolerate liquid protein fasts or, egads, puke up meals. (I have a serious pukephobia. I'd lay in bed trying hard to not puke even as a kid with stomach flu. I hate the sensation of food and bile coming right back up my throat. How do bulimics do that???)

But I can UNDERSTAND that we got fat--and STAY fat-- for more reasons than just "ate too much". Ate too much is fundamental--more calories than our bodies can handle and we gain weight. That's the basic layer, the thick heavy poured-out root of the structure.

But physiologically, some people handle sweets and carbs better and others are absolutely sent off on highs and lows and binges by them. Some livers handle things better than other livers. Some of us have non-functional (or minimally-functional) thyroid glands, and others have normal or hyper ones. Some of us got put on appetite-increasing (but essential) medications, and maybe others got on needed (or elective) medications that revved up metabolism or reduced appetite. Some folks are tall and some short, some male, some female, some mushy and some muscular, so some can eat more than others even with activity rates factored in. Some of us have moral issues for or against eating meat --or how animal products are raised and  butchered--and some of us have environmental concerns about pesticides or responsible farming and others don't. Some have tight budgets and some lavish ones. Some of us suffer from depressions that, rather than curtailing appetites (gee, why couldn't I have THAT version), have depressions that send us self-medicating with food to raise mood. Some of us had parents who took effort to make healthful, low-caloric meals. Some of us had moms and grandmoms who were food pushers. Some of us were abused and castoff, some of us were nurtured and valued. Some of us thrive on exercise, love it like some love a glazed donut; others hate to sweat and would rather have dental surgery than go to the gym. Some of us have terrible joint pain upon movement, so moderate to vigorous exercise can prove excruciating. Some of us have high-stress cranking out the cortisol, others have more leisurely lives. Some of us have to cook for various people in a household with various tastes, some only need to cater to a couple, or just to ourselves.

I was reading Lyn's excellent blog, and she's apparently getting grief about Medifast as a diet choice and its sustainability lifelong.

Well, I'll say this: I am leery of packaged foods diets a la Nutrisystem, MediFast, Jenny Craig, ONLY cause I really do think that natural food is generally better for us and fresh organic even moreso, and because I am concerned about hefty caloric restriction causing metabolic issues (which I suspect is at the heart of some gastric bypass folks regaining weight on much lower caloric levels than normal).

But ya know, we're different and we gotta try different things to learn how we handle stuff. And we gotta realize none of us is the expert about another person's life and body.

I would even try something like Medifast or Jenny Craig in order to LEARN about my body and self and nutrition, etc. I might not keep doing it or like it, but I think every diet can teach us something. Lyn has learned a lot on MediFast, and while the pics of MediFast food grosses me out, she's losing weight and feeling great and she realizes she does better on low carb. Period.

For people to start harping about sustainability isn't going to help. And what we fatfighters want is HELP, not the critical gallery. If Lyn had been doing, say, old Kimkins, with 500 to 800 calories and minimal fat and not enough nutrients, I'd say, "Hey, girl, you're damaging your body with starvation levels of calories and not enough nutrition. You're gonna go bald and have metabolic slowdown!"

But as long as she is well-nourished (and she is) and she's feeling health and emotional improvements, who the hell am I to neener-bo her?

No, I am too busy neener-booing myself. :)

What I need from you , what I really want, if you're willing, is the good word that's gonna be the wind at my back to move me along, even if just a little, towards my goals.

If you don't have that good word: move along. I don't need a downer.

Please, when you visit assorted blogs, even if you have misgivings about the ultimate success of A, B, or C diet or weight loss technique (and let's all laugh through our tears together at how ineffective just about all of them have been for most Americans so far in terms of sustainable losses), as long as the person is not anorexic, bulimic, or doing something patently nuts, let's give them a cheery "I wish you well; I'm rooting for you." And if you have a good, solid, positive tip in your own successful journey, go for it.

If a plan or technique fails for someone, it will be evident soon enough. That's life. But it's really kinda a bummer, not to mention not at all helpful, to be told "Oh, you can't keep that up. You're gonna fail."

How does that help? Hmm?

Let people try stuff. Let people ride their wind. And if they fail, then help them get back up.

The world has enough neener-booboos.

Now, that's not to say we shouldn't HAVE DISCUSSIONS in general about this stuff--what we see might be dangerous, fallacious, ill-advised. I do believe in informed consent re lap bands and gastric bypass. But as long as people know the pros and cons (of diets, of training equipment, of particular supplements or foods, etc), if they wanna go ahead, then let's give them the cheerleader's rah-rah. We should want EACH OF US TO SUCCEED. We should wish for it. Pray for it.

And we should want the dieting odds to be beaten to a bloody pulp in every case.

