How Committed Am I...Are You?

The clock in my soul  is ticking furiously, inexorably...and it sounds like it's saying. HURRY, HURRY. Are you gonna commit?

Am I committed enough to my goals? My weight goal in particular, I'm asked, which, if I don't meet will shorten my life and impede my other goals...

I can't help but be honest. Not much. Some. Some, that's all. I am watchful for parts of the day, but not all. I focus on other things easily. I don't keep up the strategies.

Some. A bit.

Some days, utterly minimally.

It's bothersome to me to be that uncommitted. It's a lack of a certain virtue I desire: perseverance. 

Perseverance is such a lovely word, such a beautiful character attribute. But I really lack it. In more areas than just diet. It goes hand in hand with its virtuous sibling: commitment.

I have several goals that have sat curbside while I dither, while I sink into blues, rise up a bit, sink down, while I fritter, while I dream, while I don't fully commit, while I don't work hourly, by the minute, on persevering in that commitment.. Dreaming is of no use if the action necessary to realize the dream is missing.

I'm missing in ACTION, so literally it's not at all funny. It's tragic.

My "I'm 50" midlife crisis has me really having alternating attacks of regret, nostalgia, anxiety, futurefear, wishing, more nostalgia, frenzied pep talks, depressed naps, more anxiety, self-berating, etc. I'm ridiculous, frankly. It's embarrassing to be so out of it and unfocused and unproductive and NOT MEET GOALS. 

Geesh.

So, why is this question of commitment suddenly on my mind. I got a mail message from  Sparkpeople with it's "Healthy Reflections." Here's it is in case it helps you, makes you think:

Are You Giving Your Goals Your Best Effort?

Your dreams deserve better than a half-hearted effort. Meet your goals with a weak handshake and they'll soon be waving you goodbye. Since you probably don't want to look back on a life full of "almost made it" memories, it's time for total commitment. Leave it all on the field, don't hold anything back. Is there anything more satisfying than pouring out your entire being, straddling the cliff, reaching your total limit, then looking up and realizing that oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-I-really-did-it? And is there anything more tragic than failing and realizing you could have done more? If you feel "tuned out" of your current life, that's okay. Make your first goal to build a life that you can get "in"-to. Then don't look back. Make every day count and live purposefully, live energetically, live completely. 

I don't have enough time left to keep wasting it, ya know. I don't wanna die FAT.

I. Do. Not. Want. To. Die. FAT!

I do not want to die having unrealized four other dreams of mine besides the weight thing.

And the clock keeps ticking....