Alive, but not kicking so much...but WANTING to kick. :)

It's been more than two months since I checked in. Whoa. Okay, so...

I've been a slug. Haven't done much of anything I should be doing. Won't go into the whys and wherefores, other than to say I'm having a bit of a midlife event. Hitting the big FIVE OH was more trying than I expected. Even though my birthday celebration and the weeks before and after had some good times (great Valentine's Day, happy party, days off enjoyed with hubby), I still have felt the burden of that number and all it entails in the negative. Yes, I'm not seeing the half-full cup. I'm seeing a cup dribbling out water through cracks caused by time...

Urp. Enough.

So, I got on the scale a few days ago and I had sliipped back into the 270s (271.4). I know a chunk was bloat, so I reweighed today and I was 268.8. But that's still a regain from where I was holding in the lower part of the 260's.

I'm not feeling it. I hate that it takes so much to just get motivated to POST something.

I am having some healthful meals and some not so, but I am making an effort to have more calorie-conscious ones. Here's an example:

This was lunch some days ago (after weighing in high and scaring myself). Clockwise from upper left glass: Coconut water (chilled) to debloat. Mandarin orange cream (a sort of  cross between rice pudding and vanilla yogurt with some orange puree on top, sugar-free and low-cal. Pumpkin spice soup (very low cal). On plate: peas and carrots, basil mashed potatoes, chicken breast in a low-cal creamy lemon sauce (I added more lemon juice). And finally, raspberries and cantaloupe (fresh). All told, it was like 600 calories, little fat, lots of potassium, vitamins, minerals, and some decent fiber. Plus treats for my sweet-tooth.

The meal came from Shapelovers (except the fruit and coconut water). Yesterday, I had their three-cheese spinach lasagna. Today I had a chunky split pea soup (double portion) that came with today's entree (chicken and rice, california medley veggies, mamey flan--which is so nice). Tomorrow, it's Beef Tenderloin in blue cheese sauce. You can see the weekly menu (this week, click to see next week) here.

I notice that tomorrow's dessert is 68 calories. Hm.

I haven't stuck perfectly to their program (no surprise), but it has helped to start putting a curb on the out-of-control chocolate and fast-food fest that got me back in the 270's temporarily. They deliver at 10:30 in the AM roughly, so it forces me to get up early (which I've wanted to do to get more sunlight to improve my mood issues, maybe, cause being on "vampire time" was NOT helping. I never saw the sun hardly, except on my Pilates session days.)

It's amazing to think that come June 30, I will have faithfully doing my Pilates for TWO YEARS. Shoot. That's worth a party. :)

I intend to start Sparking again. I don't feel like it, but I NEED to.

I hate demotivated me. I really do.

Anyway, I also ordered half a dozen electronica/dance/energetic music cds to try and get me up and going. I'm getting desperate to lose this funk. If you're curious what I got, I'll post again about the music. Let me know what music gets you going. Or what else gets you going. Cause I just wanna nap all da time.