So, like so many others are doing for the summer, I'm taking on a summer slimming challenge. Do challenges help ultimately? I dunno. Maybe to refocus us on good habits for weight loss and to get support. But I know it's better to keep fighting and trying than to just look at the bad odds (98% of dieters fail) and say, "Oh, well, might as well order a double-meat pizza."

Here's to everyone trying to get healthier and slimmer. I want you to win, and I want to win, too.

What Have You Done Today To Make You Feel Proud?-- That "Biggest Loser" Song

I made a healthful breakfast this morning, including 3/4 fresh juice and an egg-white scramble with 5 servings of veggies (zucchini, spinach, onions, green pepper, mushrooms). I made hubby a fresh and healthful lunch to keep him shiny and handsome.

And I'm gonna start writing again after ages of not doing so. It's National Novel Writing Month, so why not? A good time to jump back in.

I'm feeling good, and I want to feel proud at the END of this day, having done my best to eat for health and move for health and think affirmatively.

We need a change
Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising
We need a change
So do it today
'Cause I can see a clear horizon

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?

--song "Proud" sung by Heather Small

My Biggest Dieter's Mistake and Slacking Off Issue Right Now: Not Cooking

I am totally NOT giving it 100%. I'm not even giving it 80%. Shoot, I'm barely hitting 55%.

And my biggest step backwards, my hugest slack-off, from when I was losing--and even maintaining--is...not doing grocery shopping, meal planning, and home cooking.

Without question, this is my big hurdle to tackle this week. Without this, I might as well admit I'm gonna fail.

I've been back into getting take-out, eating out. This spells disaster. It has. I'm stuck at just nearly 8 pounds from my best during this blog's existence. And it's not budging. I thought I could do it with judicious eating out. I can't.

It got especially bad when I was sick (hey, now there's an excuse to order pizza or have hubb go to the local Mexican restaurant or Kabob place). And as I was coming back home after driving through Taco Bell post Pilates (talk about ruining a good deed with a bad one), I told myself this had to stop. I had to get my cooking mojo back on.

So, I committed to myself to go get groceries either later today (if I can get my second wind, as I feel mighty pooped) or after my ultrasound appointment tomorrow. But no later.

I have to admit. I have NO excuse not to grocery shop and plan and cook meals. It's just plain laziness. It's just bad old habits taking over again.

No. Gotta kick the take-out habit. Trying to regulate it (ie, promising to choose only healthful options) isn't working. I gotta just make my food. I have to control what goes into my meals. I have to turn that stove and oven back on. I have to stock that freezer and fridge and the fruit bowls. Period.

And you know, I'm not the only one who needs to do this. Read this a few minutes ago at Diets in Review:

Since 1965, women have gone from spending 13 hours per week cooking meals to the meager 30 minutes per day now, and in that time the number of overweight women has more than doubled, to 65 percent. Biggest Loser cookbooks author Devin Alexander pointed out that “Twenty minutes in the kitchen will save you three hours on the StairMaster.”

Yes. We've become a nation of eater-outers, not home-cookers. Let's be real. At home, you have to measure out the oil and butter and dressing and cheese and portion the meat and chicken and tofu or whatever. You just don't get this plate, like magic, from the Kitchen Fairy. You can't say, "Well, maybe this mashed potato isn't so bad, or these veggies weren't doused in too much butter." At home, you can't fool yourself. You know exactly what's in there, cause YOU put it in there.

I love to eat out. As I told hubby yesterday, after we left the gynecologist (where he held my hand during the painful exam), when he commented how he likes buffets cause he serves himself (and he has VERY little food at buffets, cause his appetitie is pretty small for a tall feller, and they definitely MAKE money off him, cause he never eats 10 bucks worth!), I like being served. I LOVE having someone bring me yummies and take away dirty plates and ask me if I want coffee and dessert.

It makes me feel like an Empress. Or, okay, a Princess. :)

I think a small part of it's 'cause my parents were not eater-outers. Eating out was this amazing thing to me. I'd see sidewalk cafes in NYC when we visited Manhattan and it was so alien. A thing only special people did. Not poor people like us.

I never sat down in my first Chinese restaurant until I was 16, and that because a friend's dad invited me out to eat with his family. I found it astonishing. And it's the same today. I get this wild thrill at heading to a sit-down restaurant and having whatever my heart desires.

Sit-down restaurants are like small vacations. Drive-throughs are me just not wanting to do any work. Either way, they both are about self-spoiling. For me, anyway. Luxury. Not wisdom or self-control. Indulgence.

My parents never modeled this. This is just ME. Spoiling myself. Acting all rich, right? No...They were homey types, simple folks who worked very hard at low-paying work and who watched pennies like hawks watching field mice. Cooking at home was economical. No takeout, except for a walk to the bakery to get bread. That's what poor folks did and do, especially poor immigrant folks who have a hankering for their ethnic flavors, do. Eat at home.

