A Seeming New Phase In Relationship To Food at Summer Slimmin' Challenge's End...

So, I didn't meet my challenge goal of 250 lbs. I ended up just maintaining since I last checked in, more or less. 258.8 Thursday weigh-in, the final day of the Summer Slimmin' Challenge.

Began challenge: 267.6
Ended challenge: 258.8

Loss: 8.8 lbs

I am at fault, of course, for not meeting my goals. We are each at fault, when it comes down to it, when we don't give something our all. I simply did not consistently hold up to the challenge suggestions.

BUT...I did end up losing weight and getting into a new "decade" and trying some new stuff strategy/foodwise, and I ended up feeling oddly, mostly calm. Not feeling edge or bingey for most of it. In fact, I feel a lot more calm in general about my eating and I've found myself saying no more easily to pizza, even when I want it. I just have said no with more ease.

Ease.

Well, how much that will continue, who can say? I deeply hope it's part of a larger trajectory towards a better, more healthful weight for me, a place below 200 eventually, but I don't feel rushed, like I do occasionally when I feel like joining a challenge (where I have always lapsed). Lord in Heaven knows there have been plenty of "losers" who think they won the battle only to regain and find, oops, no they didn't. So, I don't ever think my battle will be over, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting used to the warrior mindset. Not "in full battle mode" warrior, but the warrior in the less intense war zone who still has to be vigilant and make progress. I think maybe I should strive to be a more active, right in the midst of it warrior. But I think that's just not me. I'm a meanderer, not a fighter.

a fat-sorta-fighter? hah.

Whatever, I have not made any great strides in changing behavior other than simply feelng less prone to stuff my face, feeling more prone to leave stuff on the plate and for leftovers, feeling more inclined to DECLINLE inviations to danger zones (read fave Italian and Mexican restaurants).

We do have a gift certificate to a highly rated pasta place and that will be an interesting challenge, as pasta IS one of my danger foods (very easy to just go hog wild when the plate is in your face). But I'm going to assess myself before going (or reschedule). I do plan to have a protein shake BEFORE I leave to sort of take the edge off my appetite. Then, let's see how THAT goes.

I like this non-frantic about food place. I do wish I were not merely maintaining and were more diligent about tracking, water, and more consistent with exercising on non-training days. But I just feel more hopeful, like before year's end, I can lose another 10 to 15 pounds, maybe even 20. That pace would be painfully slow for some, but 4 or 5 pounds a month would be significant in the long run and would put my mind more at ease about my skin having a chance to rebound.

I really continue to get freaked if I try to think about the skin hanging issue to come (and some already here). So, I don't overthink it. I just let myself think in terms of slowness--even if it means years--and keep using good oils and creams to keep skin soft, and keep taking my vitamins to nourish the whole of me, hoping I can have some snap back...

In time, I hope I am so much lighter that I will then have to consider the surgical implications. BUT....perhaps the slow turtle can hope that the skin adapts even a bit. I keep talking to my skin at bedtime, after I've used my Parisian huile de soin after my shower, after I've put the MSM cream on my batwings, thighs, and belly: Please, please, just pull yourself together, be elastic for me, will you, and knit yourself into a smaller size.

My skin may not be listening, but then, the human mind and body are strange, strange things. Maybe it is.

So, me and food are being quite polite to each other and I am not feeling antsy. For now, this is a blessing.

I missed my challenge goal, but I am glad I dipped into it. I'm lighter than when I went into it in June, lighter by just under 9 pounds.

Know what that means: I will look into another challenge. I'll likely meander through that one, too, but if I learn something, advance in my relationship with food, and lose some weight, even if not my goal of loss, the challenge is a success for me.

For my fellow challengers---hope you got something good out of it.

Thanks to Z for organizing it, even if her puter went kaput in the last weeks...