For me, eating out is a huge luxury. It's what rich people do. What my parents could not do.

It's crazy how much money we waste eating out. Really shameful. We could be putting that towards retirement or paying off our car note. Seriously.

It's a bad economy--a perfect time to figure out how to eat well without spending a fortune. It's a challenge, but not insurmountable. For the $5 or $6 bucks that cafeteria or eat-out turkey sandwich costs plus whatever beverage you get and maybe that bag o' chips, you can make two to four lunches at home (depending on what you eat).

So, the Princess needs to haul her fat butt to Whole Foods and get what she needs for a week of meals. I love eating out too much to nix it altogether. But man, even if I reduce it to once or twice a week, that's better than what I've been doing. Every single dinner and most lunches out. Crazy. Foolish.

Oh, man. Back to the basics.

~

On the Needfulness of Starting With Love and THE BIG SKINNY by Carol Lay

I've had a tough few days, breathing-wise, and as a consequence, eating wise. I've been wanting salt, and I have slacked off mywater, so I'm bloated as a result. (Time to guzzle water and coconut water.) Bleh.

But I decided not to get into that negative mindset that goes into attack mode: Why didn't you eat more potassium-rich foods, dummy? Why did you have to have that salty soup, idiot?

No, none of that.

Here's why:

Yes, I weighed myself this morning, and got bummed over the bloat-weight. BUT...

I was listening to the radio while getting ready to go to Pilates (my first class since over three weeks ago, when I stopped going due to my breathing issues.) I am still not completely well. I'm still congested. But instead of feeling like someone was sitting on my chest and strangling me, it feels like they got off my chest and just have their hands around my throat and pressing a bit. It's improvement, though hardly wonderful. But I figured if all I could do was stretch, then that's what we'd do. I felt all stiff from sitting/lying around for 3.5 weeks. So, I needed, NEEDED, to get some exercise/stretching.

So, back to my morning moment: I was listening to the radio show in the bathroom, one on a local Christian station, and a lady who got up to 350 pounds was talking about her personal journey. And she said that the thing that clicked, that got her to begin to shed the weight was realizing and accepting how very much she was loved. That even at 350 pounds, her husband loved her, and God loved her. Being fat or skinny has no effect on true love. It shouldn't.

Hearing that reminded me that even I don't have a right to hate myself. It's counterproductive.

I turned my thoughts toward the loving and positive. I asked God to help me through the day, and I prayed for a few other folks,too. I decided NOT to berate myself, but love myself TODAY. I refused to get on the self-insulting bandwagon.

Pilates went better than I expected. It was very hard--some positions didn't let me breathe, so we couldn't do some stuff. But my wonderful trainer is a pro at finding how to make stuff work, no matter the obstacle. I didn't get as tough as workout as when I'm well, and yet I got to the point of some muscles burning and trembling. And I got props for keeping my abdominals engaged. Tough when oxygen is at a premium and I had to use mouth-inbreathing (which is normally a no-no in Pilates).

Next, I come home and I put on Oprah. The show (just finished) was a follow-up to the Best Life week of shows. And Oprah, talking about her own weight loss journey of today, says, "It begins with love."

So that's two women with weight issues who both say this: START WITH LOVE.

Accept love--from God, from others, FROM YOURSELF. Give love, especially when you are hating yourself for whatever slip or bad choice. Don't ever hate on yourself (much less others). That doesn't help.

And love the body you have now, as Oprah said, because it's the body that God is blessing you in..now..today.

So, with that said, on to a book review:

Yesterday, I got myself a new "weight loss" book as a bit of motivation. I actually do find it motivating. It preempted a possible binge this pm (I was still insufficiently hydrated, and that thirst sensation was about to spur on some bad eating mojo.) But THE BIG SKINNY put a brake on it. (thank you, Carol Lay) It's a charming, amusing, practical, inspiring, friendly, useful book. It's done in comics strip/book style--all illustrated with writing in the panels--and it's just too cool. The author is honest about what worked for her, about the pitfalls, the saboteurs, exercise, whole foods, calorie counting, etc. She has a list of common foods and their calories, easy ways to eyeball measurements, shows the exercises she does, and displays in visual form how she fights off temptation.

I did a review for it for amazon just now.

If you like comic strips or comic books, I would really recommend this. Such fun. And so smartly done.

You know what, I recommend it even if you never have read a comic book in your life. Honestly.

Now, please be kind to yourself today. Be grateful for your body, yes that one. No matter how imperfect. It's the one in and through which you are blessed in so many ways. That's the body that lets you hug loved ones, the one that carried your kids (if you have 'em), the one that lets you swim or dance or make love or see the sky or smell the ocean or sing a song or savor a delicious cup of coffee. Your body is amazing, even if it's fat and mushy. Even if, like mine, it's medically defective. Yes, I can still do so much. And it can become BETTER, every day.

Love yourself, and go do something happy and healthful or that miracle-body of yours.

The First Step To Stop Overeating --and Four More

Oh, Lawdy! The Overeating Ogre has come by this week after being gone for a while, drat him. He was by for dinner on Thursday (when I had four slices of whole wheat pizza and a big bowl of white bean soup and just about exploded) and Friday lunch (I had TWO entrees from Boston Market, TWO, with four sides, FOUR, and a chocolate cupcake and chocolate almonds). It was bad. It was like a PMS flash fire (only without the PMS, at least, I don't think so.)

But I banished the nasty creature last night and got back to normal. I walked. I did some at-home Pilates leg lifts. I did breathing to calm myself. I feel like I've slid back into Healthy Mindset today after the lunacy of the last two days.

Two bad days. Two bad meals, very bad.

All is forgiven. I'm moving on.

Fortunately for my spirits, I tried on a dress and two tops in my size today and both were HUGE on me. Hubby mentions my waist is nipping in. My butt is rounder (and according to hubby, firmer). Most startling, my abdominal pannus is smaller and a bit HIGHER. This is what makes me happiest of all. I hate that thing hanging there like a laundry bag. It's lifting, looking less bulky.

Two of my neighbors have commented on my "slimmer" physique as I've been out walking in the early evenings this week.

My bra band is looser. :)

I guess my clothing size has changed. :) I'm losing some fat, I know, and gaining muscle, so the scale is the same after a blip up the day after the pizza insanity.

So, instead of getting all happy and calm from this progress due to the Pilates--thank you, Liza--I binge. What up with that?

I notice other fatfighting bloggers and commenters on those blogs are struggling, and struggling a lot. We're having a binge epidemic.

Let's stop it. Now. Okay? No weekend excuses. No "it's Saturday, I need a treat" mantras. It ends now.

For you. For me. Let's get through this bad time and move forward.

I decided to look for something useful to share, something with tips and strategies and a bit of "workbook" exercises.

I found this one at About.com-- FIVE STEPS TO AVOID OVEREATING

I'll let you read it and do the work--Do it! Don't just read it! Do the work!--and I chose it because the first step is so crucial for those of us with chronic, emotional binge-eating:

Step A. Wake Up!

People who use food to feel better often report overeating when they are in a time-out or food trance. This trance provides an escape from inner criticism, difficult emotions, or stressful life situations. The first step is to find some way to wake up from the trance. No matter how intense your food craving, or how much you have already eaten, you have to snap back to reality before anything else can happen. There is no one proven guaranteed way to bring your self back to conscious awareness. You will have to experiment with several different ways to grab your own attention. Below are some suggestions that may work to bring you back into the here and now:

• Walk to the nearest mirror, look yourself deep in the eyes, and say hello to yourself.

• Talk aloud to yourself. Call yourself by name and say, "wake up."

• Shake your head to clear out the cobwebs.

• Take a deep breathe and say to yourself, "I am okay now. I am fine now. I am in control now."

• Plant visual cues in your kitchen. For example, place a special blooming potted plant on your kitchen table. Looking at it might remind you of your potential to bloom and prosper.

• Tape your baby picture on your refrigerator. Look at how pure and happy you are. Decide that you want to feel happy and eating is not the way to get there.

List a few methods you can think of to bring yourself back to living in the present moment:

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

Those are actually some very simple things to stop the binge-trance. It's not easy to get a clear head, but it's necessary. Copy and paste that step, print it out with the lines for you to write in. Do it! Come on!

Let's all try it, those of us having a hard week. Okay?

One of the methods I've thought of is doing a tape-recording or videotape of myself talkig to myself. I need to find a recorder somwhere (I know I have one) and tape myself doing the encouraging talk and the decisive talk and the hopeful, believing talk. I need to keep the recorder and tape handy--in the kitchen (where the table is) or living room, the only two rooms in the house where I eat.

Instead of a baby picture, I think I prefer a picture of myself in my early 20's, when I was a normal weight and very happy (cause I'd met my soulmate--hubby)and wore camis and shorts all the time cause my legs/thighs/belly/upper arms weren't huge.

Let me know if this strategy (and the others in the article) helped you get through to Monday (and beyond.)

Here's to a healthy weekend and a lighter weigh-in next week. If you want more, check out the eHow article on avoiding overeating. Drink water, focus on lots of fiber, slow down at meal times, etc. You've heard this before. So have I. Let's DO IT today adn tomorrow. It's a weekend of change, right?

Yes! We can!

Onward and Downward!

More articles:

Strategies to Avoid Overeating from Nutrition & Fitness Advisors--also focuses on awareness, keeping blood sugar steady, not starving, and finding what works for you.

Canadian Living's 8 Tips to Avoid Overeating

Escaping the Overeating Rut with a chart to help you become aware of your pattern/rut.

Highest Ground

Stevie Wonder. Can't go wrong with da man. So, when you visit Til I Reach My Highest Ground blog, you get to groove to one of Little Stevie's (remember when they called him that?) best songs. Bop along. Burn a few calories.

Anyway, I dropped by and it's a cool blog--nifty artwork (the female illustration is how I've often envisioned myself in fantasies--the long heroine hair, the sleek physique, red dress, red lipstick (which I adore, and to heck with it's "aging" properties), the dusky skin, cause I was born with my natural tan!

I liked this quote from Oprah (talking about Marianne Williamson's counsel) from one of the recent posts:

In order to lose weight on a permanent basis, you want a shift in your belief about who and what you are. This is the miracle you seek.

I'm not on the same spiritual path as either of those famous ladies named above, but I am on one that also places a great deal of emphasis on faith, on believing, on the miraculous. And from what I've read (spiritually-based or psychologically-founded), believing in your ability to do better, be greater, achieve is essential. One must BELIEVE one can do great things in order to do them or one must believe in One who is The Greatest Of All working in us to do those great things.

Faith is a potent thing. Optimism is a powerful weapon. And self-understanding--learning why we want things, do things, don't do things--is invaluable. Necessary, even.

Why do we overeat? Is it just hedonism--all about the pleasure of food? Is it a chemical addiction to certain substances in what we eat? Is it bad habits developed from childhood? Is it the filling of an emotional void? Is it from boredom? Is it a way of expressing self-loathing? Is it a way to self-protect with maintaining fat? Is it laziness? Is it a physiology gone wacky keeping us from normal appetites?

What is it?

We need to learn the why, but then we also have to develop the "I can" that says no matter what the WHY is, we can overcome it, through force of will or through spiritual development, or through dependence on the God who is stronger than anything we can throw at ourselves or Him. Or through multiple tools, ideally.

I believe that a spiritual issue--sin--is part of my problem. I believe bad habits are part of my problem. I believe emotional eating is part of my problem. And a damaged body/physiology is also one of my burdens (autoimmune disorder, dead thyroid, etc).

It's a multi-prong attack I need: psychological, spiritual, behavioral.

I wouldn't be surprised if most of y'all need a multi-prong approach, too.

It's really exhausting, really intense to attack so many areas of weakness at once, and often I find that I'm shoring up this part while those other parts there and there and there are ganging up on me.

Maybe you, too, have multiple issues to address and it feels overwhelming.

Here's the thing: Believe you can do it. Believe you can learn what your purpose in life is, and that you can learn why you are damaging yourself with overeating and underexercising.

On days when you're sure you CAN'T, tell yourself over and over that you can. Others have done it. If another human being has done it, one with your similar situation, then you can. And I can assure you (and me) that others in our situation have done it. Just google up blogs and sites. Other folks with bad marriages, a history of abuse, chronic illnesses, financial struggles, a besetting set of sins, living in wartime, living with a dysfunctional family, dealing with bereavements, etc--these folks have overcome the odds and lost weight, started new careers, moved across continents, climbed mountains.

They didn't let obstacles keep them from the highest grounds.

Just think of someone like Lance Armstrong and what he did despite cancer taking its toll. Or Helen Keller. Or...your fave diet blogger. :)

Others have blazed dieting trails and told us the best tools for X and Y and Z issues.

You are never alone, really. Not as long as someone else showed the way.

I have to tell myself this every single day. That I can do it. That it's not impossible. That others have overcome and so can I.

It's still not ingrained. I have to consciously do it to keep myself from losing all the ground I've gained, which would only make it that much longer to get to my highest ground.

I believe that with my own surrender to God, first and foremost, in sync my own development of good habits (absolutely essential) and my own self-examination and self-understanding (can't skip this bit), I can make progress.

I believe with using tools, I can achieve the goal of greater health and less weight.

I believe with support from others, I can get through each day.

But I'm still a lazy butt too often (ie, just slip back into the self-pleasuring, easy way of eating too much). And I tend to isolate when I'm blue (depression plays its part). Those are really huge parts of the problem, too.

And our nation is set up to tempt us to eat. Just drive around and notice. Food, food, everywhere. Sights, smells, words drawing us in. It's like gluttony demons are running the food industry, I swear!

As a previous post said, change is hard. But staying obese is harder in the long run.

I believe I can change. I believe in a God who wants to help all His children achieve their purpose and overcome their temptations and set loose their self-destructive burdens. I believe in the power of our community to help us not give up, even when that's the only thing we really want to do.

Believe you won't give up. No matter what.

Every person out there has a purpose. We don't all know it for sure, what it is. Is it small, but important, or huge and important. It's always important. Is your purpose to help others achieve their weight goals? It might be. You never know! I've seen people with blogs that I find such a blessing, that I know one of their purposes is to offer that sort of exhortation and encouragement to me and others. Absolutely.

Fat gets in the way of so many purposes because it saps energy and causes loss of self-worth in too many of us.

Believe we are stronger than food, stronger than fat, stronger than laziness, stronger than our own insecurities, stronger than each one and all of our opponents and enemies.

Believe the highest ground is attainable.

Im so glad that I know more than I knew then
Gonna keep on tryin
Till I reach my highest ground
No ones gonna bring me down
Oh no
Till I reach my highest ground
Dont you let nobody bring you down (theyll sho nuff try)
God is gonna show you higher ground
Hes the only friend you have around

While I disagree with Stevie that God is our only friend, I do believe God is the most faithful friend and one available 24/7 for a lifetime. Which, well, is a very good and encouraging thing.

I also believe we can be friends to one another, with our words available for those who need it 24/7. That's not bad, huh?

So, if you're a praying sort, pray for us fatfighters today, would you?

An Epiphany About Numbers

Most of us have our "ideal" number (the weight we'd love to be if a genie granted us our wish) and our "goal" number (the healthy number we'd like to get to, even if it's not thin-thin). Sometimes, we also have to learn, by experience and trial and error, that we can get to a happy weight that is neither the ideal nor the goal weight we originally envisioned. And it can still work.

Jennette of Half of Me has gotten to and, most importantly, accepted her happy weight:

When I started this journey back in...the stone ages? The bronze age? Okay, maybe it was just 2005. I set 160 as my goal weight because I wanted a number to aim for, 160 fell in the "normal" BMI range and it ended in a 0. Since June of 2007, I've been hovering below or above 180. Sometimes I've been really psyched to get to 160, charting out how many months it will take if I lose a pound every week. Sometimes I've looked at 175 on the scale in the morning and thought, "I'll have a chocolate éclair for breakfast!"

So, let's scratch out that "160" next to my goal weight because I. AM. DONE. 180 is my happy weight. I can run 3 miles without stopping. I can buy normal clothes. My health is pretty damn good, most things considered. My weight is not the first thing people notice about me...unless I'm walking into a book signing. Life is good and I haven't given a shit about getting to 160 for months

Yay for Jennette!

(Coincidentally, that "160" is my goal weight, too. It is a sobering observation that my weight goal is one that would send most women howling wildly to grab diet pills if they saw it on their scales, especially women in Hollywood or South Beach!)

I, being not at all close to my happy number, goal number ideal number (and etc), should never ever get on a scale the day after eating Chinese food. I should learn this lesson by now. It's fricken scary.

DragonFire Factoid: Emotional Eating Big Obstacle to Big Loss & Maintenance

New research shows that those who have the hardest time keeping off the weight are those who eat for internal emotional reasons.

The study (published in Obesity) looked at those who were participating in a behavioral weight loss trial and also used data from the National Weight Control Register (NWCR).

The study found that it was easy to predict outcomes for those who ate in response to internal cues, such as feelings and thoughts. Essentially the higher levels of "internal disinhibition" at the beginning of the weight loss program - meant the less weight loss overall.

--Diet Blog "Maintaining Your Weight: Emotional Eating Must Be Addressed"

~~

Strategies for The Scale and The Spouse: What I Posted To Chubby Chick...

....just a few minutes ago at her terrific, honest, open JOURNEYING TO LOSE 200 blog. (I'll copy and paste at the bottom of this post. First, I must ramble.)

I figure we sometimes kick ourselves for not being perfect, and we can't. We can't be perfect. Ever. We're human. And we're learning.

Those of us losing A LOT of weight need time to adjust, to learn new habits, to figure out how to work around our triggers, to just learn self-control via good strategies in eating. It's hard work. And it's like learning a new vocation. Weight loss is a new job, nearly full-time in the beginning as we struggle to change old ways. Fitness is a new part-time job. Ain't that true, ladies and gents?

Eventually, the habits take over, and it only becomes a part-time job. But for us, it will never be totally breezy sailing. We have too much baggage. And we may have damage to our physiologies. So, even if losing/maintaining takes up 2 to 3 hours of thought and planning and action a day, it will always be a part-time job. Whether losing or maintaining, it's gonna be steps forward, steps back, more steps forward, steps back.

If the steps forward are MORE than the steps back--as Chuck Swindoll has taught--it's progress, and it's moving towards the goal. And the goal CAN BE REACHED, even if the stages look like two steps forward, one step back. You can reach the finish line that way.

I believe that, eventually, the steps forward far, far, far outweigh the backward ones. I do. I've seen the success stories. They tend to read that way.

So, whether it's scale anxiety or spouses who enable out of sheer love for us, we must deal with it. Whether it's triggers to binge, we must face them and strategize.

As I say in the comment: "It's war."

We need allies.

I'm your ally, Chubby Chick. And I need you to be mine.

Anyway, here's my post for those who, like us, need allies cause we have a long journey to "lose" those pounds and win our good health back, like me and Chubby Chick. Anything in brackets is my clarification that's not in the original comment post. I also corrected the unproofed comment I submitted, heh:

If that's what you need to do,{change to monthly weigh-ins} then do it. Some people have excessive scale anxiety, and weighing often is a hindrance. Others do better weighing in daily, cause it is a tool, just a marker, that makes them THINK about, "Okay, I ate too much salt, the water weight is shwong, today I'll eat less salt and more fruit and water."

We're all different.

I would suggest one thing: Write down a list of your trigger foods, things you tend to binge on, and tape it up somewhere obvious--the fridge, a bathroom mirror, and tell hubby that he must NEVER BUY YOU THOSE FOODS, EVEN IF YOU BEG.

I know that's tough, but husbands love us so much, they want to please us, even if it could kill us, sadly. If I tell my hubby, "I want chocolate cake," he'll get dressed, go to some restaurant or the store, and get me cake.

But I've told him: "Do not buy me junk. If I say I want junk, don't buy me junk. If I beg. Don't buy me junk. I will DIE, if I don't lose this weight. I will get diabetes. I'll have a premature stroke. If you buy me junk, you aid in killing me. So, I know you love me, love me enough NOT TO BUY ME PIG-OUT FOOD."

He's been great. So far. :) But love will break down will.

Be firm with him. Let him know he can't buy you a pizza or cake or ice cream or take you out for pig-outs. Just can't. It will tempt you too much.

It's war, baby. War. And we need our loved ones on OUR side, our allies in the battle, not sabotaging us out of love and a desire to fulfill our food whims.

Tell him, "When I"m hungry, you can get me X, Y, Z, cause these are healthful and good and, even if I eat too much, these things won't do damage."

Get him in on the plan.

And best of luck on those monthly weigh-ins. No matter what you weigh. you're a wonderful human being and easy to like and love. So...none of us here are juding your weigh-ins. Know that.

Why You Must Be Careful as You Diet...

This list is one small example of why, in our skinny-obsessed culture, we must be vigilant not to fall into the "I want to be as skinny as Jessica Alba or Angelina Jolie or Heather Locklear or Madonna or Victoria Beckham" trap. Aspiring whole-heartedly to reaching a radical slenderness can be the first step to an ED.

Eating disorders abound. You do know that, right? Many of the lovely celebrities we applaud for slenderness and super-toned bodies have had issues with or still struggle with their eating. Setting unrealistic standards sets people up for EDs. Don't use a super-slim celebrity as your role model. Think health first, beauty second.

Make sure you keep your relationship with food sane. Make sure you focus on your own body, because your anatomy and physiology--your height, your structure, your metabolism, your genetics, your medical issues, your strengths, your weaknesses--are uniquely yours. Many of you will not fit into a size 4 without crazy dieting and daily hours of exercise.

And some of you, even with crazy dieting, will never reach a size 4 or a 2. It's not meant for you. Picking a number because it's fashionable is not really smart.

Pick numbers because they make sense.

Unrealistic expectations can enslave you.

So: Set reasonable goals. Once you meet those, then you'll know how low your body can sanely, comfortably, healthfully go AND MAINTAN with joy in your life. If it's only to a size 16, 14, or 12. Or 10. Or 8, then so be it. Accept your individual reality. Not everyone was created to be tiny. And some who are only get there by starving or purging. And that is crazy.

For folks from certain spiritual traditions, eating excessively is called the sin of gluttony. Focusing too much on food, even if one is thinner, could be a form of gluttony, because all the thin-glutton thinks about is what to eat: what they can't eat, what they won't eat, what they shouldn't eat, what they can eat, is it time to eat, no, don't eat, can't eat. Whether too much, or too little, it's two extremes of the same problem.

(Note: When making weight-loss or weight-gain efforts, yes, one must think a lot about it for the sake of establishing new customs and habits and preferences. So, yes, you and I will have to think and plan and relearn, but if you feel a compulsive or out-of control sort of craziness about food, beware. That might be a sign. Just regular frustration at making changes and cutting calories, etc--we all have to deal with that until we learn how to eat properly and portion accurately. It's a sad fact. Just don't tip over into obession and mania.)

A person who binges is a glutton, no matter the size. But a person whose main concern is looking-good is vain. In some religions, that's a sin, too, and a traditionally "deadly" one. Eating too much, so much that you become badly overweight or obese, is self-destructive. The vanity that leads to starving in order to be a size 4 is also a kind of self-destruction, only it gets praised by people who don't see the costs of it to the individual's peace of mind or soul.

Find equilibrium. Enjoy eating. Enjoy meals. Learn how to eat with pleasure, but without gaining. Balance. That's what we all need to seek. Neither to be overly vain about our appearance nor to be careless of our health (which does affect appearance, yes.) Neither to starve nor to binge. To care enough about ourselves to eat well and present ourselves with dignity and self-respect, no matter what number is on the back of our clothing.

Are you bingeing and purging? Are you cutting down your calories to an ill-advised low level (ie, regularly eating fewer than roughly 1200 calories without strict medical supervision)? Is all you care about losing it FAST, not losing it soundly? Are you frequently skipping meals or utilizing fasting for weight loss? Are you afraid to eat? Do you eat only one kind of food? Do you hide food/sneak food/eat closeted? Do you feel yourself overwhelmed because of your patterns of eating, and you see they are destructive in some way to your health?

If you suspect that you have an ED, please, please get help. Please. Call your insurance. Research online. See a psychologist that specializes in food issues.

If you are afraid, then find a friend to talk honestly about it. If you can't afford a psychologist or counselor, then find someone wise to listen and advise, someone who's overcome the same problem, or someone maybe from your religious community (many religious counselors will take patients who can't pay). Or maybe find a support group that doesn't cost an arm or a leg, like Overeaters Anonymous.

But, please, stop, ponder, and be careful as you make changes to your diet and as you set goals. Always, be kind to your spirit and body and mind.

~~The Holy Grail of Weight Loss: Magic Numbers

Escape from Obesity blog has an interesting post from September 4--oh, I realize now I missed Biggest Loser, dang--and it's about "Magic Numbers":

I think every fat person has what I call "Magic Numbers" in their head. A Magic Number is a certain weight that has some kind of emotional attachment to it. For example, maybe when you got married you weighed 223, and since then you have gained and gained and are now 280 pounds. It is likely that 223 is a "Magic Number" for you, because it reminds you of your wedding, and it seems like such a great number to reach for. You probably have 223, or maybe 222, as a goal in your head. Now in all reality, weighing 224 is not much different than weighing 222, but to YOU, it is enormous. Reaching that Magic Number will feel like a tremendous victory. So, take a minute and think. What are YOUR Magic Numbers?

There ya go. The Holy Grail of Weight Loss: The Quest for the Magic Numbers that will make everything all right again. Health. Self-esteem. Wardrobe. Sense of style. Relationships. Job success.

We attach a lot to those numbers. For me, number one is health. I'm terrified of diabetes and strokes. Number two is being able to do stuff I can't do anymore because of the limitations of morbid obesity. Number three is an end to the embarassing social situation syndrome and the fear of humiliation that comes with not fitting properly into booths and seats.

I notice some of our magic numbers overlap, and here are mine:

250: That's the number I was at the last time I wore something feminine and frilly and didn't feel like a total goob. I still have the shirt in my closet. That was, oh, 7 or so years ago.

227: That's what I weighed when I started coming online. I even ventured into some BBW areas, to chat with other fat gals. But, unfortunately, there were loads of fat-gal-loving sex fiends around, and their annoying presence outweighed the benefits. I also remember wearing belts. I had a real waist. I'd like to wear belts with regularity again. I used to be a belt fiend.

199: Naturally. The magic number for all of us over 200 gals. Breaking the 200 barrier. I remember when I used to think it would never happen, that I'd never be OVER 200. Hah. I broke 300 at the doctor's offices in 2004 with clothes and shoes on (and made it to 299 on the home scale. That was a wake-up call of terror.)

172: That's what I weighed when I graduated college. I looked pretty nice in some of those 80's outfits with the shoulder pads and cinched belts. I had a real, real waist, nipped in and all. I also was able to do yoga cause I was flexible, without a huge gut in the way or my thighs rubbing so hard they might start fires. Yes, this is a magic number.

160: The magic GOAL WEIGHT number.

145: What I weighed when I met my husband. I soon weighed 140, cause I couldn't eat from the sheer slamming effect of lust and love. (We didn't go all the way until our wedding night, so it was a lot of lust!) I just wanted to look at him. I'd go out to dinner with him and be unable to swallow. I wish that still happened. :D I find him hot and delicious, but the whole "can't swallow cause you're overwhelming me" thing didn't last more than a few weeks. Pity.

139: What I weighed the last time I wore a bikini. I was 17. I loved swimming. I haven't swum in 24 years. And I live in Miami. How sad is that? I would pass out if I ever stepped on a scale and weighed that. (And hey, I was size 12/13.)

I honestly can't remember weighing less than that. I think because I didn't start using scales until I was a teen and visited my sister's townhouse (she had a scale) and used her pool. So, 139 is my earliest weighing in memory.

There ya go. My magic numbers.

Yours?